A Nice Warm Blanket

I don’t talk about my past very much, because well, it’s the past. But I do want to talk about my present, the gift I have been given. Saturday was my wedding anniversary, one of the happiest days of my life, because it is my new beginning, my resurrection so to speak.

I refer to my husband as my mulligan. For those of you not familiar with golf terminology, a mulligan is a “do over” — it is a second shot you get to make up for a really bad shot you had during your round.

Now it’s not in the PGA rule book, it is more of an unwritten rule or terminology used by recreational golfers; but it gives you a second chance to correct your mistake.

I don’t use this term for my husband in a negative terminology, it is actually a term of endearment. Seeing how when we were younger, we met playing on the golf course, and that is where our friendship grew many, many moons ago. But I say as truthful as I can be, he is my “do over.” I was lucky to find him; and him to find me. We are probably the most unlikely of pair, but we work magically.

As I said, I don’t talk much about my past, but I have started thinking that maybe I should. Because life isn’t all candy canes and roses; life has some serious hurdles. And some of those hurdles you feel like you can’t overcome, but you can.

I am a product, nay a victim, of divorce. And a pretty horrible one at that. It was not amicable at all. This man broke my soul for a while, he broke my heart, and he broke my faith in trust.

The reason I bring my past up on my day of celebration with my husband is to remind myself, and everyone out there, that life does go on. Mine did. Now don’t get me wrong, it was a rough bumpy road, and I don’t want to paint this fabulously rosecolored picture that I got divorced one day, and met this wonderful man the next, and got married and had two more perfect boys.

In the end, yes that is how it turned out.

But the “in between” is the part that I think most people don’t hear about, or want to hear about. But it is hard and painful, especially when a child is involved. Not only are you having to guard and protect yourself, but this innocent little creature, too; from all the heartache and damage this life-changing event has done to you both. I feel people that have gone through this need to understand that eventually there truly is light at the end of the tunnel. Whether you find love again, or you find yourself again. Either way, you are coming out stronger and all the better for it.

I’m not talking about my former life because I can’t move past it. Quite the contrary. I am talking about it to let others know that they are not the only ones out there hurting.

I am talking about it because every day I wake up now I have a smile on my face — I’m not wondering how I’m going to get out of bed today. I am talking about it because I have allowed my heart to open up again to another man; not to be sheltered and shut off from the world. And I talk about it because I am so grateful every day that God put this wonderful man in my life, who accepts me for who I am, doesn’t try to change me, and allows me to spread my wings.

But mainly, I talk about my past, because unknowingly, I was always in pain. I never knew what trust was. I was never given that opportunity to totally and completely trust a man, other than my daddy.

My husband has done that for me. I am able to be comfortable in my own skin and be good with him going on a guys’ weekend, or traveling for a living, or leaving the house for a couple hours; without this mountain of fear of distrust pouring over my soul.

My life, now, is constantly wrapped in a nice warm blanket. A blanket filled with comfort, trust, and smiles. I attribute a lot of this comfort to my husband; but I also attribute a lot of it to myself, in the fact that I took the time to really get to know me, and find a partner that enhanced my strengths rather than one that tore me down.

So to that I say thank you to the love of my life, and to those of you out there hurting, “this too shall pass”…you just have to find your warm blanket.