What Matters Most

In the Tree House: What Matters Most            

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Sadly in the recent past there have been several tragedies that have hit close to home, and some not so (logistically) close to home…but it’s made me recount to myself, my family and those around me just how grateful I am every single day they are in my life.

National tragedies that have affected our nation have been the Boston Marathon bombing, the explosion in West, Texas, and most recently the horrific tornadoes that swept through Moore, Oklahoma.

But a little closer to home, a mother and father grieve for the sudden and tragic loss of their baby boy. I can’t even imagine the pain that any of these people are going through; nor will I ever say that I understand what they are feeling. Until you have witnessed the pain first hand, you haven’t earned the battered and broken badge to allow you to express just how painful it is.

All we can do as a community and society is be there for those who have suffered through these excruciating losses. And from all of this heartache we must learn what is truly important in life.

When we are gone people won’t remember us for the house we lived in, the car we drove, the jewelry we wore, or the clothes on our back…but they will remember us for how much we loved, how much we appreciated, and how much we showed those around us what they truly meant to us each and every day we were on this planet.

We are thrown curve balls in life every single day, that we must make sense of; some are more demanding and catastrophic than others, but nonetheless we must figure out how to navigate through life with what we are handed.

That is why it is so very important to enjoy every minute you are together; and to never take for granted that you will see their smiling face at the end of the day; because sadly, the truth of the matter is, you just might not see that dimpled filled face ever again. Just like I have said, never go to bed angry; well, never part ways angry. Always tell the people in your life what they mean to you, because you never know when it could be your last good bye, your last hug, your last smile that you will ever see on that sweet face. Make the time to slow down and realize what is the most important factors of your life. Don’t be in such a rush that you miss out on all the good stuff.

To take a theme from an oldie but goody movie, City Slickers (with Billy Crystal)…there is that one thing in life that means the most to all of us. It is different for every one, but there is that one thing in our lives that is our reason for being; but it is up to you to figure it out.

You never know what tomorrow holds; you must always learn from your past; but most importantly treasure the present, for it is a gift bestowed upon us all.

As I squeezed my boys a little tighter, and tucked them in bed with a few more kisses, and grabbed some extra hugs these past few days, I felt a pain in my gut; some of it a pain of guilt that I was able to do that, and these other families were not; but then I realized these people wouldn’t want me to feel guilt they would want me to treasure the fact that I can do just that…love my boys in the hear and now. However, admittedly so, a lot of my pain was for their grief that they could no longer do what I am able to do; and with that I send my love, prayers and support to all those affected by all of these horrific tragedies both near and far.

To you, I take my hat off and acknowledge your strength, bravery and courage for waking up each morning and trying to make sense of it all. But know that your families, friends, and community are there at every waking moment you need them.

Be the Best You Can Be

In the Tree House: Be the Best you can be

By: Samantha S. Daviss

My most favorite job in the entire world is being “Mommy” to my three little men. I am who I am today because of these three.

It’s funny, as you all know Mother’s Day was this past Sunday, but on that day I sat there feeling an over abundant amount of gratitude for what I have been given through those three. They have made me a stronger, more independent, more caring, and a lot less selfish person. And I couldn’t help but think that when I was in my early twenties, I swore off ever having children; and now the root of my existence is within those three.

They have each added so much to my life. Each one of their little personalities reminds me what is really important in life. And that is to laugh, love, hug, and just be around those that mean the most to you in this lifetime. My oldest adds a little bit of wit and dry humor to my life; my middle one challenges me daily with his (intelligent) questions; and the little one is my love bug that is always plopping his cute little hiney in my lap unannounced.

So even though I am constantly being tugged, dragged, and chauffeuring in three different directions, I wouldn’t change the dark circles (under my eyes), the sleepless nights, or the constant reminders to get homework finished for all the money in the world.

But with the appreciation for my three little men, came the reminder that I wouldn’t have any of it, or enjoy any of it without my best friend by my side. In addition to my favorite job as Mommy, I love being “wife, friend, and partner” to my husband. He drives me crazy sometimes, as I do him (I am certain); but he has also made me a better person because of it all.

I always tell my boys and show my affection to their Daddy, because they need to know, if he and I (my husband and I) don’t work; then none of this works.

So once again I recruited some advice and comments from friends and family on what they do to keep their marriages functioning, healthy and alive, so that spark never flickers out. Because being a good wife is important, but so is being a good husband.

So here are the top 10 collected bits of advice on how to be a great spouse:

10) Stick to your vows. You took them for a reason.

9) Adultery, Abuse, and Abstinence…are pretty big No-Nos in the world of marriage. Meaning, don’t cheat on your spouse (if you do you’re a fool); don’t hit your spouse (if you do, you’re a monster); and share the love with your spouse (if you don’t, you’re lazy and selfish).

