Wednesday, October 22, 2014

What we really do on “Our Time

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Being a mommy really is the best, most rewarding, and most exhausting job in the entire world. I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything in the world. Even when I am away from my babies at my “day job”, I miss them like crazy. But I do have to admit I love using my “adult brain” too. It took me a while to be able to say that out loud without feeling guilty, like I was neglecting my babies, but I know I am a hard worker, and I am probably a better mommy as a working mommy.

But don’t get me wrong, I was once a stay-at-home mommy too, and it was wonderful. So in today’s day and age, woman have it pretty tough. We are looked down upon if we do work, as if we are neglecting our babies; but then if we do choose to stay home, people wonder what we do all day. And having been on both sides of that fence and I can say from experience…all we do is work, non-stop at both jobs.

There are those times that mommies just need to get away and collect ourselves, our thoughts, and our sanity. And I don’t mean by escaping to the office, I mean…getting away from life, from reality, and just putting ourselves back together, so we can continue putting one foot in front of the other instead of spinning in circles.

What we really do during “alone time”:

1)      A whole lot of drooling…our brains have been working so fast and are so overloaded with noise, toys, “Mommy” being shouted all day, and demands at work…we sit there and drool on ourselves out of pure insanity.

2)      A lot of nothing…when I am in my car alone, I discover that I may have driven almost 30 miles before I realize that my radio is OFF! The silence is golden. You would think it would be deafening, but it is subconsciously desired.

3)      SLEEP! All we really want to do is sleep when we are alone. But I have found that I still manage to interrupt my own sleep even if I’m not at home or the kids are away. Something manages to wake me up in the middle of the night or I wake up early, for no apparent reason.

4)      Go blank…you would think that when you have alone time, you would take the time to think about the things that YOU have been wanting to do, or to accomplish, but no…your mind actually shuts off, and goes blank for a while.

5)      Organize your life…when I find myself in a kid-free zone. I try to get a head of the game. I clean out my fridge, I straighten my pantry, and I even wash and vacuum my car out to try and get the two years of ground in fruit gummies and raisins out of my floor board. I know it doesn’t really sound glamorous, but that’s what we do.

6)      Movies or books…when we have a chance to get away or hide, we usually go see a movie in a theater that we haven’t been able to do in three years, or actually sit down and finish a book, that we haven’t been able to do since high school.

7)      And the one thing that we do the most when we are by ourselves is…BREATHE. We enjoy the fact that no one is asking anything of us, that we aren’t asking anyone to do something (like a chore or homework), and we can actually just sit there, not saying a word and quite possibly staring at a blank wall for no apparent reason.

8)      We imagine…we pretend we are in some far away land, drinking wine, being fed grapes while being fanned by some really young Cabana boy, all the while you are curled up in your sweats, no makeup, and loving every minute of it without judgment. Or you are in a land of chocolate, where your jeans are never too tight, your hair always looks perfect, and you are at your ideal weight for the rest of your life and scales no longer exist.

And then those few fleeting moments of “alone time” are over, and you are back on duty as mommy! You wouldn’t trade it for the world, but it’s those few and far between moments for yourself that keep you going from day to day.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Feels Like Yesterday, Feels Like Forever

By: Samantha S. Daviss

As we are all aware the days seem to be getting longer, nights shorter, and the earth is spinning faster. I feel like there is never enough time in a day, but yet they fly past as if in a blink of an eye.

This week marks the two-year anniversary of my entire family losing one of the most wonderful human beings I had the privilege of knowing, loving, and respecting….my dear sweet mother-in-law. I don’t like using the word anniversary when it comes to the passing of someone, to me anniversary carries such a positive connotation, and this was definitely not a happy time for us.

I will never forget the morning we had to tell her goodbye. It was Texas/OU weekend, and the reason I remember is because I was sitting on the top floor of Baylor Hospital in Dallas, overlooking the State Fairgrounds, watching as the sun rose over the Cotton Bowl and the preparations for the big game were in full swing.

Most people that day were throwing on their school colors, filling their coolers, and loading up for a great weekend of fun and laughter; while my family and I were trying to figure out how to say goodbye to the woman we all loved with all of our hearts and souls. We were trying to figure out how we were going to be able to forge forward in life without her sweet hugs, kind smile, and adoration for her kids and grandbabies.

I was trying to figure out how to keep her spirit alive, so my boys knew just how much their Memom loved and adored them, until her last breath (and still continues to love them, even though she isn’t able to tell them). I want them to know that this woman was the kind of person I hope they each have just a little bit in their souls; the kind of person that could find the good in anyone, the kind of person that didn’t speak ill of anyone, and the kind of person that had enough innocence in her soul that a certain inner peace exuded from her pores.

Now don’t get me wrong, this wonderful person was no push-over. Standing at a mere 5 feet tall, I have heard stories (hilarious ones I might add), but nonetheless stories of how this tiny tower stood the test of time. Through friends, men, children, grandbabies; and just funny stories of her in her younger years as a 20 and 30 year old gal.

