Monday, February 6, 2017

You Really are Enough

When we hold that beautiful baby in our arms, we want their lives to be perfect. We want them to be brilliant, successful, happy, and admittedly so, we all have that glimmer of narcissism, that maybe our baby will be the “one”. The one that will change the world.

Whether it’s through medicine, politics, science, discoveries, the written word; whatever the case may be. We hope that our little bundle of joy, will have an earth-shattering effect on the destiny of our world.

While some of those fat-faced, little cherubs will indeed go on to accomplish great things, their names may go down in the history books; there are those that will just live a normal, productive, happy and healthy life. And most of the time that is all the world really needs.

Because that little bundle will touch, affect, influence, aid, or carry another person through their life, or many people through their lives, and not even having realized what they are doing to benefit those around them.

As a grown woman, who hasn’t changed the world, moved mountains, or done anything of greatness in the world; it is always so nice to hear that you have effected someone’s life in a positive manner. 

This past weekend, I attended a wedding of a friend. After the ceremony the bride’s daughter, and the daughter’s cousin; both who I have known their entire lives came up to me and said the sweetest words, I think I have ever had said to me.

They looked at me and said, “Sam, we aspire to be you one day.” Now seriously, other than hearing the words: “Momma” or “I love you” for the first time out of your baby’s mouth; life doesn’t get much sweeter than that. So, with great confusion, honor, and a little giggling on my part, I asked them why in the world would they aspire to be me?

One said, “Because you are just you. There is nothing fake about you, you are nice, you are funny, and not much gets to you.” The other one stated, “You are always happy to, you always have a smile on your face…You’re just Sam!” And without hesitation, I immediately thanked them, and told them, that was about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I also told them, that life is pretty great. And that I have definitely hit some rough patches, but they were never going to bring me down. And I wanted these two girls to remember that, always.

Now these aren’t young kids; one is 18 and the other is 20. So, they have had the pleasure to meet several people in their lifetimes. But not only for them to approach an adult, but to also have the courage to tell me they had been watching me, and noticing me, and talking about me earlier in the day…was truly amazing to me. Because most young adults don’t have the patience to look around, or outside of their bubble to really pay attention to what is going on around them.

So, you see, some of us are destined for greatness; but then, there are those of us, that accomplish greatness by touching someone’s heart, their soul, or their outlook on life. So, to those two young ladies, I thank you. I thank you for reminding me, that I don’t have to find cures for diseases, I don’t have to launch rockets, I don’t have to figure out World Peace, to be a good person. Sometimes, just being me is enough, and without knowing it, we all will affect those around us in one way or another.

So being you, really is enough.

Monday, January 16, 2017

I just want to be ME!

We are so many things to so many people, that sometimes they forget we are just us. Or at least we want to be just us.

We are spouse; we are parent; we are employee; we are offspring; we are aunt or uncle. If you are a mommy, then you are all those things plus cook, taxi driver, laundry fairy, alarm clock, masseuse, bedtime story provider, project doer, taxi driver (yes, I know I already said that), calendar keeper, bank account, lunch maker…. the list goes on and on.

But sometimes the spouse forgets that you are just you, and really want to be just you. It is nothing against the family, you’re the marriage, or the kids, or anything. But sometimes it is just nice to be you. Be able to have a meal without spilled milk, be able to have a conversation without a million interruptions, be able to laugh (or cuss) without having to explain or apologize, be able to drive your car and jam out to the 80s without being made fun of or having eyes rolled at you; or have mindless conversations with girlfriends without a guilt trip of being gone.

But more importantly we want to be put first sometimes, well most of the time, by our spouse. I found the best quote the other day:

“Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself; not what’s left over
after you have given your best to everyone else.” –Dave Williams

This quote can obviously go both direction…husband to wife; and wife to husband. I have always prided myself on being one of those wives that puts my husband on an equal playing field if not a little higher than my kids. I know that may sound awful to some of you. But I don’t mean I love my husband more than my kids, I just mean that he and I are a team. We don’t let the kids make our decisions.

