Never Cease to Amaze Me...

In the Tree house: Never Cease to Amaze me...

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

Mother’s Day is always such a special day. I hold it in the highest regards, along with birthdays. To me it is one of the two days a year that are just for me (along with my birthday). I love it so much because it is an honor to me to be a mother. I love the fact that there is a day devoted just to us moms, no matter what type of mother you are…to give thanks for all that we do the other 364 days out of the year.

I had a great day with my boys. It was kind of low key, but it was a good day. But the following day, I had a “Day in Dallas” with my three little guys. We all went to lunch together, and then we wandered around the mall, in and out of stores. It was so nice. We haven’t had time to do that in so long, well to be honest since there has been “my three sons”; have I had just them, all to myself with no agenda, just a fun day shopping, talking and playing on the escalators in the mall.

We stopped in a couple “big boy stores” for my oldest, and then of course we hit the Disney store for the two little ones. My middle one has recently discovered Mickey Mouse (or as he calls him…Mitty Mouse). So he was immediately drawn to any and all stuffed animals of Mickey; rapidly pulling them down off the shelves.

It was kind of funny, and then he discovered the huge TV screen that was playing “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse”, which he adores. And he was absolutely entranced by it. I don’t know if it was because his favorite show was on, or that his favorite show was on a ten foot by ten foot screen.

So we finally made a decision that the middle one would get a Mickey Mouse, and the baby got a Pluto stuffed animal. I thought it only fair, since my oldest had received some things earlier, to get the little ones a “Dallas treat”. But here is where I entered the Twilight Zone…my oldest suddenly offered to pay for his little brothers’ stuffed animals.

I was shocked, stunned, floored…you name the adjective that was me. I was bowled over by this gesture. I actually started to cry in the middle of the Disney store. I know, a little humiliating to my (soon to be) 10 year old. But that was one of those moments in a mother’s career, which I was just absolutely beaming with pride.

Because not only do I have a great kid on my hands, but that means I’m doing a great job. (Excuse me while I shine my halo). But truly, I couldn’t believe it. And I absolutely insisted that he not spend his money on that, but he was determined; so I allowed it because I could tell this was really something he wanted to do, and he was so proud of himself for doing it.

It just warmed my heart to see the smile on his face when he handed his little brother his new “Mitty Mouse”. So that means all the “Leave me alone(s)”, and “Get out of my room(s)”, and “stop talking so much(es), means that he truly loves his little brothers. So now every time I look at that Mickey or that Pluto, I will always know that these three boys really do love one another.

I guess what they say is true; blood truly is thicker than water. I can only hope their love and devotion to one another stays this strong, and that the three of them will always be the best of friends, no matter where life takes them. A brotherly bond is like no other.

Keep Them Young

In the Tree House: Keep them Young

By: Samantha S. Daviss

As parents sometimes we want our kids to grow up a little faster, maybe to get out of the dirty diaper stage, or the potty training stage, or even the rebellious junior high/high school stage; but the one thing we have to remind ourselves each and every day, is one day we are all going to wake up and be living in complete and total silence.

Our babies whose diapers we got tired of changing are now juniors in college, the unruly middle school kid is coming home to visit once a year with his wife and kids and the potty training seems like a blip on your radar in the scheme of it all.

What made me think of this is that the other night our ten year old was sitting on the couch in the other room laughing hysterically at the television. So I snuck around the corner to see what he was watching that had him in stitches. I figured it was some sitcom or Disney show that he always watches with a bunch of teenagers on it; but in fact it was “Marmaduke”. The movie was filled with all sorts of dogs and cats talking and doing silly antics.

It made me smile, to know he was still just the little boy I see through my eyes everyday. That all the violent movies, and Xbox games that he thinks he wants to play (but isn’t allowed to in our house), may be in his repertoire to play, but he is still the innocent little boy that likes to laugh at talking animals.

