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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Dinner at the Table

In the Tree House: Dinner at the Table
By: Samantha S. Daviss

Sometimes I feel like a broken record talking about how busy we all are, running from one activity to another. And I realize that sometimes practices run late, or are smack in the middle of your usual dinner time. Sometimes those scheduling conflicts just can’t be avoided, but what can be avoided is living completely separate lives under one roof.

We all jump out of bed in the morning, racing to school or to work, with a few “Good Morning” kisses, and another as we race out the door. Then after school it’s piano lessons, gymnastics, tumbling, golf, baseball, cheer; whatever your activities are, your family is in a constant tailspin trying to get to your next point of interest. Then it’s time for homework, tests, reading; all the stuff that goes along with making good grades so you are able to do all those sports and activities.

Next it’s time for showers and off to bed. But wait! Something is missing. Oh, that’s right, family conversations and interaction so we all know how our days went, how work is, how school is. Did anything exciting happen? What kind of grades did you pull on that test? Are you talking to a new girl in school?

We all have to eat, so why not take that time to spend a little quiet time together sitting around the dinner table, talking, catching up, and learning about anything new in your family’s lives. Think of it this way…with the TV off, and everyone around the breakfast room table, they are a captive audience. They can’t go anywhere, so they have to sit and face the music and communicate.

I’m not saying we are able to do it every single night of the week because of schedules, or weekend activities. But we try to sit down together at least four out of the seven nights in a week. We don’t allow cell phones, or iPads, or iPods, or i-anything at the table. When we are there, we are there as a family.

It’s not just a time for us to sit and talk and catch up on the day’s activities or points of interest. It is also a learning time as well. Every night I have our oldest set the table, and everyone is responsible for clearing the table. And we teach them not to put their elbows on the table, how to properly use a knife and fork, and what side their glass should go on. But mainly it is teaching them how to sit through an entire meal without having to get up, go watch TV or go play on some electronic device. It is teaching our children how to slow down, have good table manners, and understand that life is what is happening in front of them, not on that tiny computer screen.

Today’s society is in such a rush that people have forgotten how to set the table properly, where the fork and knife and spoon goes. Where the bread plate goes, and your glass(es). I know it may sound simple and elementary, but if you are ever in a restaurant, look around at how many people actually know how to use their utensils properly, or where to put their glass. Sitting around the table and enjoying good conversation, is a dying art.

But more importantly sitting around the table as a family for dinner keeps you connected and a permanent fixture in their world. So they know that at dinner time they can come to you and talk about a problem they are having, or they know (whether they like it or not) “Big Brother” will ask them all the questions of the day. As a way to stay connected and in their lives, to avoid problems, issues, or possible concerns that may pop up in their lives.

Whether they tell you or not, kids need and want you in their lives and in their business. Growing up is an extremely complicated and scary process, and the more you know the more they know. You are their safety net. Regardless of how much they say they want you gone and out of their business, it is actually just the opposite, pre-teen and teenage years are a scary and uncharted time in young kids’ lives.

Get in there, annoy them, know everything about them…I promise you in the end they WILL thank you for it. And they will be better people because of it.

So you see, just a simple conversation at dinner time breaks down all those barriers. It will be the best 30 minutes you ever spent. The meal doesn’t have to be fancy, and if you aren’t a cook, don’t worry about; grab something on your way home from work. But carve that “table time” out and really talk to your kids, listen to them, and have them listen to you. You’ll be glad you did.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Having Fun with your Best Friend

In the Tree House: Having Fun with Your Best Friend

By: Samantha S. Daviss


Most of us marry our spouses because we are attracted to particular attributes they may (or may not) obtain. There were several attributes that attracted me to my husband, like his calming disposition, his sense of humor, his ability to calm me down when needed, and the fact that he accepts me for whom I am. But the main attribute that attracted me to my husband was the fact that he is with out a doubt my very best friend in this entire world.

He is the first person I think of when I have some exciting news to share, he is the first person I want to vent to when I want to rip someone’s head off, and he is the first person I want to see when I wake up in the morning. We have a lot in common on a personal level like hobbies, activities we enjoy doing together, and the fact that we just make each other laugh all of the time.

