Tears of Time

By: Samantha S. Daviss

I am an emotional person. But I consider it a good thing. I have been called dramatic, but I finally asked those who said that about me, and all they told me was that I carry every emotion in the book on my sleeve and can show a different one in the blink of an eye. And this is a fact that I can absolutely not deny. I have a very open heart…I laugh hard, I live hard, I love even harder. When you are in my graces, you are there forever and embedded very deeply into my heart, my soul, and my every thought.

So I take my dramatic description as a compliment. But I like to call it emotional, because to me dramatic has such a negative connotation. I laugh out of humor, I laugh out of nervousness, I laugh out of anxiety; but I can also cry out of anger, pain, loss, trepidation, fear, and happiness.

I’m that person who cries in my car when I hear the Toby Keith song Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue. That song makes me cry because of the anger I feel for the families and friends of the loved ones lost in the Twin Towers, Flight 93 in Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon attacks on September 11, 2001; I cry out of pride for being an American and standing up for what we believe in and fight for; I cry because America is the strongest country and I am proud to call it my own; and I cry for the pain those families must have felt.

But these last couple weeks have been weeks filled with all sorts of emotions. I cried for myself last week out of fear. I was in an exam preparation course for an extremely difficult exam I must master in order to advance my career; therefore, I cried out of pure exhaustion, fear of failure, and confusion.

I cried (without him knowing of course) for my oldest son who started a new school this year, started junior high, and was the new kid on the block. I had so many emotions all day long on his first day of school. I cried in concern that us moving him to a new school was a huge mistake, I cried in fear that he wouldn’t fit in and make any new friends, and I cried because it seems is was only a week ago that I was holding that baby boy so tightly in my arms, and watching him as he took his first breath and struggled to open his eyes as a newborn, but he is now a kind, handsome boy growing into a thoughtful young man. I can’t believe where the time has gone. I can’t believe that in only six extremely short and fast years I will be packing up his car and sending him off to college. But all my fears and concerns vanished when he climbed in the car after that first day of school with a smile plastered across his face that couldn’t be described unless through a photograph.

I know the world turns and one day turns into the next, all plants, animals and humans must co-exist and the progress of life is moving forward. But sometimes that movement is just too fast.

And the final tears I shed were over the relinquishment of total infancy in our house. My two youngest boys started pre-kindergarten this year. Granted it is just a mothers’ morning out program two days a week; however, it is another milestone in my evolution as a mother. They were tears of termination, the fact that I have no tiny babies left in my home. I know I don’t want any more babies, but the fact that they are all growing up so quickly still leaves a sting and the tiniest little hole in my heart.

They were tears of termination on my babies always being home and remaining tiny toddlers, and also tears of commencement into the next phase or stage of our lives. Although the tears that rolled down my face were more for the conclusion of my boys being babies, it is also exciting to think that they are growing up, and will hopefully be wonderful young mean.

So through all my tears of despondency and trepidation, all at once; my heart was still filled with the enthusiasm of the unknown and “what is yet to come.” I am very excited and anxious to see what the future holds for my three little men. I hope to guide them down the path they were meant to explore, while trying not to leave too many victims in their wake of life.

Change is good, progression is great…but it’s okay to give yourself a little time to cry and adjust to all the changes life throws your way.