Monday, August 29, 2016

Plate is too Full

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Sometimes people walk around complaining that their plate is too full. And sometimes it is. But then there are those times that I stand back and look at those complaining and want to scream from a mountain top, “You have no idea what full is!”

And currently, I am not talking about my life right now. However, this is probably the busiest I have ever been in my life; but, in my eyes, my plate is not too full. For a brief synopsis, here is a peek into my life, currently (and I am not listing this to get sympathy, I am listing these things, to prove my point):

  •        Working mother
  • ·         Mother of 3 (all boys, mind you)
  • ·         Husband travels for a living as an airline pilot
  • ·         Full-time job as a real estate appraiser
  • ·         Full-time job running my own marketing company
  • ·         Summer job managing a country club pool
  • ·         One child is in FFA, skeet shooting tournaments, and high school
  • ·         Middle child is in sports, piano, and daily homework
  • ·         Smallest child is in sports, piano, and daily homework
  • ·         Cooking, laundry, cleaning, baths every night, and ow our yard weekly
  • ·         PTO Executive board member
  • ·         Just started an education foundation for our school district

So my point to this is, yes, that is an insane amount of stuff for one human to have on their plate; but, I do this by choice. I don’t have to be on PTO but I want to be, I want to be around the schools to see my kids and help all the students get what they deserve. I don’t have to be in the Rotary Club, but I am to see and meet people. I didn’t have to start an education foundation, but I did to better the lives and study environment of our students. However, you may hear me say, “I have lost my mind” or “There isn’t enough vodka in the world…” (all jokes, mind you). But you will never hear me say my plate is too full.

My plate has been too full at one point in my life. I looked above daily and asked Him, how he expects me to move on and to survive, and to put my big girl pants on, and to put a smile on my face for my little boy. That is when you know your plate is too full.

Your plate is too full when you are sitting at the end of a hospital bed holding your 8-year-old’s hand, after her third round of chemotherapy; a full plate is trying to explain to your 16-year-old soccer star son, who managed to live after his friend flipped his truck Friday night, that he will never walk again; a full plate is waking up one morning and your spouse is gone, either by their choice or because their flight from LA to Washington D.C. didn’t make it.

Those are full plates. I understand we all have a lot going on, we all get pulled in 900 directions, but that to me, is what a calendar and a To-Do list is for. At the end of the day, if that PTO email wasn’t sent out, the world won’t stop spinning. But at the end of the day, if the blood type doesn’t match your child’s who has been on the transplant list for eight months, that means that the world could possibly stop spinning.

So next time you feel overwhelmed, or overloaded by everything on your plate; please remember that mom who had to pick out her baby’s headstone yesterday, or that dad who has to carry his little girl down the aisle rather than walk next to her, or that brother that didn’t get to see his kid brother’s first goal because he lost his eyesight in a car accident.

To me, your calendar and your life is as full as you make; but your plate, that is something entirely different, your plate is out of your control.

Monday, June 13, 2016

They Try to Fix Everything

By: Samantha S. Daviss

My husband has always said and wondered why God put man and woman together. He really doesn’t feel that there could be two creatures more different or more opposite than one another. And I totally agree with him.

Not only are you putting the opposite gender together, but opposite brain functionality too. Women think with their hearts, whereas men think with their heads. And I guess that’s why we are the mommies. When our baby falls and skins their knee, we immediately run to their side and swoop them up in our arms to make sure they are okay, and no major physical damage has been done. 

Whereas a daddy, evaluates the situation, recognizes its severity, and reacts accordingly. Any blood? Then they are fine. Any bones poking out? Then they are fine. Tears? And none of the afore mentioned occurred, then they can suck it up and be tough.

Men are wonderful leaders, providers, and protectors. But when it comes to just a whimsy of romance or softness of the heart…well, they may need a lesson or two from the gals.

I don’t lose it very often. I am a pretty hardy and tough ol’ gal; and can hitch a trailer, drive a boat, haul logs, build something, mow something, mend something, wash something, love something and tuck something in to bed with a story every night. But there are some times that mommy/wife/working gal has just absolutely hit her wall.

