Monday, January 16, 2017

I just want to be ME!

We are so many things to so many people, that sometimes they forget we are just us. Or at least we want to be just us.

We are spouse; we are parent; we are employee; we are offspring; we are aunt or uncle. If you are a mommy, then you are all those things plus cook, taxi driver, laundry fairy, alarm clock, masseuse, bedtime story provider, project doer, taxi driver (yes, I know I already said that), calendar keeper, bank account, lunch maker…. the list goes on and on.

But sometimes the spouse forgets that you are just you, and really want to be just you. It is nothing against the family, you’re the marriage, or the kids, or anything. But sometimes it is just nice to be you. Be able to have a meal without spilled milk, be able to have a conversation without a million interruptions, be able to laugh (or cuss) without having to explain or apologize, be able to drive your car and jam out to the 80s without being made fun of or having eyes rolled at you; or have mindless conversations with girlfriends without a guilt trip of being gone.

But more importantly we want to be put first sometimes, well most of the time, by our spouse. I found the best quote the other day:

“Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself; not what’s left over
after you have given your best to everyone else.” –Dave Williams

This quote can obviously go both direction…husband to wife; and wife to husband. I have always prided myself on being one of those wives that puts my husband on an equal playing field if not a little higher than my kids. I know that may sound awful to some of you. But I don’t mean I love my husband more than my kids, I just mean that he and I are a team. We don’t let the kids make our decisions.

I always say, that if our marriage isn’t working, then none of “this” will work. And that is so true. And besides the fact, one day you will wake up as a team, and your house will be empty; and all you will hear are crickets. So, make sure you both stay connected and on the same page.

But with that, your spouse needs to return that favor, and give you their best, not whatever is left over. I know…parenting, activities, work, responsibilities; it’s all exhausting, but if you really prioritize what is important, then life is great and a piece of cake. But sometimes, I feel that mommies, especially, are forgotten. Forgotten in the sense that they are people, not these machines expected to cook, clean, pick up toys, have everyone’s life prepared and ready to go. Sometimes mommies like to hang out, or be crazy and jump off the boat dock like a teenager, or jam out in her car, or be looked at as that girl he fell in love with; not some crazy woman who is always tired, always barking orders and time stamps to everyone, but that carefree gal that sometimes just wants to ask a simple question, or be herself without responsibilities.

It's hard sometimes “adulting” but you must take care of you. And remind your spouse or your partner that the person they fell in love with is still in there, and would still love the affection, the attention, the pedestal they once stood on to resurface occasionally. Because as a mommy, even though we are loved the most by our kids, because they know we are unconditionally there for them; they also demand the most from us as well. And therefore, their admiration for us is pushed to the bottom of that hollow well, we call love.

So, those around us need to remember, that sometimes, we just want to be ourselves.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

I think I lost my Manual

By: Samantha s. Daviss

I would sit and listen to my friends complain about their teenagers, and how they turn into these mutant creatures; they didn’t even recognize their sweet babies that they once held through the night, just to listen to them breath, or to nurse back to health.

These wonderful beautiful creatures that we would lay our lives down for, these innocent beings that we love unconditionally and they love us back. And I would sit and think, gosh, this will never happen to me. I have such a great relationship with my kid that we are going to coast through these teenage years beautifully.

Well…BOOM! It’s like an Atomic bomb was dropped on me one day. All of the sudden, no joke, this perfect little creature went from loving me, thinking I hung the moon, needed me for everything…to this rude, disrespectful, STILL needing me to do everything…mutant creature.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love him with all of my heart. And I have been doing a lot of reading, but dear Lord, all the information keeps pointing back to the same bit of information. And that is the fact that their brains (primarily the frontal lobe) isn’t fully developed until they are 25 years old! WHAT? 25 years old!

And we are supposed to send them out in the world driving a 2,500-pound vehicle, we are supposed to send them off to other cities to go to college, we are supposed to allow them to travel and see the world, ALONE? Mine can barely put his shoes away in his closet, let alone manage a vehicle or a class schedule.

But it is the defiance, the lack of interest, and just the all-around “slug” attitude that is killing me. At first I was taking it personally. Like he didn’t like me, or love me…but then my husband reminded me that this is part of being a parent, and parenting is the toughest job you will ever have…and not be appreciated for in your lifetime.

I keep looking in my junk drawer, and my file box for the instruction manual that the doctors and nurses sent home with me, but I guess it got lost in my moves. Oh, THAT’S RIGHT…there isn’t one. You’re on your own for the rest of their lives. You get to figure out what a grunt means, you have to know that they need their basketball uniform ready to go at 6 AM the next morning (when you were so selfishly sleeping), you should know that they have a project due in two days that requires at least 72 hours to prepare and observe for recording purposes, you are supposed to know when they don’t text you back…that they really meant to, or better yet they thought they did.

Here's a thought, look at your phone and see if you texted your mother back. You know the one that feeds you, that gave you life, the one that is the keeper of your schedule and you would be lost without her, the one that washes your clothes, the one that gives up buying new underwear or hairspray to save a little extra money for those new basketball shoes.

Yea, remember, that lady that keeps wandering around your house, reminding you to do homework, feed your pets, clean your room. Yep that lady…she’s not going anywhere.

So, if any of you happen to find my manual on being a teenage parent, please feel free to drop it in the mail to me.

Because as they say, there is an extremely fine line between love and hate, and right now this teenager phase is not ranking very high on my list of “favorite kid phases”.

Monday, December 5, 2016

It’s My Village

By: Samantha S. Daviss

It’s funny I never thought I would return home. But after I did, I fell back in love with this little town I call home for so many different reasons. My family and I don’t actually live in the town itself, we live just outside in a more rural area, and we love it. However, that is a whole other factor in falling back in love with this little town, that I adore.

I moved away for the better part of 13 years, and moved back to start a new life here with my little boy. And with that I started a new career, a new life, I found the love of my life and my best friend, and proceeded to increase our family with two more incredible little boys.

Aside from feeling safe and happy here…it truly is my extended family. No do I know everyone in town? Of course, not! Nor do they want to know me and my crazy self…but seriously all joking aside, I love this place. I love walking in to a store and being greeted by a familiar face. I love being able to call someone up and ask for a business favor, and it happens. I love being able to text my boss at the Corsicana Daily Sun and say…sorry, no column…crazy life, crazy day…and I get a “thumbs up” in return.

But mainly I love how this town helps one another. Just this last weekend, two of my three dogs decided to go on a walk-a-bout, and I spent the better part of three hours yelling for them, losing my voice, and crying lots and lots of tears. I posted it on Facebook on my personal wall, and that of Lost and Found Pets of Navarro County; and unbelievably so, I had more responses, inquiries, and a phone call from my cousin (well technically he is my husband’s cousin, but he’s stuck with my craziness now) offering to help drive around and look for them. Throughout the day, my friends were tagging friends in my area trying to help me locate them

And as I drove around looking for them I cried even more thankful for my Little Village. It was amazing how quickly people responded to reach out and help.

My other favorite story is, I had been in a car accident a while back and thus was in a rent car, with out-of-state plates on them. I stopped to pick my boys up one day, and when they climbed in one of my girlfriends came running after them. She was terrified they were being stolen by some crazy from New Jersey that was trying to kidnap them.

So, you see, it does in fact…Take a Village…and I must say my Village is absolutely amazing, Yes, just like any town, neighborhood, or city there is drama, there is gossip, there is always going to be negative aspects. But if you step back and look at the big picture, I mean really look…your Village is an amazing place.