When do We Really Know Ourselves?

In the Tree House: When Do We Really Know Ourselves?  

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

At some point in our lives we all travel down the path of discovery. Some of us take this journey when we are 20 and some of us take the journey when we are 60; and then some of us are too afraid to really get to know the person inside ourselves, and our journey of self reflection and discovery is never taken.

I know some people feel you need to be a little more “advanced in years” to have achieved your self discovery. But I disagree. Sometimes it can be an adventure you have taken, or a land that you have visited that allowed you to take the time to find your inner self or your inner peace for that matter.

When I say you have “discovered yourself” I simply mean… what kind of person you want to be, and regardless of your upbringing, being able to stand on your own two feet and decide the path you want to take, not the path you think others feel you should take. You are confident in yourself and the decisions you make without the manipulation of friends, parents, teachers, spouse or anyone else of influence in your life.

I also feel that your self discovery can come from an event that occurred in your life or even a job or activity that you took part in; any of these milestones can help you find the person you are. For example, if you decided to go on a mission trip at the age of 22, and you found yourself through aiding others, and you were allowed enough “quiet time” to really reflect on who you are; I don’t feel like you need to have aged or be more mature in years to know who you are.

Now to me there is a difference in knowing what you want to do and what you want out of life, and knowing who you are. And with that said I am talking about knowing who you are, being comfortable in your own skin. Really knowing what you believe in.

Are you the kind of person who can recognize your own flaws, and try to fix them? Are you the kind of person who can stand up for your own beliefs without the influence of others? Are you able to know right from wrong? Are you able to realize that the path you are taking may influence the rest of the people in your life, whether the outcome maybe good or bad? And most importantly, are you able to realize that you are not perfect? That every action you take has an equal and opposite reaction to those around you?

That is what self discovery is…in my mind. My discovery came when I was at the ripe old age of 30. I had gone through several life-changes experiences all within about a 4 month period, and right then and there I realized the person I was. I had always been pretty comfortable in my own skin, with the slight knowledge of who I am, but these experiences put me over the top. I don’t know if they made me grow up faster, or really forced me to take the time to reflect on who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. But these experiences gave me strength, a backbone if you will; something I hadn’t had in years.

I realized that not everyone in the world likes me, and that’s OK. I also discovered that I don’t like everyone in the world, and that’s OK too. It’s OK to say “No” to people, in a kind gentle manner; but the most important thing I learned was I didn’t have to apologize for everything.

I always felt that I had to make everything perfect for everyone in my life, and as we all know that is physically and emotionally an unrealistic goal. So the first thing I did, upon my discovery, was to stop apologizing for everything that happened in my life and those around me and just let life run its course.

Life is a rollercoaster, there are going to be lots of ups and downs and you just have to accept it for what it is, and not make excuses or justify your every action. When you have that figured out, and you are able to springboard off your past, and not let it dictate your future, then to me, you have discovered yourself.