Pure frustration, pure exhaustion, the fact that my husband and partner has been gone for three months and I have been managing everything on my own; yep, ol’ mom just lost it not too long ago. It was nothing bad, nothing happened, I just needed a good ol’ fashioned pity party, temper tantrum, wine guzzling kind of evening. I really didn’t want or need any attention, I just wanted to cry, melt down, throw a fit, and lose it all at once and have my spouse sit there and listen to me. It wasn’t directed at him, or anyone for that matter, it was just a moment of brief insanity and I needed to blow off some steam…girl style!

Well along comes my hero trying to fix me and make everything better, when all it ended up doing was making it worse. He couldn’t understand what was happening, he couldn’t wrap his brain around the fact that I just needed to be held and hugged, he couldn’t understand what in the world I was doing. Men don’t lose it like we do; so he thought that maybe an alien had taken over my body.

Nope just hormones, girl stuff, and exhaustion. So you see guys, we don’t always need things fixed, sometimes you just have to put up with our crazy, keep loving us, and accept our glitches and outbursts for what they are. A mere eruption of feelings, hormones, and a mild temper tantrum. It doesn’t mean we are crazy and need to be on meds, it doesn’t mean our hormones are off, it doesn’t mean we hate being a mom or a wife, it just means that everyone else gets to lose it; so why can’t we?

You have to Let Them Fail, to be able to succeed

By: Samantha S. Daviss

During my grandparents’ days of growing up, everyone in the household worked. Everyone had a job, a chore, or some sort of responsibility. A family was a team, everyone had to pull their weight in order to put food on the table. Kids were out on farms helping mom and dad, or they had small jobs in town that brought extra income home for the family.

Then the Baby Boomer generation was born. And the parents of those kids were ready to have some fun, after working so hard and dealing with one, possibly two World Wars, the baby boomers were raised with a lot of freedoms; not on their accord, but because their parents needed to let their hair down.

Now I am not going to walk through every single generation; but the one thing I am noticing about today’s parents and kids is entitlement. The kids think they deserve it; and the parent can’t help but cater to them.

As a young mother I may not have started out correctly, I was that mom that didn’t want my babies to fail, or to hurt, or to be damaged in any way. But now as I watch them grow up and turn in to young men, I realize I have no choice but to let them work and fail and get hurt. It builds character, it builds gumption, it builds strength. I never want my boys to be narcissistic hot heads, but I do want them to be able to walk in to any room, be polite, stick out their hand shake another’s with confidence, and be proud of where they came from and their background.

For example, I was able to help my oldest get a part-time summer job. I know most think that 14 may be too young, but he is working at a golf course loading and unloading bags and wiping them down; so it’s not like I stuck him in a sweat factory for three months. But it is the kind of job that encourages him to grow his personal skill, step out of his comfort zone, be helpful; but most importantly to be humble. I need my kids to learn that you don’t start at the top, you have to work your way up there.

And along the way, they are going to stumble, they are going to fall; and of course mom will be there to pick them up, set them on their feet again and encourage them to try again. But before I do, need them to understand that life isn’t perfect, and you don’t wake up on a bed of roses every morning. 

Life gets messy, life gets complicated; but the more you live it, the more you see, the more you do, the more you will be able to stand up straight with your head held high and endure whatever other complications may come your direction.

We can’t hover over them. I am sure most of you have heard the term “a helicopter mom”; I am there for my kids, I am protective so they don’t get hurt [in the physical sense], but I try to be that mom that lets them grow, fail, and learn from that failure. Because in the end, they will be strong independent adults, that make the right decisions, and can withstand the struggles that life throws their way.

We can’t protect them forever, we have to allow them to take off their rose colored glasses every now and again; because endurance for reality is the best gift you could ever give your child.

Endurance is not just the ability
to bear a hard thing, but to turn
it into glory.
–William Barclay

Endurance is nobler
than strength, and
patience than beauty.
John Ruskin