8) Always keep the lines of communication WIDE open.

7) Be yourself and keep your sense of humor. Don’t take things so seriously, and don’t become someone you’re not.

6) Always put each other first.

5) Never let alcohol navigate or monitor a conversation or argument, because the alcohol will always win.

4) Marry your best friend. Because one day you will wake up, the house will be empty, the noise will be gone…and then you’re STUCK with one another.

3) Keep dating. Never stop dating each other. Make time for yourselves. Not so much so you’re neglecting the kids…but find that balance.

2) As an established wife you should know what you’ve gotten yourself into a long time ago. People do change, they grow and they mature; hopefully a couple will do it together. But remember you can’t change a person.

1)  My (maternal) grandmother always said this to me, and it’s the best piece of advice ever. Always stay up and fight. Never ever go to be angry, sad, or with hurt feelings. One sleepless night is worth more than a bruised and damaged marriage ever could be. Get everything you have to say off your chest before your head hits that pillow. You may have to agree to disagree, but make sure it’s all out there.

No one ever said marriage was easy. But you sure can make it fun if you make sure that you guys stay connected and make time for one another. You just have to keep reminding yourself, that we are all different, but you knew that when you married one another. So if you love them, love all of them; don’t nit-pick at their flaws.

And the most important thing in a marriage is you have to fight for what you started. And by that I mean don’t give up on your life together so easily. Yes things change, yes they may get more difficult because of outlying factors…but if you’re in it for the long haul then fight for it.

I feel that people don’t stick out marriage for the long haul any more. They let outlying factors persuade them too much, or they just flat give up. Give the life you built together the good fight…it may be tough at times, but like I say “It’s gut check time”…when the tough get going, the going gets tough. 

New Moms....

In the Tree House: What a New Mom (or parent) Should Know

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Now typically I am not one to give advice, because the good Lord knows my way is not the right way or the best way. I just say what I think, and give a little insight on how I manage the daily activities, curve balls, and adventures of life.

But I recently attended a very sweet and well-organized baby shower and one of the requests of the hostesses was for each guest to write down one piece of advice to give the soon-to-be mommy. So that gave me an idea and I recruited some of my friends and family to offer up their favorite pieces of motherly advice; be it how to care for the baby, themselves, or just make it through motherhood ALIVE.

What all moms should know:

10) Sleep when the baby sleeps.

9) If there are toys out all over the house, sit back and enjoy them. Because that means your house is full of love, laughter and activity. The laundry will be there tomorrow, the dishes will soon get cleaned, but the time spent playing with your kiddo is irreplaceable.

8) Listen to the advice given by older women…they’ve lived it and learned from it. Remember advice is free.

7) Stop listening to everyone else’s opinions…go with your gut and do what feels right to you and what fits your lifestyle. You’ll learn that not everyone is right and every child is different.

6) Be patient…with them and yourself.

5) Give yourself a little time out when you feel like you are going to explode.

4) Let your children know how much you love them and how proud you are of them each and every day.

3) Do as much as you can together as a family. You don’t realize it, but one day you will wake up, in the not too distant future, and have numerous empty bedrooms that you are staring into and wondering where the time went. (I even do that today, with mine all still at home…but their social lives keep them busy and away sometimes and I miss them like crazy.)

2) Fill each day with laughter. Don’t let the little things in life bring you down…find the humor in it all.

And finally, to new moms…

1)  It’s OKAY….meaning, it’s okay for plans to change. Don’t get so set on one idea that you are completely disappointed when it doesn’t turn out the way you imagined. And this can be anything from your birthing plan (natural or c-section), to how you feed your baby (breast or bottle—sometimes your body just can’t do or produce what is considered the norm in our society), to how a play date or a birthday party goes. Sometimes there are hiccups and things don’t go as smoothly as you would want. So it’s OK, just learn to sit back and roll with the punches. I promise you, those who really love you and care about you, aren’t judging you.

Being a mother is the toughest job in the world. With this “career” comes numerous smaller jobs like being a nurse, a doctor, a teacher, a maid, a cheerleader, a coach, a bank, a chef, a chauffer…but your most important title is that you are their hero!!

Bear in mind, you made these little people, you made the decision to bring them into the world, so it’s your responsibility to devote your entire self to them. You constantly feel like you are failing them, yourself, or society…but just remember it is the toughest job you never get thanked for, your pay is way below minimum wage, and the perks and benefits are gray hair and circles under your eyes…but you wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

Remember, that the kind of people your grandchildren turn out to be is the best evaluator of how good of a parent you were or are to your own children, because we all lead by example.