Let’s Cleanse

By: Samantha S. Daviss

It’s almost the start of a new year and we all typically want to shed the holiday weight by starting a strict diet regime. We regret all the peppermint bark we ate, all the cookies we shoveled in, and especially all the egg nog we drowned ourselves in for the past month.

But at the start of this year, I of course am going to start my physical cleanse; but more importantly I have decided to start a mental cleanse as well. We as a society have gotten our brains too bogged down with technology, speed, and ramping our minds and bodies up so much, that we tend to lose the ability to focus, find inner peace, and just relax.

And I am one of the guiltiest people that definitely fall into this category. I have two calendars, a work one and a personal one. And my personal one is highlighted, tabbed and categorized for myself, my husband, all three kids; you name it is in there…and for months to come, too.

So here are a few suggestions I have for us all to learn to “un-plug” this year.

1)      Power down. I mean literally power your phone down for at least an hour or two a day, preferably at night, so you aren’t constantly checking it. It will give your brain a chance to rest, and your family the undivided attention they deserve.

2)      Meditate. Find inner peace on some level. Learn to sit still. Learn to relax, and I mean really relax. You don’t have to sit on the floor with your legs crossed like a grasshopper. But find that moment in your day to just chill. Whether you are on your back porch with a cup of coffee, or sitting in your car waiting on the kids, but without a device or the radio on, or like myself, I love to write or scribble down my thoughts. Regardless of your technique, just shut it all down for 10-15 minutes a day.

3)      Don’t sleep with your phone by your bed. I am guilty of this because it is my alarm in the morning. So if you must you must. But don’t climb into bed and read Facebook, or catch up on texts or emails. Learn to do that in a different place of the house. Your bed is your resting place, your sanctuary. It will allow you time to watch TV, to read, to unwind, or maybe pay attention to that person you share your bed with.

4)      Stop wasting your time on the net. We waste about half of our productive day or work day surfing the internet for useless, mindless things or items. Who cares what celebrity married who. Who cares who wore what to what award show. Stop mindless surfing. Shut it down. Use that time for you, for your family, or for something more productive.

5)      Last...slow down, but be productive. I know that makes no sense. But don’t plan 10 things to do in an hour’s time. They say only 2% of the population really can handle multi-tasking. So realize we all stink at it. Learn to slow down and spread your plans out a little more (and I know this can’t always be helped, but try); but don’t become a slug. Use your time wisely. Slow down, but be productive.

Life is chaotic enough as it is. It passes you by way too quickly. So learn to enjoy it. But remember, all these gadgets and devices we all have really are doing more irrefutable damage than good. Cleanse yourself from the inside out. Preferably starting with your mind this year.

I got this...mom thing

Well it’s official, I have encountered every stage of life with my three boys. I have always been one of those moms that has enjoyed each stage of their lives. I loved being pregnant, I love babies, I love toddlers, I love the pre-teen years, and now I am facing the teen years. Those are probably the most challenging for me, on so many levels. I don’t want his heart broken, the attitude can be checked at the door in my opinion, but deep down he is a good kid, in fact they all are, so I know I will survive the teen years too.

But now I am truly in the thick of the whole head tilt “oh, my you have three boys, well God Bless You”, reaction. Yep, I get it now.

I will start from the bottom up. We had just moved into our new house about a month ago, and my youngest was inside laughing and hollering out my name. And I said “Where are you”, and all I got in return was “In here”. So I said “Where in here”. And to my dismay, I heard “In the “watching machine Momma”.  Let me preface this with the fact that I treated myself to a new washer and dryer set, the really big gorgeous ones with the huge drums in them. I decided that my 19 year-old machines could be retired. Even though they were still working great, I felt they needed to be retired, and I moved up to machines that could keep up with my massive laundry loads.

So I off course rounded the corner, and saw his sweet little face smiling and laughing from inside my new dryer. Not only had he opened the door, but he managed to close it too; but in the meantime he had been considerate enough to take his little tennis shoes off and leave them on the floor outside the machine. I know I shouldn’t have laughed, but it was the funniest thing ever. But of course I was the responsible mom and pulled him out of the dryer and told him all the dangers involved. And he said “I sorry Momma, but you laughed”. So I had to explain to him again not to do that again, and I quietly reminded myself, never to let them see you smile…they are always one step ahead.

And the middle one. He is my negotiator. Every time he gets corrected or reprimanded he always has a justification for it. He amazes me. At 40 years old, I am constantly finding myself stumped by my 5 year-old’s remarks and retaliations. But again, I remind myself not to laugh, and I have to explain to him why he is wrong, even though he makes awesome points. But this little guy is a 5-year-old trapped in a 35-year-old body. He fits in great with his older brother’s friends, he can hang with them on the basketball court, and he is tough as nails. But he doesn’t take much punishment or harassment from anyone. He is constantly the picked on  little brother, so when he retaliates it’s huge, understandably so.

