Monday, April 18, 2016

A House of Cards

By: Samantha S. Daviss

So my ship is run pretty tightly as it is, and I don’t mean I am not spontaneous, I just mean I am really organized and have a calendar that I live by to keep up with the kids’ activities, my work, and other work outside of my primary job.

But I am the first to hang out with friends, have people over, break the schedule a little bit; that’s not what I mean by a tight ship. I just mean that pretty much every minute in my day is accounted for months before I even come to that day. And it seems to be getting worse and worse. I don’t know if it is because summer is getting near and sports are picking up or what, but things have been crazy lately.

And just this past week I was down for a couple days with the stomach bug. So much so that I was planning to do some work from my bed, but that never happened. I actually slept all day trying to let me body recuperate. But in that amount of time, just 24 hours mind you, I felt like my entire world came crashing down; I had to find help putting my kids in bed since I was so sick, I had to arrange for rides to practices and activities, I had to make arrangements for dinner…everything had to be handled.

And it made me stop and think for a minute how insane my life really is on a daily basis. I can’t even disappear for a day without having to line my life up like a House of cards. If even one card is missing or out of place the entire thing will come crashing down. It actually exhausted me thinking about all of my responsibilities and when and where I am needed all the time.

Things have been a little tougher lately since my husband has been gone for so long training for his new job, but it just struck me as ridiculous as to how tightly strung my life really is.

I am not really sure how to change this either. I know most people’s lives are this crazy and this hectic nowadays, but why? Why do we live so fast and furiously? Why do we live without a moments breathe in our lives? Is it because of technology? Is it because we are putting more pressures on ourselves and our kids?

When I was growing up I remember going to various activities, but I don’t remember feeling so rushed and pressured all of the time. So why is it that a mommy can’t be sick, even for 24 hours, without her entire house falling apart?

I felt so hopeless and useless not being able to manage or help out with my kids for that 24 hours, but there was nothing I could do about it. So with this I am learning to enjoy the quiet down times we do have as a family. Instead of trying to create more activities and places to be, I have enacted a new rule in our house, and that is to learn to chill and relax and soak up the quiet down times we are given.

And for the obvious reasons. I know one day all the sports will be over, all the sleep overs won’t exist, the army men in the floor won’t be there for me to step on in the dark, and the chaotic mornings of trying to get to school on time will be things of the past. And to sit and think about that breaks my heart, so I need to learn to slow down, enjoy every moment and not try to keep up with “The Jones”.

Monday, April 4, 2016

Starting Over

By: Samantha S. Daviss

“Starting Over” is such a scary phrase, isn’t it? No matter what you are starting over it sounds and feels very intimidating. But really what it should be is a learning lesson. Starting over should be what we like to call in golf “your mulligan”.

I have had to start many things over in my life. I have had to start an exam over, I have had to start a job/career over, I have had to start my place of living over, I have had to start mothering over, and I have had to start my personal life over.

Entering into the unknown can be an extremely scary thing, I will give you that. But it can also be a pretty amazing thing, too. You get to redefine yourself and the choices you made the first time around. For example, with an exam, if you know you messed a couple questions up, then you get to go back and study some more, really nail down the ones you know you missed and take it again, on a clean slate. Yes, having to take the exam again that you struggled with can be scary, daunting, and nerve racking; but you get to improve your score from the last time.

I have had to start my job and career over. The first time I did that, I had been out of the work force for about five years as a stay-at-home mom, so not only did I re-enter the work arena, but I re-entered a whole new career path. My education was in marketing, writing, and advertising; so this new career was a huge leap of faith for me, but it was a great move. And now, about six years ago, I started another career path, as a real estate appraiser, it has nothing to do with my education, but I absolutely love it and it is a great “working mom” job to have.

My husband is currently making a job move, from one flying position to another, with a larger commercial airline. He has to learn all new terms, equipment, colleagues, everything. So yes he is overwhelmed right now and a little nervous too, but he is also very excited. So you see the unknown can be daunting, no doubt, but it can also be your advocate as well.

Moving is probably one of the scariest things a person has to enter into with the unknown of starting over. I have moved to six different cities in my lifetime, all with knowing absolutely NOBODY, when I arrived. But over time you start to figure things out, it gives you the opportunity to define yourself as you see fit, and start a whole new life.

Starting over as a mother is a frightening task as well. You could have just given birth to another child not too long ago, or you could have years and years between each child. But the truth of the matter is, it is the scariest thing you will ever encounter. You will hold this little creature in your arms for the first time and realize, that yet again, they are totally and completely reliant on you for their survival. The other unknown is their different personalities. You have to learn to deal with each child in their own special matter. You can’t have a particular way to parent, scold, teach, or love each child the same because they are all individuals with individual ways of doing and learning.

And starting your personal life over whether it’s due to a loss of your partner or the split between you and your partner. It doesn’t matter, starting over is hard and terrifying. First you have to learn to walk, which is being alone and being comfortable in your own single skin again; and then there is the possibility that you might meet someone new and opening up your heart again to a new person, a new view on life, and new ways of doing things is nerve racking. But again, starting over can also be fun and exciting.

It's all how you look at life and the perspective you put on yourself and everything around you. If you accept things for what they are and move on, instead of trying to make everything fit into a perfect little bubble, then yes you will be scared and disappointed every single time; but if you put your “big girl (or boy) britches on”, and put one foot in front of the other, then a new adventure can be very rewarding.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Don’t become boring

By: Samantha S Daviss

I had the best conversation with a guy friend of mine in the doctor’s office this morning. And I learned that he actually likes to be with his wife, just like my husband likes to be with me (well most of the time).

I think it is so important that you marry your best friend, and when you do so, treat them as such. 
This friend of mine I was talking to travels for a living as well. And he said I can’t wait to get home. I hang out with my wife all weekend long. We are always doing stuff together; we very rarely do anything separately. And that just really struck a chord with me…because my marriage is the same way. We love to hang out, to be together, with or without the kiddos, it’s mainly with them, but nonetheless, we are pretty much always together.

We love being a couple, hanging out and holding hands. So this raises the question from me to all you husbands out there, that actually like to be with your wives, have you become boring, or do you still keep the spice, intrigue and excitement in your relationship and marriage?

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to keep it alive:

1)      What’s the most romantic thing you have ever done for her? And remember, romance comes in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t have to be a nice dinner and flowers, it could be doing the laundry, or breakfast in bed, or lining up a spa day for her. But the most romantic thing you could do for a girl is to communicate how special she is to you.

2)      Think of something fun you can do together…guys and girls definition of fun is completely different. Really all a girl wants to feel connected to their husbands is to have fun. Something spontaneous, not written in her day planner. Be creative, even if it is outside her comfort zone. But the best part of it to her is that you took the bull by the horns and planned it.

3)      What is the one thing you can do this week, to help relieve stress from her life? Offer to pick the kids up from school so she can stay late at work and catch up, offer to cook one evening, offer to do everything she does for a day…cook, clean, put the kids down, do a couple loads of laundry, clean the dishes, feed the animals…give her the night off to do a little work or have a little “alone time”.

4)      And here is a biggie…ask her what the one thing is about your marriage that she may like to change? Now this is a pretty gutsy move, but she will be forever grateful. Instead of her having to bring up her irritations during an argument, allow her to tell you the one frustration that she has about your marriage over a glass of wine.

Keeping a marriage alive and happy takes a lot of work. Most think it comes pretty naturally and if ever there is a bump in the road they bail. But you have to be tough, gut it out…to keep your marriage alive you have to be the man of the house. Let her know how valuable and important she is to the functionality of your lives.