I know I’ve said it before, but I feel that some of the games and movies are way more accessible to kids these days than when I was growing up. If a movie was rated “R” or “Mature” I wasn’t allowed to go in it or near it. I may be naïve, but I am trying my dead level best to extend the deserved innocence of my children for as long as possible.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want them living in some “protective mommy bubble” until they turn 18; because my biggest soapbox is to get out and see the world and be a part of it. But why should my 10-year-old be forced to play a game or watch a movie that his little brain really isn’t ready to handle?

He has plenty of time for the rest of his life to be an adult and be grown up. And I keep explaining to him, that one day he will look back and thank me for keeping him a kid. All of my best lifetime memories are from my childhood. Playing outside, using my imagination, going on trips…and believe it or not, I did survive without a cell phone, an iPad, a kindle, mobile video games, or even a DVD player in my parents’ cars. I used to look out the car window and watch others pass by, or read a book, or play with my toys in the back seat.

I’m not denying my kids technology, some of it is advantageous and great for free play and learning, but I am trying to guard and extend their innocence as long as I possibly can from movies or video games with too mature material. Because the big bad world isn’t all that fun once you cross that line into it; in fact once you’re there, all you ever want to do is cross back into that world of innocence and protection.

Just remember, they are only kids once. They will grow up soon enough; they don’t need sadistic ideas from movies or video games clouding their little minds on top of everything else they are learning about life.

It's Times Like These

In the Tree House: It’s Times Like These…

By: Samantha S. Daviss

It’s the tough times when you truly know who your friends are. We all go through life smiling, laughing, joking, and talking to one another at social occasions, parties, or just on a daily basis whether it’s in the pick-up line at school, or at the grocery store.

But it’s the times of disaster, heartache and struggle that you really know who your friends are, and it’s the tough times that makes me even that more grateful that I live in a small town and a tight community. It’s easy to be friends with people when there is no stress, or anything to worry about; but it’s the difficult times and the tears, and the times when shoulders are needed that really tests a friendship. I like to call it the “gut check moment” in a friendship. Are they willing to step out of their comfort zone to help in any way possible?

Is that person willing to sit and just let you cry? Will they be there for you and your family at the drop of a hat? Will they come watch your children for you if you call them at 6am? Will they get a food chain together for you? Will they send a collection plate around to help out with all the gas you are burning through trying to get to the hospital every day?

If you answered yes to any of those questions…then you truly have good people in your corner. And my family and I are incredibly blessed…because I was able to answer “yes” to every single one of those questions. And not to mention that they are good friends…but they are in fact good people, too. And deeds like this, in my book of life, should not go unnoticed.

I live in my little “hole” I call life, day in and day out. Between my kids, my job(s), my house, and just my normal everyday routine…I live in a hole. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love the little “hole” I have created for myself and my family. But sometimes terrible things happen in life that force you out of your hole and your routine, and it’s those times you need support and guidance from those around you.

So when those people and loved ones that you are lucky enough to surround yourself with pull themselves out of the woodwork, and their “holes” that they have precisely created for their families, and go out of their way to help you, assist you, or just be a shoulder for you…then you are an incredibly lucky human being for having been able to surround yourself with such amazing people, friends, and positive energy.

If you take nothing from a bad situation where you did need assistance and help from those around you, take the fact that the old adage rings true “It does take a village…” and “Never be too proud”. Because when you are down and need a hand, there will always be one there to pick you up, sometimes you just need to take the time to look up and reach for it.

Dedicated to:  All of our amazing family members and friends of our family who have truly rallied together to make this extremely hard time in our lives a little more bearable. I personally thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you know who you are and we are forever indebted to you for your love and support.

Heavy Hearts

In the Tree House: Heavy Hearts

By: Samantha S. Daviss

This is the obligatory column about the recent tragedies that have struck our nation in the past week. It is with an extremely heavy and saddened heart that I even need to write this column.

“The highest death toll in an elementary school massacre in the history of the United States”, one news report stated.

“Teachers shielding their children, and stuffing them in to lockers, bathrooms and cubbies”, the news continued.

