I’m Sorry

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Apologizing…it is one of the hardest actions we as humans must do on a daily basis. Only problem is we very rarely do it. Do we all think we are that faultless? Do we not think that our actions and words hurt others on a daily basis? Don’t get me wrong I am not saying the human race is a mean group of being, I am just saying that our actions on a daily basis sometimes require an apology, and saying you’re sorry doesn’t make you a weak person or a vulnerable person.

We all do it. We have lunch with one friend, and run into another; but subconsciously that uninvited friend is hurt. Even though they understand you need time with others, it still hurts, so just a simple “Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t holler at you, it was just a last minute get together”, is all it takes.

Or if you forget to RSVP for a party, you didn’t do it intentionally (at least let’s hope not), so a quick phone call to apologize for being negligent really does go a long way. Most people feel that if they apologize they are feeble or aren’t able to stand their ground. But in my eyes apologizing shows compassion, concern, and respect for others. It shows you aren’t wrapped up in your own life so much so that you aren’t aware you have hurt their feelings or neglected to pay attention to them; it shows you can turn and say “Hey I really messed up, and I’m sorry, it won’t happen again”.

Does that show weakness? No, in fact just the opposite…it shows kindness. And for some reason we all tend to be the least apologetic to those we are closest to: family, best friends, spouses and kids. I’m not sure why that is, maybe because we take each other for granted. Maybe because we know our love for one another is unconditional. I guess. But the fact of the matter is those that are closes to us should be treated with the utmost respect.

If you mess up, just say “I’m sorry!” It’s really not a hard concept. That apology will go for miles. If you speak harshly, or put demands on a loved one, or forget to do something they asked of you…just apologize. Apologizing is the greatest form of flattery. It means you care. It means you love them. It means you recognize their pain and you won’t do it again.

We are trying to instill that in our children. It is more difficult the older they get. It’s like they don’t want to apologize to admit defeat or that they messed up for fear they will get in trouble. But what they don’t understand is that by recognizing the faults, admitting them, and apologizing to us as parents will carry them further and keep them out of trouble longer.

Apologizing to the one closest to you is the most important—your spouse. When we argue or disagree with our spouse or partner, we tend to be our most stubborn. You don’t want to bow down and admit defeat, and defeat is an apology. Guess what…you aren’t always right. Believe it or not you are flawed too. Their poor actions or reactions could stem from something you did earlier or even a long time ago, or it could be an ongoing issue you aren’t willing to fess up to.

Learn to listen and apologize to your loved one. Before apologizing there are a few things to keep in mind when disagreeing with your better half.

1)      Try not to yell! Yelling really gets you nowhere. Talk…don’t yell.

2)      Hear their side of the story. Even though you may completely disagree or not understand why they did what they did…hear them out. In the end, it may make more sense to you.

3)      Be open-minded. Don’t always think your way is the right way, because it is NOT!

4)      At the end of the day…you love each other. No matter how badly you disagree, this is the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with, raise a family with and build a life with. Don’t hate them so much in that moment in time that you can see past that.

5)      Forgive and forget. To keep moving forward, you have to forgive…and don’t hold grudges, you must forget.

And at the end of the day you must apologize, because it is a two way street. On some level you were both wrong, so fess up and apologize.

Apologies are a beautiful thing. They are the sincerest form of flattery through showing respect.

A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. –Gilbert K. Chesterton

The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology. –Red Auerbach