When you Think Your Normal is Normal

You are rolling through life thinking everything is just fine…after all it is your normal. What may be your normal may be another person’s insanity. What maybe another person’s insanity maybe a walk in the park to you. What may be a walk in the park to you, may be complete boredom to someone else.

No matter, your life is your life; until you wake up one day and your normal is flipped upside down. 

Your normal, actually starts to look bad to you; your normal starts to become a fleeting memory to you and it’s only been out of your sight for maybe 48 hours or so. You didn’t realize how hard or exhausting or strenuous your normal truly was on you.

You are just a fighter, you are a survivor; you just wake up every morning, put one foot in front of the other and go about your day, do what needs to be done, and that’s your normal; until your normal gets lightened, or made easier, or the pain or hurt or weight gets lifted.

This recently happened to me. My weight got lifted. My husband was home for more than three days in a row. This has become my normal; for my entire adult life. I was married once before, and he traveled for a living as well. So, I have never had a “9 to 5” husband. But recently my husband was home for almost 10 days; and my “normal” was blown out of the water.

You would think I would have been going crazy and ready for him to leave, and ready to get back to my way of doing things. But quite the contrary. He and I fell into a great rhythm, we worked well together, it was nice to have someone to fall asleep next to every night, it was nice to get to talk to him and get all our conversations done and not feel rushed, like we had to have them finished in 72 hours.

The weight was lifted. What I thought was normal, and what I was accustomed to, was gone; and to be honest I couldn’t have been happier. This new normal was wonderful. I had someone there with me at every baseball game, at the sporting clay tournaments, I didn’t have to drive out of town alone with all the kids, we had dinner every night together as a family of five and not four, he had time to fix things around the house, and I got to sleep next to the man of my dreams for more than 72 hours.

So, your normal, or what you have become accustomed to, may not be such a great normal. But sometimes our mind must protect us, and trick us into to thinking our normal is okay; because if it doesn’t we won’t be able to survive.

We won’t be able to survive raising our kids alone while our husband is gone 22 days a month; we won’t be able to survive the loss of our child; we won’t be able to survive the loss of a spouse; we won’t be able to survive the loss of a limb; so, you see, don’t be angry or jealous as you look around the baseball field at the families that are sitting there together cheering on their little sluggers, because that may not be their normal; just be happy you are there.

Normal is defined as an adjective

1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

2. serving to establish a standard.

So, the question is…what is normal? To you, your life is normal. But a sudden change could instantly become your new normal. Mine did. My husband being home was my new normal. But sadly, I am back to my old normal, and I’m used to it again.

A widow’s new normal could be finding love again; it will be hard opening her heart again, but eventually sharing her heart, her bed, and even her home with another man, will become her new normal. So, you see, normal is in the eye of the beholder. You just have to embrace your normal.

Sometimes Life is Hard

Sometimes life just stinks. Sometimes life just slaps you in the face unexpectedly. But unfortunately, you must find your inner self, your inner peace, and your inner sanctum and keep moving forward.

I was lucky enough to marry my very best friend in the entire world. He listens to me rant and rave about various things. I have a really, really bad habit of repeating my issues or my problems, as if that is going to make them go away.

I just talk, and talk, and talk about them. I am the poster child for “beating a dead horse”. But he has always been my sounding board. About the 100^th time, he kindly says, “Okay, now they aren’t going to change, or you can’t change that, so we need to just move on.” I smile, say it one more time out of frustration, and I move on. Because I know he’s right.

So, I asked him the other day. When something bothers him, why doesn’t he talk much about it, or vent or scream, or yell, or whatever he needs to do to get it out? His response was simple…” Would you rather have someone like me that is fairly calm to talk to or to argue with, or someone who is irrational?”

Although I completely agree with him, I responded with, if everyone were as calm as you, and didn’t have a little spunk, a little fire, or a little piss and vinegar, like I do…then the world would be an extremely boring place. Although he agreed, he reminded me, that there are just somethings in life we just can’t change.

We can’t change people’s minds;

We can’t change people’s opinions;

We can’t change people’s outlook on life;

We can’t change people’s attitudes;

We can’t change their backgrounds;

But the only thing we can do, is we can change ourselves. We can be there for one another, and help each other see the world for what it is. Help each other see the “Big {Picture”; help each other see the argument from the other person’s perspective, and pick ourselves up when we’ve been hurt the most be a big person and just move on.

Because in the end beyond all your fears lies your freedoms. Whatever your fears may be, whatever your freedoms need to be, they are there; you just need to recognize them, grab hold and realize that no matter who hurts you, no matter who doesn’t appreciate you, and no matter who can’t see things from your perspective, you have your right to believe in yourself.