Right now I am at a very pivotal point in my career (my
non-writing career that is). I am in the midst of studying for the final
examination for my appraisal career. It is four and a half years, 2,500 field
hours, and over 200 education hours in the making. So for the past four months
I have been diligently studying, reviewing, prepping, and doing anything and
everything to prepare for this massive exam.
But it is not the only thing going on in my life. I still
have a job, a side job, building a house, and most importantly three wonderful
little boys to raise, love, and enjoy (especially over the holiday season). So
even though there have been some evenings where my stress level is on full
tilt, and I know I am under the gun on meeting my studying goals, I have
noticed my patience are running a little more thin than usual. I am not upset
with anyone, it is just the toll that stress takes on you physically and
mentally.
I have tried really hard to keep my patience in check, and
not get upset with the boys or my husband, but unfortunately the house, these
last few weeks, hasn’t run as smoothly as they normally would. But Exam Day is noted
by a huge red circle on my calendar, and that day is almost upon me; so at 2pm
on that day, I know that everything will
be back to normal.
Even though this has been my primary focus, and all my extra
energy, time and mental capacity has been devoted to preparing for this exam. I
can’t forget the three little faces, eyes, arms that need hugs, and sweet
thoughts and words need Mommy’s attention too.
I don’t want to brush off cuddle time at night, or book
reading time, or “hey mom come outside and watch me shoot hoops”, or the “Momma,
look at the wall I built out of my blocks”, or even the “Momma, come sit with
me on the couch and watch TV”. I know they will always need me, but I don’t ever
want them to stop wanting me because I brushed them off too many times. I don’t
want my “I’ll be there in a minute” to turn into 15 minutes, and then it is a
moot point; regardless of this exam or not, I have to remember that they have
feelings too, and I need to muster up that last bit of energy at night to give
them the attention they need. Even though I feel like flopping myself into my
bed and not waking up for about six months.
I think it is good for my boys to see Mommy so devoted and
concerned about something; it helps them realize that mommy is a real person with
goals, dreams, and aspirations. But I don’t ever want them to think that
anything in this entire world will ever come before them. I think this has had
the biggest effect on my oldest. He keeps asking me when the test is…he tells
me he is praying for me, but he has also realizes just how much mommy does for
everyone around the house…and that right now, Mommy isn’t doing as much.
Don’t get me wrong, my house hasn’t turned to shambles, the
laundry is getting done, the food is cooked every night, and the teeth are
brushed. But it’s the little details that he is noticing, that I think are
making him appreciate Mommy a little bit more lately. The laundry is done,
maybe not as quickly as they would like; the food is cooked, maybe not as
elaborately as it usually is; and the teeth are brushed, but the cuddle and
reading time is definitely shorter.
Again though, this is temporary. But I don’t want the
temporary to turn in to permanent, so I have had to be really careful that they
know Mommy will always want to cuddle, to read, and to watch them shoot hoops.
I don’t want them to stop wanting me.
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