As you can imagine with three boys, two working parents, children’s extracurricular, family activities, school work, and everything else life throws your way…we as a couple have very little time to “date” anymore. But if I’ve said it once, I will say it 1,000 more times…you have to keep dating as a couple. That connection that once brought you together must remain a priority in your lives. Because one day when the house is empty, the laundry is put away, and the grass is mowed, because you have nothing else to do together, you don’t want to look at one another and say “Really? What on earth was I thinking?”

You have to keep that spark alive, and remember that the relationship you have and maintain with you significant other is the most important relationship you will ever endure. I’m not saying marriage is a cake walk; just like any relationship…business, personal, or otherwise, they all require time, effort and attention. And your marriage is no exception.

Time out of the house together at parties, or gatherings is always fun; it allows you time to socialize and see your friends and catch up with everyone that you haven’t seen in a while. But that is not “dating”. Dating your significant other is just like what it sounds…going out on a date, alone, and doing something you both enjoy doing. But the catch is you have to make time for this so-called dating. There should be no excuses, as to why you can or cannot do it.

With that said, my husband and I got to go on a much over-due; much needed date the other night. We did the typical movie date night, since we average about one movie a year together. But we both loved the movie, and then we decided to go for drinks together at a nearby watering hole. It was fantastic; we actually sat for almost three hours just talking. We were able to talk about the typical household issues that we’ve needed to discuss for about two months, uninterrupted by little voices needing juice or cookies. And then we talked about dreams and plans we had for ourselves and how we were going to try and tackle our aspirations. So just a fun night out with my best friend, able to catch up on things that have, unfortunately, been brushed under the living room rug, for lack of a better term, because of our hectic lives.

But the best part of our evening was after we left the restaurant, we headed to Wal-Mart, because my husband wanted to buy an ice cream maker. Well that adventure took a turn for the worse I guess you could say…because we ended up having a hula hooping contest in the middle of Wal-Mart at 12:30 at night.

So you see, even though you are an “old married couple” as long as you married your best friend you can still have fun together. You just have to remember why you were attracted to one another in the first place and keep that first and foremost in your memory bank, and the rest will just fall in to place.


Marriage doesn’t have to mean complacency, or boredom, or monotony. You can still be those youngsters that used to joke with each other and tease each other, while still being responsible adults and parents. Maturity doesn’t have to mean boring; it can just mean that you have your life together, while still enjoying it. 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Kids Say the Darndest Things

In the Tree House: Kids say the Darndest Things
By: Samantha S. Daviss

Motherhood is the most rewarding job, without a tangible paycheck, that you will ever carry out; some days are like a dream, and then there are those days that you just want to run and hide under a rock. Either from pure exhaustion, frustration, or just the need to be alone; and spend a couple hours without screaming, crying, arguments, poopy diapers, or piles of laundry waiting for you.

If you make the decision to become a mother, and then are blessed with the ability to be a mother regardless of how you became a mother…biologically, adoption, surrogacy…it doesn’t matter; motherhood is an honor, and a cult that we all must realize is a job and responsibility that we will have for the rest of our lives.

No matter how old they grow we will never stop loving them, no matter how tall they get we will never stop worrying about them, and no matter how powerful they become in the world, we can still take them over our knee at a moment’s notice.

Regardless of how many hours we put in changing diapers, or washing clothes, or driving from one activity to another; or the sleepless nights rocking them because of a 104 degree fever or a broken heart inflicted by that girl (or boy) at school…we wouldn’t have it any other way. Motherhood is a privilege, but it’s also a hindrance to any selfless independence you will ever have again. The love you feel for that little person, or persons, is undying. It is a love like no other, a devotion and allegiance you would die for in an instant without a moment’s hesitation.

But no matter how jovial your day is with your kids or how trying it has been; the things that come out of their mouths make your heart warm even more and the passion you have for your job as their mom, is even more fulfilling.

