You have to Let Them Fail, to be able to succeed

By: Samantha S. Daviss

During my grandparents’ days of growing up, everyone in the household worked. Everyone had a job, a chore, or some sort of responsibility. A family was a team, everyone had to pull their weight in order to put food on the table. Kids were out on farms helping mom and dad, or they had small jobs in town that brought extra income home for the family.

Then the Baby Boomer generation was born. And the parents of those kids were ready to have some fun, after working so hard and dealing with one, possibly two World Wars, the baby boomers were raised with a lot of freedoms; not on their accord, but because their parents needed to let their hair down.

Now I am not going to walk through every single generation; but the one thing I am noticing about today’s parents and kids is entitlement. The kids think they deserve it; and the parent can’t help but cater to them.

As a young mother I may not have started out correctly, I was that mom that didn’t want my babies to fail, or to hurt, or to be damaged in any way. But now as I watch them grow up and turn in to young men, I realize I have no choice but to let them work and fail and get hurt. It builds character, it builds gumption, it builds strength. I never want my boys to be narcissistic hot heads, but I do want them to be able to walk in to any room, be polite, stick out their hand shake another’s with confidence, and be proud of where they came from and their background.

For example, I was able to help my oldest get a part-time summer job. I know most think that 14 may be too young, but he is working at a golf course loading and unloading bags and wiping them down; so it’s not like I stuck him in a sweat factory for three months. But it is the kind of job that encourages him to grow his personal skill, step out of his comfort zone, be helpful; but most importantly to be humble. I need my kids to learn that you don’t start at the top, you have to work your way up there.

And along the way, they are going to stumble, they are going to fall; and of course mom will be there to pick them up, set them on their feet again and encourage them to try again. But before I do, need them to understand that life isn’t perfect, and you don’t wake up on a bed of roses every morning. 

Life gets messy, life gets complicated; but the more you live it, the more you see, the more you do, the more you will be able to stand up straight with your head held high and endure whatever other complications may come your direction.

We can’t hover over them. I am sure most of you have heard the term “a helicopter mom”; I am there for my kids, I am protective so they don’t get hurt [in the physical sense], but I try to be that mom that lets them grow, fail, and learn from that failure. Because in the end, they will be strong independent adults, that make the right decisions, and can withstand the struggles that life throws their way.

We can’t protect them forever, we have to allow them to take off their rose colored glasses every now and again; because endurance for reality is the best gift you could ever give your child.

Endurance is not just the ability
to bear a hard thing, but to turn
it into glory.
–William Barclay

Endurance is nobler
than strength, and
patience than beauty.
–John Ruskin