Being the Mom Your Kids will Remember

By: Samantha S. Daviss

As females we are always concerned with how we look, how our outfit fits us, do our shoes and handbag coordinate?...silly minor “girly” things. But as girls we reserve that right to worry about all that stuff.

I recently spent the weekend with one of my girlfriends for a girls’ getaway, and I definitely have a pattern in the women I choose to surround myself with through friendship. They are all extremely strong, independent women that make me proud to call them my friends. They are there when I need them at the drop of a hat, but we don’t need each other to function. But that is just all of our personalities, very strong and independent. But this girlfriend and I were sitting around talking, and we came up with the perfect phrase for all of us, and it is “Ball cap to ball gown”.

That phrase couldn’t be more fitting for my friends and me, but as a mom it is so important to me that my boys understand that I am that same person as their mother. I want them to understand that I am and always will be that mom that will jump in the swimming pool with them, play some water baseball, and out flip them on the diving board.

I may not be feeling extremely comfortable about how I look or feel in my swimsuit, I may not want the rest of the pool to see the cellulite creeping down the back of my legs; but I certainly don’t want my boys to look back on their childhood and NOT remember their mommy rough housing with them in the swimming pool.

I also want my boys to understand that girls can (almost) do anything boys can do. This past weekend my husband and I were out working on our lot that we are about to build on, cutting trees down, moving stones around, moving fences around; basically a lot of manual labor, that I have to admit felt great.

But when I say girls can (almost) do what boys can do; I tried to start our chainsaw and I didn’t have it secured as tightly as I should have and I almost lost a foot. But that is about par for the course for me with my gracefulness. Regardless of my shortcomings in the grace department, I want my boys to remember that mommy helped daddy clear the lot for their house. I don’t want them to have voids in their childhood memory that mommy escaped or ran inside to the air conditioning while daddy did all the work.

Boys are supposed to look up to their dads; as my boys do. They worship the ground he walks on. He plays with them, he teaches them, and most importantly they are his entire world; and the three of them know that about him. Even when he is reprimanding them, they still know their dad loves them.

I am not trying to take that away from my boys, I want them to worship their dad. But I am trying to teach my boys that their mommy is always there for them too. They may not pick a mate like me, and that is okay; but I want them to remember that one minute their mommy was playing in the pool with them or cutting down trees, and the next minute she is all dressed up and ready to go out for and evening on the town.

I don’t want my boys memories void of my involvement in their lives; I need them to know that no matter what happens in their lives I will always be there by their sides cheering them on through victory or defeat.   

I am not saying my way is the right way; but it is my way. And I will always be front and center and in their faces; reminding them to put those electronics down and go outside and play and use their imagination. That it is okay to be the “weird kids on the block” that aren’t allowed to have the electronics in the restaurant; the kids that actually have to sit and talk with their family.

And even though I may annoy them at times, and they may want me out of their way; I will never be out of their memories. I don’t want them to look back on their childhood and remember me as the mother that stood in the kitchen making dinner, or that mom that was always at the spa or shopping. I want them to know their mom can go from “Ball cap to ball gown” in the blink of an eye and they still be my number one priority.

I may have to put my ball gown on in the car on the way to the event (been done before) as to avoid any flying food, play-doh, or any other objects that may damage my gown, but that is the life of a mother with three boys, I guess…but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.