“20 children dead, 6 faculty members”, the final death toll.

Why? I ask you, why should I even have to be writing about this? What on earth possesses someone to do this? To harm innocent lives, to cut their lives off before they even get started? And to take adult family members from their families too?

I know everywhere you look people say that there are 20 new little angels in heaven now. But we mustn’t forget all the adult lives lost. The mothers, the fathers, the sisters, the brothers, the aunts and uncles; that were also lost that horrific day.

And to take the lives of 20 innocent babies, because that is all that they were, were babies. They hadn’t even begun to see or enjoy their lives, or understand how much they were loved by their parents.

As President Obama stated, they will not be able to enjoy their graduations, their weddings, or even kids of their own. And why is this? Insanity, anger towards his mother, a moment of rage? I don’t know if these questions will ever be answered.

This is not a political piece, because we all have our own opinions, I am writing you to remind you that every day could possibly be your last. So remember, as my grandmother Al used to say… “Stay up and fight it out…never ever go to bed angry”.

We all hear every day “to enjoy life to its fullest”…so what does that mean? Does that mean we need to go bungee jumping off the Empire State Building, or travel through Europe while giving up our job and selling all of our worldly possessions, or jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, just to make yourself feel more alive? Personally…I think not.

Life isn’t a competition; you should be happy and blessed with what you have. You shouldn’t always feel like you have to “one up” everyone else. So your friends took an amazing trip, be happy for them, not envious. So they got a promotion…SUPER!! Let them take YOU out for drinks to celebrate—with all that new money they’ll be earning.

In my mind, having a full (and fulfilling) life is:

1)      Kissing your babies good night every night, and meaning it.

2)      Spending some quality time with your mate.

3)      Never going to bed angry.

4)      Being thankful for the job you have and the roof that is over your head.

5)      Appreciating the friends in your life.

6)      Setting aside special time with your kids.

7)      Having a little personal time; either reading, movies or exercising.

8)      Remember that unconditional love is not only given, but received as well from your kiddos.

9)      Tell everyone you love just how much they do mean to you, every single day.

10)   Always kiss each other good bye.

If you are able to accomplish all those things in one day…then you are absolutely living life to its fullest. You have set the bar amazingly high for yourself and your friends and family. If you feel something about someone in your heart, tell them right then and there, don’t ever wait for “that perfect moment” because the present is the perfect moment…after all there may not be a tomorrow, or a “see you after school today”, or “see you after work honey”.

And we all know that all too well in light of the recent happenings in Connecticut and 9/11; that there was no end of the school day or end of the work day for some. So always remember to tell those you love, exactly how you feel, when you feel it and appreciate all the things you have been given or earned.

Feet Hit the Floor

In the Tree House: Feet hit the Floor

Do you ever get out of bed in the morning and think…aahhh what a beautiful, perfect day this is going to be, or, grrrrr this is going to be one lousy day. Not hardly. When we sit up in bed in the morning, we never know what the future holds for us that day.

In fact the other morning, I got up, refreshed (well as refreshed as a mom of an eight month old can be), got breakfast ready for everyone, we were all in a great mood, and out the door we went. But as the day unfolded, one thing after another started to happen…that was bad! I can’t even remember what  the events were, but it just snowballed into a horrible day. But that is how insignificant the “bad” events were, I can’t even remember a week later.

But really, what is a horrible day? Is it running out of gas? Is it not getting to exercise that day? Is it not getting the type of coffee you want at the office? No!

A horrible day is waking up, sending your kids off to school, and your husband off to his job knowing it is going to be another productive day, maybe a little hum drum, but productive nonetheless. Then getting a phone call from the authorities, letting you know that your husband’s plane has gone down; and in an instant your life has changed. You are a widow, your children will not have their father there to rear them and teach them right from wrong; you are now in charge of and in control of every single aspect of your life, your household, and your children.