I have a few personal things my kids have recently said, that made my heart sing and my gut twist all in the same day…some offering humor and some offering exasperation; but that’s kids.
1)      My two younger boys helped me decorate a jar with Disney stickers, because they want to put their extra change in there to help save for our family trip to Disney World. And when Daddy got home from work, our middle son was so excited about his jar and saving for our trip, he showed the jar to his Daddy, and told him… “Daddy, we are saving our money for Disney World, you can come with us too if you want.”  I absolutely love their innocence.
2)      Our oldest son recently had a fantastic weekend with friends. It went from a spend the night and a high school football game with one buddy, to another spend the night the next day and two days tubing on the lake. Just getting to be a kid and hang out with all his friends without a care in the world. The next morning we got up and were headed out the door to school, when he turned to me and said “Hey Mom, are we going to get to do anything fun this week?” Sometimes I feel like a duck in the water…Good ol’ Mom is calm and cool on the surface, but underneath my feet are going crazy to try to entertain and make everyone happy.
3)      And the baby, who has learned that Mommy and Daddy only allow him to have his pacifier when it is bed time or “Night Night Time”. So even if he has just been awake for 20 minutes he says “Passy, I go night night”…Their mental capabilities to negotiate and “work the system” at such young ages amazes me sometimes. Even though I have had three of them, their abilities never cease to amaze me.
4)      And then there is the perception possessed by them all…if mom is having a bad day, which really isn’t too often, I guess that’s why they are all so receptive to it, is because I’m typically pretty upbeat. But all my boys know when Mom’s having a bad day. The oldest always asks if I’m okay and offers an immediate hug, my middle guy always lays his head in my lap and says “Mommy, why are you sad?”, and the little guy knows just when to climb up into to Mommy’s lap and just sit there with a smile on his face.

So you see, regardless of the lack of sleep, the imminent late nights of homework or bad dreams keeping someone awake all night…in addition to all the tickle sessions, the blanket forts, and late night talks of them confessing any problems or new crushes at school; motherhood is the most arduously rewarding job you will ever know. But regardless of the time spent together it’s their personalities and the things they say that keep it all in perspective.


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

To be B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L

In the Tree House: To be B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L
By: Samantha S. Daviss

I read the most amazing quote the other day, I wish I could cite the author, but there was none.


“To be beautiful means to be yourself. 
You don’t need to be accepted by others, 
you just need to accept yourself.”


So I turned the word “Beautiful” into an acronym that I hope you are all able to apply to your lives and help you live a happier, less weighted life.

B—Be true to yourself, don’t let anyone’s thoughts or notions of you influence the way you live your life;
E—Evaluate each situation before you enter into it;
A—Ask yourself “Am I happy?” with your life choices, if not make it so that you are happy;
U—Understand that every person is different, and their viewpoint has value too…you’re way isn’t
        always the right way, but never doubt yourself or your thoughts…stand true to your beliefs;
T—Trust in your friends, but mainly trust in yourself…have confidence in who you are;
I—Influence is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of openness to new ways of approaching life;
F—Fun…always, always find the fun in what you are doing;
U—Ultimatums don’t always have to be negative, they can just be a means to an end;
L—Love yourself, love you neighbor, but most of all love life…you only get one shot at it.

Accepting yourself for who you are, no matter if others accept you is a very difficult concept to most. Especially if you are a “pleaser”; but you must remember there may not be any rhyme your reason for acceptance of others or the lack there of; so you just have to live your life the way you best see fit for yourself, those closest to you, and those that you love the most, for who you are.

If you surround yourself with the kind of people that you want to be, and you want your children to be then you have conquered the battle of acceptance, because in the end that means you have accepted yourself just as you are.

Sometimes there are people in the world that have a pre-conceived notion of who they think you are before you're given the opportunity to get to know them, or they to know you. But the way I look at those people, is it is their loss for not at least giving you the chance to prove to them who you truly are (or for whom you aren’t; whichever way they have made you out to be in their heads). Suppose they have heard rumors about you, or for that matter, spread rumors about you that they know not to be true or false.

We all must give each other one chance meeting to try and get to know one another. I am not saying we are all going to be friends, or friendly for that matter; we were all made so differently and come from so many different backgrounds that it would be impossible for everyone in the world to accept one another.

But with that said, as individuals, we need to understand that we were all created individually; so accept that. Accept who you are, your individuality, your persona, and your ideas as assets not as detriments.