I always say, that if our marriage isn’t working, then none of “this” will work. And that is so true. And besides the fact, one day you will wake up as a team, and your house will be empty; and all you will hear are crickets. So, make sure you both stay connected and on the same page.

But with that, your spouse needs to return that favor, and give you their best, not whatever is left over. I know…parenting, activities, work, responsibilities; it’s all exhausting, but if you really prioritize what is important, then life is great and a piece of cake. But sometimes, I feel that mommies, especially, are forgotten. Forgotten in the sense that they are people, not these machines expected to cook, clean, pick up toys, have everyone’s life prepared and ready to go. Sometimes mommies like to hang out, or be crazy and jump off the boat dock like a teenager, or jam out in her car, or be looked at as that girl he fell in love with; not some crazy woman who is always tired, always barking orders and time stamps to everyone, but that carefree gal that sometimes just wants to ask a simple question, or be herself without responsibilities.

It's hard sometimes “adulting” but you must take care of you. And remind your spouse or your partner that the person they fell in love with is still in there, and would still love the affection, the attention, the pedestal they once stood on to resurface occasionally. Because as a mommy, even though we are loved the most by our kids, because they know we are unconditionally there for them; they also demand the most from us as well. And therefore, their admiration for us is pushed to the bottom of that hollow well, we call love.

So, those around us need to remember, that sometimes, we just want to be ourselves.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

I think I lost my Manual

By: Samantha s. Daviss

I would sit and listen to my friends complain about their teenagers, and how they turn into these mutant creatures; they didn’t even recognize their sweet babies that they once held through the night, just to listen to them breath, or to nurse back to health.

These wonderful beautiful creatures that we would lay our lives down for, these innocent beings that we love unconditionally and they love us back. And I would sit and think, gosh, this will never happen to me. I have such a great relationship with my kid that we are going to coast through these teenage years beautifully.

Well…BOOM! It’s like an Atomic bomb was dropped on me one day. All of the sudden, no joke, this perfect little creature went from loving me, thinking I hung the moon, needed me for everything…to this rude, disrespectful, STILL needing me to do everything…mutant creature.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love him with all of my heart. And I have been doing a lot of reading, but dear Lord, all the information keeps pointing back to the same bit of information. And that is the fact that their brains (primarily the frontal lobe) isn’t fully developed until they are 25 years old! WHAT? 25 years old!

And we are supposed to send them out in the world driving a 2,500-pound vehicle, we are supposed to send them off to other cities to go to college, we are supposed to allow them to travel and see the world, ALONE? Mine can barely put his shoes away in his closet, let alone manage a vehicle or a class schedule.

But it is the defiance, the lack of interest, and just the all-around “slug” attitude that is killing me. At first I was taking it personally. Like he didn’t like me, or love me…but then my husband reminded me that this is part of being a parent, and parenting is the toughest job you will ever have…and not be appreciated for in your lifetime.

I keep looking in my junk drawer, and my file box for the instruction manual that the doctors and nurses sent home with me, but I guess it got lost in my moves. Oh, THAT’S RIGHT…there isn’t one. You’re on your own for the rest of their lives. You get to figure out what a grunt means, you have to know that they need their basketball uniform ready to go at 6 AM the next morning (when you were so selfishly sleeping), you should know that they have a project due in two days that requires at least 72 hours to prepare and observe for recording purposes, you are supposed to know when they don’t text you back…that they really meant to, or better yet they thought they did.

Here's a thought, look at your phone and see if you texted your mother back. You know the one that feeds you, that gave you life, the one that is the keeper of your schedule and you would be lost without her, the one that washes your clothes, the one that gives up buying new underwear or hairspray to save a little extra money for those new basketball shoes.

Yea, remember, that lady that keeps wandering around your house, reminding you to do homework, feed your pets, clean your room. Yep that lady…she’s not going anywhere.

So, if any of you happen to find my manual on being a teenage parent, please feel free to drop it in the mail to me.

Because as they say, there is an extremely fine line between love and hate, and right now this teenager phase is not ranking very high on my list of “favorite kid phases”.