Now that is a horrible day! A colleague of mine experienced this about two years ago. But each day she manages to make her bright morning stay bright all day long. She sends out positive messages, motivational Face Book posts, and talks about her husband as if he were still with them. In fact she mentioned just the other day how her daughter wanted to make his favorite cake for his birthday (which is coming up in a few weeks); and with a smile and a wink of encouragement they did just that. Their Daddy and husband is still very much a part of their lives.

Even though my colleague has managed to pull herself up by her boot straps and move on and find love again. She still includes her late husband in every aspect of their daily lives, so he is not forgotten by his children.

Now that to me is a reason to get out of bed every morning, to share the memory of the one you lost. So when you feel your day spiraling out of control, and you can see it is going to end up in the dumps, because you got a flat tire, or you had to wait an extra minute in line at the post office, or even an extreme measure, your car got dinged at the grocery store…just remember, things could be so much worse. Your life could be changed in an instant forever.

And as we roll out of bed every morning, we don’t know…nor will we know how that day will turn out, until it’s over. But you have to remember, to make the most out of every moment you have. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

So you got up and there are still dishes in the sink, you still have your loved ones to cook for to create the dirty dishes; so you got up and the kids left their shoes all over the house, your kids are still around to make a mess of your house; so your husband left his baseball cap, keys, and change on the kitchen counter, at least he is still there to leave his stuff around that drives you crazy.

Never take a moment for granted. Life changes in the blink of an eye. Cherish every moment.

Bells and Whistles

In the Tree House: Bells and Whistles

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

I am a diehard romantic, don’t let me kid you. I think all relationships and marriages should be just like they are in the movies; but don’t get me wrong…I am also very much a realist too. My life has definitely thrown me my fair share of curve balls, but because of those curve balls I am all the better for life and love.

My husband and I just celebrated our wedding anniversary. Unfortunately we weren’t able to celebrate together due to work, but that’s ok; because to be honest with you this is the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I finally have the sense of security in a relationship.

My previous relationships have all but been very volatile. I always had a sense of uneasiness and lack of trust in almost all of my prior courtships. I never felt a sense of calm like I do with my husband. I guess that’s why I married him.  Upon meeting my husband I was coming out of a pretty rocky situation, and he stepped up as my friend and only my friend. But over time it obviously developed into something more… (flash forward to a happy marriage and two kids later.)

But the other day I was driving in my car just thinking and I don’t know if you ever get those feelings of joy or elation, I guess they are what you would call epiphanies. But I had one the other day, just out of the blue. My husband and I decided not to spend money on flowers or gifts or anything this year for our anniversary; we wanted to take a trip for our anniversary. And normally in the past when I have said not to get me anything, I was being your typical female—saying one thing and meaning another, then getting upset when I didn’t get the flowers or gift that I told him not to get me. Remember that fellas, when we say no we usually mean yes. Just a tip.

But this year, I really meant it, and I was not at all upset that he actually did what I said, not what he thought I was thinking, because I was ok with nothing (well not nothing, we are taking a trip to celebrate). I guess nothing tangible I should say.

But I have such a sense of peace and calmness about me with my husband it actually scares me at times. I know whole heartedly that he loves me unconditionally and I him. It is a relationship built purely on love, trust and most importantly friendship.

On a side note to that: It was funny, the other day something happened that upset me and made me very sad. So of course the first person I called was my husband. And our oldest son asked me why he was always the first person I called. So I had to explain to him that not only is he my husband but my very best friend in the entire world. He is the one person that I want to call immediately and get his opinion or just to vent to.

I think it confused my son a bit, but I told him that when you marry someone you must marry them for their friendship. Marry them for what is on the inside, not what they have or what they look like, but for how they make you feel. I think he understood, but he just kind of giggled and walked away.

But the calmness that I encountered on my anniversary, although I missed my husband, I know that we have a love and a bond that no gift or arrangement of flowers can ever match. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a girl and I still like all that stuff, but for the first time in any relationship I was satisfied just knowing I was loved unconditionally. He accepts my quirks, my flaws, and my opinions—he just loves me for who I am and all my craziness.