She lived her life with no regrets, no sadness, and no qualms. My husband and I talk about her on a daily basis (amongst ourselves and with our boys). We want our boys to remember her as the spirit and protective guardian angel that surrounds us on a daily basis; not a distant memory that is only talked about at holidays over hanging the Christmas stockings or the Thanksgiving turkey.

Even though there are some days it hurts me so much not to have her here on earth with us; I know she is at every soccer game, every t-ball game, every basketball tournament, every baseball game, and most importantly every ER visit we have to endure. I guess it’s the selfish side of me wanting her in the here and now. I know she is in a better place and out of pain; but the selfish side of my soul wants her here to squeeze her grandbabies, to cheer them on at games, and to sign their numerous casts that they have worn.

But even though she is no longer tangible to us, I know she is here. I feel her love every single day, and her protection over us as we go through life.

I can only hope that when it is my time to go, I leave such an impression. Maybe not on the world, maybe not through some scientific discovery, or by saving the environment; but by leaving smiles on people’s faces when they think of me after I am gone.

That is my goal in life, is to be a good enough person to affect someone in some positive manner. I want my millions of gallons of tears missed (being tears of laughter, sadness, or just because I watched a Kleenex commercial); I want my ability to drone on and on about a topic missed; and I want my love and protection of my friends and family missed (because when I love, I love big).

Make your mark on the world. It doesn’t have to be earth shattering; but make your mark, and make it a permanent one.

Carpe Diem—Leave each day to the fullest.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Boy oh BOYS!

By: Samantha S. Daviss

You would think I would run out of stories to tell about my boys, but every day is a new day and a new adventure in our house.

Most recently my middle one has been telling me every five minutes that he wants to marry me. But the other day he took it back, because I didn’t get his milk fast enough; so he had a total and complete meltdown and told me he was no longer going to marry me. So as you can only imagine, my heart was broken.

And the very next day, he asked me for some more milk, and I retrieved it for him; and upon my return he announced to me that he was going to marry me again, so apparently the wedding is back on. But he also proceeded to tell me that “I was the best mommy in the world.” And I asked why he said that…”Because you get us stuff when we ask for it.”

Good enough for me.

But the excitement with that one didn’t stop there…we have now officially broken five bones in our house this year. I’m wondering if the ER will consider just getting me a hospital band for each boy, so I can run my arm under a scanner, like at the grocery store, and we can go on back to our designated room.

It was pretty simple, he and his big brother were kicking the soccer ball down the driveway, and his foot rolled over the top of the ball, and broke his tibia. It really is amazing. We are a very outdoorsy family; but we don’t do crazy stuff like rock climbing, or cave jumping, or swimming with sharks. 

We do normal outside activities just like every other family in the world…but apparently my grace and coordination rubbed off on all of my children.

But regardless of our accidents we are all always smiling and loving life together. I tell you what, this little guy is taking this full leg cast like a champ. He is definitely a better patient about it than I would ever be. And his two brothers have been amazing. The minute the accident happened, the little one ran inside the house, grabbed a Band-Aid and slapped it on his brother’s leg; while the oldest also ran inside and grabbed his ankle brace, thinking maybe he sprained his ankle.

So the brotherly love and bond is definitely there; blood definitely is thicker than water. Even though there are also those days that I am pretty sure one of them is going to kill the other one, out of pure frustration. But even as loud, chaotic, the multitude of cookie crumbs I find in my bed, the numerous pairs of shoes I trip over in the house, and the endless number of toys I put away (both inside and out) on a daily basis; I know I am going to wake up one morning, and shutter at the silence in my house.

I am watching all these young people that I have been getting to know over the past eight years, grow into wonderful young adults, and planning their high school graduations, filling out college applications, all the “Senior Nights”, and proms; and I know that my day is not too far away.

In fact my oldest just went to his first homecoming. He had a great time and loved every minute of it. But to see his little smile next to a young lady, made my heart skip a beat. It skipped knowing that the little boy I once held in my arms nightly, rocking him to sleep, singing (not well, but singing nonetheless) until he drifted off, or the nights I laid next to his crib with my hands between the bars because he was scared or didn’t feel well are a thing of the past. He is growing up so fast, broken bones and all. He is turning into the wonderful young man that I have hoped and prayed he would become. But there are still those days that he still needs his Mommy. And he is the best about our daily hug routine. He will come out of nowhere, arms wide, just needing a hug. And that is something I never, ever get tired of.

So to that I say thank you. Thank You for watching over my little family and providing us with laughter, tears, smiles, and lots and lots of hugs and kisses inside our four little walls…while these wonderful (albeit a little clumsy) boys grow into some extraordinarily fine young men.

Boys are amazing. They are rough and tumble, clumsy and funny; but have the biggest hearts and the most love to offer any one human being, especially mom.