Don’t become boring

By: Samantha S Daviss

I had the best conversation with a guy friend of mine in the doctor’s office this morning. And I learned that he actually likes to be with his wife, just like my husband likes to be with me (well most of the time).

I think it is so important that you marry your best friend, and when you do so, treat them as such. 

This friend of mine I was talking to travels for a living as well. And he said I can’t wait to get home. I hang out with my wife all weekend long. We are always doing stuff together; we very rarely do anything separately. And that just really struck a chord with me…because my marriage is the same way. We love to hang out, to be together, with or without the kiddos, it’s mainly with them, but nonetheless, we are pretty much always together.

We love being a couple, hanging out and holding hands. So this raises the question from me to all you husbands out there, that actually like to be with your wives, have you become boring, or do you still keep the spice, intrigue and excitement in your relationship and marriage?

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to keep it alive:

1)      What’s the most romantic thing you have ever done for her? And remember, romance comes in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t have to be a nice dinner and flowers, it could be doing the laundry, or breakfast in bed, or lining up a spa day for her. But the most romantic thing you could do for a girl is to communicate how special she is to you.

2)      Think of something fun you can do together…guys and girls definition of fun is completely different. Really all a girl wants to feel connected to their husbands is to have fun. Something spontaneous, not written in her day planner. Be creative, even if it is outside her comfort zone. But the best part of it to her is that you took the bull by the horns and planned it.

3)      What is the one thing you can do this week, to help relieve stress from her life? Offer to pick the kids up from school so she can stay late at work and catch up, offer to cook one evening, offer to do everything she does for a day…cook, clean, put the kids down, do a couple loads of laundry, clean the dishes, feed the animals…give her the night off to do a little work or have a little “alone time”.

4)      And here is a biggie…ask her what the one thing is about your marriage that she may like to change? Now this is a pretty gutsy move, but she will be forever grateful. Instead of her having to bring up her irritations during an argument, allow her to tell you the one frustration that she has about your marriage over a glass of wine.

Keeping a marriage alive and happy takes a lot of work. Most think it comes pretty naturally and if ever there is a bump in the road they bail. But you have to be tough, gut it out…to keep your marriage alive you have to be the man of the house. Let her know how valuable and important she is to the functionality of your lives.

The most painful silence

By: Samantha S. Daviss

You know, I have been in some pretty weird situations in my lifetime, and extremely uncomfortable ones too.

They have gone from massive fights, to being on the wrong end of a train when it was uncoupling in the station, and realizing the end you are on is headed in the opposite direction of where you need to be going, to catching people in the act of cheating or lying.

But it’s funny how there is one situation in life that is the most awkward and painful situation most everyone is in. And some have to endure it on a daily basis. We try to change it, we try to make it better, but it is just one of those unfortunate things that is out of our hands and our control. But yet, it is so painfully awkward we don’t know how to react when we are in the midst of it.

And this awkward time in our lives, which I know everyone can relate to at some time or another in their lives, is that of…riding in an elevator. See you thought I was going to be super deep with this. 

But still, why is riding in an elevator so painfully quiet?

Why do people feel that it is not okay to say good morning, or how are you? What is it about that big metal box that puts the quiet hush over every living soul in the world? I think when we built our new house, I left out one major factor, and that is an elevator. I never thought about it until now. Why wouldn’t I put an elevator in my house? It is the perfect “silencer” for my children. Instead of sending them to their rooms, I will send them to the elevator for a time out and a moment of silence.

Seriously, is there some unwritten law that states we cannot talk to people while we are ascending or descending 15 floors, and having to stop 12 times along the way? Why are we so uncomfortable with people being in “our space”? Is that what the silence is for? Do we not want these total strangers in “our space”? Because guess what, they can’t very easily go anywhere, you are all kind of stuck together for the next 3 and a half minutes.

Sometimes when it is so deafly quiet I just want to start a conversation…” Hi, my name is Sam, I’m a Pisces and I like long walks on the beach.” That should really freak some people out. I’m not saying you have to exchange social security numbers, but a friendly hi or hello would do nicely, or hey even a smile might be a nice gesture.

Because guess what folks, the people getting on and off, aren’t invisible, they really are there. They are stuck with you for the next 15 floors, so deal with it. It is just an observation I made this past weekend and it caught me as funny. But the people that are probably the worst about it are Americans. I don’t know if we are that petrified of people invading our space, or we really dislike others that much, or we are just that self-absorbed that we don’t notice or care about the other people standing next to us shoulder-to-shoulder.

So here’s some homework: The next time you are on an elevator, say hello. You never know who you may meet or where the conversation could take you. People are pretty fascinating; you just have to make them feel comfortable.

All Shapes and Sizes

By: Samantha S Daviss

It’s amazing that over the years, I am still constantly surprised, not by the big things in life, but by the smallest things in life.

These past few weeks have been an absolute whirl wind in our household. One minute our little family is chugging along at its regular pace, and the next our world is completely changed. My husband recently got a new job, that is going to be great for our lifestyle and our family, but it all happened so fast; that lots of sacrifices had to be made at the very last minute. And they aren’t any major sacrifices just little things, like birthday parties being cancelled and spring break trips being cancelled. So again, they are complete First World problems, but nonetheless, they are plans we had and they had to be cancelled, because his new start date happened so quickly.

And I am not complaining at all, but the birthday party that was cancelled was the one my wonderful husband had planned for my big 4-0! He had never felt so bad or so guilty in his life for having to cancel it, but to me it didn’t matter. As they say it’s the thought that counts, and it truly is. So that was one surprise that came in a shape and size I didn’t expect, we got a new job and new family lifestyle for my birthday rather than a birthday party, which is just fine for me.

And in lieu of the party being cancelled, the only hard part is that my husband will be gone for six straight weeks. And as another impromptu surprise, one of my girlfriends texted me and offered to watch our kids the very last night my husband was in town so he and I could have a last minute date together. I couldn’t have asked for a better surprise. Her kiddo was off for the evening, and she offered her personal Saturday night so I could have my last few moments alone with my husband. I couldn’t ask for a better “little” surprise.

But my week just keeps getting better. Since my “big party” got cancelled, my friends all organized a weekend away for me. Its an estrogen loaded weekend of laughs, giggles, and a few cocktails to celebrate my new decade. They all managed to pull this wonderful weekend together the in the 11^th hour, because they knew the big celebration was cancelled. So again, this was another surprise that I will never forget.

On top of that, one of my sweet friends and her daughter were thumbing through a catalog and came across a model, yes a model, who they thought I looked like. That was such a nice treat to be flattered with that sweet compliment.

They say it’s not that big moments in life that you truly remember, it’s the small boring daily events that sound out the most to you. And that statement I will be able to stand behind for the rest of my life. I will never forget that simple text from my girlfriend to come watch the boys while I had a wonderful evening out with my husband before he left for six weeks, and I will never ever forget the effort my friends have gone through to make my 40^th birthday unbelievably forgettable, and I will never forget two sweet people complimenting me so kindly.

If small and large surprises are any indication of how great the next decade are going to be, then my 40s are going to be absolutely fabulous, and I can’t wait. So you see, not every surprise has to have bells, whistles, horns, and confetti; they just have to have heart behind them. And that is what my friends have done for me, birthday or not, they are my surprises that come in all shapes and sizes, literally. I’m truly not sure where I would be in my life without all of these wonderful people in it; they are what make me smile, laugh, cry, and keep going in life and so to my “family” I say I love you.