We are so many things to so many people, that sometimes they
forget we are just us. Or at least we want to be just us.
We are spouse; we are parent; we are employee; we are
offspring; we are aunt or uncle. If you are a mommy, then you are all those
things plus cook, taxi driver, laundry fairy, alarm clock, masseuse, bedtime
story provider, project doer, taxi driver (yes, I know I already said that),
calendar keeper, bank account, lunch maker…. the list goes on and on.
But sometimes the spouse forgets that you are just you, and
really want to be just you. It is nothing against the family, you’re the
marriage, or the kids, or anything. But sometimes it is just nice to be you. Be
able to have a meal without spilled milk, be able to have a conversation
without a million interruptions, be able to laugh (or cuss) without having to
explain or apologize, be able to drive your car and jam out to the 80s without
being made fun of or having eyes rolled at you; or have mindless conversations
with girlfriends without a guilt trip of being gone.
But more importantly we want to be put first sometimes, well
most of the time, by our spouse. I found the best quote the other day:
“Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself; not
what’s left over
after you have given your best to everyone else.” –Dave Williams
after you have given your best to everyone else.” –Dave Williams
This quote can obviously go both direction…husband to wife;
and wife to husband. I have always prided myself on being one of those wives
that puts my husband on an equal playing field if not a little higher than my
kids. I know that may sound awful to some of you. But I don’t mean I love my
husband more than my kids, I just mean that he and I are a team. We don’t let
the kids make our decisions.
I always say, that if our marriage isn’t working, then none
of “this” will work. And that is so true. And besides the fact, one day you
will wake up as a team, and your house will be empty; and all you will hear are
crickets. So, make sure you both stay connected and on the same page.
But with that, your spouse needs to return that favor, and
give you their best, not whatever is left over. I know…parenting, activities,
work, responsibilities; it’s all exhausting, but if you really prioritize what
is important, then life is great and a piece of cake. But sometimes, I feel
that mommies, especially, are forgotten. Forgotten in the sense that they are
people, not these machines expected to cook, clean, pick up toys, have
everyone’s life prepared and ready to go. Sometimes mommies like to hang out,
or be crazy and jump off the boat dock like a teenager, or jam out in her car,
or be looked at as that girl he fell in love with; not some crazy woman who is
always tired, always barking orders and time stamps to everyone, but that
carefree gal that sometimes just wants to ask a simple question, or be herself
without responsibilities.
It's hard sometimes “adulting” but you must take care of
you. And remind your spouse or your partner that the person they fell in love
with is still in there, and would still love the affection, the attention, the
pedestal they once stood on to resurface occasionally. Because as a mommy, even
though we are loved the most by our kids, because they know we are
unconditionally there for them; they also demand the most from us as well. And
therefore, their admiration for us is pushed to the bottom of that hollow well,
we call love.
So, those around us need to remember, that sometimes, we
just want to be ourselves.