With that said, he and his little brother were picking at each other one day, and the little one kicked him in the leg, and so the middle one turned and clocked him in the eye. So to add insult to injury, the little one’s ear was already swollen, red, and droopy from a spider bite the day before, and now his eye was swollen shut. While the middle one was still overcoming a facial injury from running into a metal table.

It truly looked like a war zone on my children’s faces.

But the last scenario I have recently had to deal with is my oldest. His school, with permission of parents, went through the mini-course of “Worth the Wait”. Teaching kids all about abstinence, STDs, and babies having babies.

The day they learned about STDs was my most favorite conversation I have ever had with this kid. He gets in the car after school a little perplexed. I asked what was wrong. He told me they learned about STDs. I laughed and said “They are pretty gross, huh?”.

“Yea mom, they are disgusting. I will never be able to get those images out of my head”. And in my mind I am jumping for joy, “Yes! Something got his attention. Hopefully this will all be burned into his little brain”.

And then he asked me if I knew what AIDS were, and I giggled and said yes. “Unfortunately, my generation was the one that was growing up when AIDS was of such hot concern and issue back in the late 1908s”. And with that he shook his head, realizing his mom wasn’t so old or out of it.

But the next question was the best. “So you know how gross STDs are, I mean have you seen the pictures?” I nodded with understanding. “So do you have one or a lot of them?”

I think my Dr. Pepper sprayed across my car at that moment in time. I couldn’t help to not laugh, but also be a little offended of the vision my son had of me. But mainly, I laughed. And once I composed myself again, I explained to him that I did in fact NOT have an STD, but thanks for asking.

So you see, in my house with nothing but boys and lots of testosterone, there is absolutely never a dull moment.

Speak to them as if it’s their Eulogy

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Genuine people are a rare breed. They are the ones that tell you they love you no matter what, but more importantly they are the ones that tell you how they feel about you or how you make them feel at any given moment of the day.

I was recently blessed with a new friend in my life. I can’t even tell you where or how our friendship grew, they are just one of these people that I met and we instantly connected. Now we don’t check each other’s every move, or text or chat every single day, in fact they recently went on a trip and I had no idea they were going. But to me that doesn’t measure our level or the intensity of our friendship, the intensity of our friendship is measured by the passion we share for each other’s well-being. And I know I have truly found that in this new friend. If we don’t talk or see each other for a few days we always send a friendly text just to say hi or check in with the other person.

But the thing that brings me closest to this person is their genuine heart and ability to truly be in touch with their emotions, and to say what is on their mind. In fact just the other day they were dropping something off at my office for me and right after they pulled away I received a text that said, “I loved seeing your smiling face, it always makes my day.” Now those aren’t earth shattering words, but they are words of truth and full of emotion, and I knew the moment I read them that this person truly felt that way about seeing my face and my smile at that particular given moment in their life.

Maybe they were having a bad day, maybe they were lost in other thoughts and my smile pulled them back to reality, or maybe it was truly just as simple as needing to see a smiling face. Whatever the case may be I love the fact that my friend said exactly what was on their mind at that moment in time. So this prods me to ask the question, why don’t we all speak to each other in this manner? Why don’t we all speak to one another as if we are never going to see them again? And why can’t our love and devotion to that person be presented as well and as genuinely as we do when we are giving the eulogy of the dearly departed?

It is very thoughtful and considerate of us to speak kindly of the deceased, but what good is it doing them? Did they know that their smile lit up your life? Did they know that hearing their voice on the other end of the phone one cloudy day stopped you from making a really bad decision? Or did they know that they truly are just a fantastically dear friend or loved one to you?

If they don’t then you should liberate yourself enough to feel comfortable enough to say it to them. Let them know in the here and now how you really feel. You have no idea what impact it will make on that person for the rest of their life just hearing some simple kind words.

I don’t know why we have become such a guarded society of our emotions and thoughts. You know my mom said something to me a long time ago when I first became a mother, she told me she envied me for how I spoke to my son. And so I begged the question what she meant. She told me that I always told him I loved him and I always told him I was proud of him, from the simplest accomplishment like holding a fork when he was a baby to learning his ABCs. And she proceeded to tell me that she regretted not saying those things enough to myself and my brother. (Although I think she did a great job as a mom). But her point being was that she didn’t tell us enough exactly what she thought or felt.

So there again, why is it so hard for society to tell each other exactly how we feel about one another? There isn’t a chance that goes by that I don’t tell my friends or my family that I love them, they are my world, or hug or kiss them goodbye. I don’t mean this in any morbid context, like “we could die at any moment”. Well of course we can, we all know that. What I mean is let those in your life enjoy the kind words that you are thinking or feeling while they are still around you, not while you are reading those words to a depressed sanctuary of grievers there to pay their last respects.

Live in the now, think in the now, and speak in the now…let them know and hear the love that is in your heart and mind.