So I was OK not receiving all those bells and whistles that I would normally equate with how much he loves me, I just loved the fact that I am finally in a healthy relationship with someone who I can trust, trusts me, and loves me for who I am.

What Boys Should Hear from Their Mommas

In the Tree House: Things a Young Man Should Know (via Mom)

By: Samantha S. Daviss

As a mother of only boys, I thought this article to be very apropos for me, personally. So if you have a boy, expecting a boy, or even if your boy is a grown man, I thought this was a great article.

For those of you with only girls, I am sorry, I am not able to think like a “girl mom”, as my brain doesn’t work that way. My brain can only handle dirty rooms, dirty clothes, dirty socks, stinky bath towels, sports balls, bats, gloves…well, you get the idea.

As usual I read this fantastic article, but of course I am going to put my personal spin on it for you all to enjoy, from my point of view.

I dedicate this to my three fantastic boys whom I love with my entire heart and soul; you guys make my world spin.

Starting with #20….

20.       Remember to call me….I just might be missing you.

19.       Please choose your spouse wisely….for many reasons of course. But mainly because she will be the gatekeeper to me spending time with my grand children.

18.       Don’t marry too young…you may think you’re ready but you’re not. I think 30 is a great age. You’ve got all the curiosity and wonderment out of your system.

17.       It’s ALWAYS better to be kind, rather than right all the time.

16.       Bringing her flowers for no reason…always a great idea! But remember; don’t expect a thing in return.

15.       Be a good, strong, solid leader and I promise one day others will follow your example. Peer pressure is a bear.

14.       The reason they are called “private parts” is because they are private. You don’t need to scratch them or brag about them in public.

13.       No matter your age, I will still hunt you down if you don’t say “yes ma’am” and “yes sir”. They both go a really long way.

12.       Respect her…a woman can do anything you can do. And that includes a successful career while nursing and changing diapers at 3 A.M.

11.       Be strong, but love with your whole heart, too.

10.       Take pride in your work, your appearance, and your upbringing.

9.         Treat women with mutual respect and kindly. Forever is an awfully long time to live alone, and an even longer time to live with someone who hates your guts.

8.         Knowledge and education can never be taken away from you. Cherish them, and let them carry you far.

7.         Don’t ever be a bully. Remember son, you are far from perfect. And don’t ever pick a fight, you are better than that. But if someone ever clocks you….defend yourself.

6.         Pray and be a great spiritual leader.

5.         Something every young man should be introduced to. Son I would like you to meet:

                        a) The dishwasher

                        b) The oven

                        c) The washing machine

                        d) The iron

                        e) The toilet bowl brush

                        f) The vacuum

                        g) And the mop and broom

            Now please feel free to go use them at anytime.

4.         Save your money while you’re young. I promise someday you’ll need it.

3.         Always make sure you use good aim when you go to the bathroom, someone has to clean it up.

2.         You are the one that will set the tone for an intimate relationship. So know what you are doing when you are doing it…don’t take something away from her that you can’t give back.

1.                  Play a sport, any sport. Don’t let people pressure you into playing “the most popular” sport. But sports teach you how to win honorably, lose gracefully, honesty, integrity, how to work with others, and it will keep you out of trouble if you’re truly are focused.

And the one thing I, personally, always tell my boys…

You aren’t better than any one person in this world. Stay true to who you are, believe in yourself, and always treat others with respect.

However, my latest mantra to my little men is a wonderful message. And I have to attribute hearing it from a wonderful person, leader, and role model, and that is Ms. Robin Roberts from Good Morning America.

Her mother always told her to make sure her “messes left a message”. And I absolutely love that for my boys. Because that is all I want them to learn from life. They will have ups and downs, and they will make a mess of things (or have a mess made of their life for them)…but I want them to walk away having learned something from each and every situation…pull the message from it.

Boys, like girls, are complex creatures…but if they have a few straight-forward rules to lean on, it will make life and growing up just a little easier on them.