Say it Out Loud

In the Tree House: Say it Out Loud

By: Samantha S. Daviss

We all have thoughts that run feral through our minds on a daily basis. Some of them make sense, some are about what we have to do that day, some make absolutely no sense, and some are about others (good or bad).

I have discovered that over time saying what you feel, on a good note, has become a non-existent pastime in our various cultures and societies. Why do we find it so difficult to compliment one another? That is kind of a rhetorical question, but I think if we could all actually come up with a tangible reason, we would all realize how wonderful the art of flattery really is.

Do we think that if we pay someone a compliment we deserve one in return, and if we don’t receive that compliment then our feelings get hurt? Or has society just become that self-involved and lazy that we just don’t bother to brighten someone’s day with something nice to say? Or have we all become that bitter that we don’t have anything nice to say, or see the good in someone else in order to pay them the compliment they deserve?

So many unanswered variables…but to me paying a compliment is like Christmas Day. I love nothing more than to give gifts and watch all the smiles and hugs and gratitude come to life when people receive something they wanted or didn’t even expect to receive. That to me is like paying someone a compliment, especially when you completely catch them off-guard; the look on their face is “Seriously, are you talking to me?”

I just love to brighten someone’s day with a simple acknowledgement of their clothes, their hair, their smile, maybe even the fact they got their toes painted that day. It is such an easy, simple, insignificant gesture; to praise someone.

In fact, recently, one of my best friends paid me the best compliment I could have ever received…she told me I was funny. I immediately disagreed with discomfiture, but she persisted with her compliment of humor convincing me that she has always thought I was funny. It really touched me and I loved hearing it from someone who has been my friend for 20 years. But then I thought, “Hmmmm why don’t we all compliment each other more often?” Because even though we have been super close for 20 years, I never knew she thought I was “funny”. Fun to be around, enjoyed my company, added insight to her life, maybe…but never just out right funny.

And not to brag, but just the other day, I received an email from one of my reader’s praising my writing style and my topics of choice. And to be honest that is the best ego booster a writer could receive. I love hearing from my readers…because this is the kind of job that is very one-sided. I send my thoughts and words out into the world of readership, and sometimes I get responses, and sometimes I bump into people who tell me they enjoy it, but for the most part the feedback is minimum just due to the nature of the beast of writing, which is understandable; but any feedback (or compliments) is much appreciated. So you see we all like to hear from each other on some level.

 

On some level, no matter how self-assured you are or come across to other people, we all love to hear something positive about ourselves; it just makes you feel validated as a person, who you are, your personality, and what you are doing with your life.

Here are a few extraordinary accolades you could shoot a good friend’s way or a complete stranger’s:

1)      Tell a mom juggling her kids, the luggage, and the stress of travel that she is doing a great job and you don’t know how she is doing it.

2)      Tell someone that is funny…that they are funny. Some times we forget to point out the obvious to those around us.

3)      Tell a construction worker they are doing a great job.

4)      Tell the person that takes care of your kids while you are at work, thank you and they are doing a superb job— because the fact of the matter is, if your kids are safe and alive when you return home…they are doing a fantastic job!

5)      Remind your friend that is suffering through a divorce that they are a wonderful person, and it’s not their fault.

6)      Tell a good friend…that they are in fact, a great friend!

7)      Remind your kids of their strengths and why you love them so much.

8)      If your kids do something good, tell them…they can’t read your mind.

9)      Tell your spouse a new reason every day why you married them…leave the nagging at the back door!

10)  And if someone looks like they are loosing weight, tell them! Don’t be envious if you aren’t losing weight, use their weight loss as motivation.

But just remember, offering admiring comments is not a hard thing to do—just say your thoughts out loud, remember people can’t read your mind. I promise if you make it your goal to compliment one person a day; not only will they feel better but so will you…and eventually the world will be a happier place to live.

The Older I Get

In the Tree House: The older I get…    

By: Samantha S. Daviss

As most of us are aware, the older we become, the more comfortable in our own skin we become. We figure out who we are and what type of people we want to surround ourselves with on a daily basis. As younger people we feel that we can’t or shouldn’t say anything that may hurt someone else’s feelings, or stand up for ourselves for fear they may not like us any longer.

But as time marches on, so does our personal strength. We learn that although we don’t need to say anything mean to each other, we can all learn to live in harmony; however, we begin to understand who we are and who we need in our lives.

This past weekend I celebrated another glorious birthday. And I say glorious, because honestly aging doesn’t bother me at all; in fact just the contrary…because if I weren’t aging, then that means I’m not living, and life is the best gift I could receive. Admittedly so not every day is perfect, I get down in the dumps too, or aggravated by life, but at least I am here to enjoy it while I can.

I love to celebrate and enjoy my birthdays, and this one did not disappoint. I’m not one that has to have a big fuss made about me, but I do like acknowledgement…the way I look at birthdays, is it is the one day that is completely your own, so spend it how you want to spend it. And I did just that. I did a little self-pampering that morning, then I spent the afternoon with my babies blowing out candles and eating cupcakes, and that evening I got to go on a date with my husband. And not to mention all my wonderful friends and family that contacted me to wish me a wonderful day.

A gal couldn’t have asked for a more perfect birthday. I was literally and figuratively surrounded by those who care for me the most in this world. Which leads me back to the beginning of my thought process here…

It has taken me a while, but I have been absolutely overwhelmed and blessed to be surrounded by the people I love the most in this world on a daily basis. Whether you are 10,000 miles from me living in Kenya or just down the street, I know for a fact that those folks in my life have impacted me in a positive manner and made a difference in my life and that of my family’s.

One of my closest friends sent me a card that said something to the effect of…

“Isn’t it nice to know someone so well that they know everything about your back story and you don’t have to explain yourself or your reasons for doing what you did?”

I just thought that was perfect. Because it is so true, you feel the most secure around those who truly accept you for who you are, and your past. There is no explanation needed, no justification, just a simple “This is why” and that friend loves you regardless. I feel that if you really love or care about someone, there should be no judgment passed on their actions, their past or their future decisions. That is what true devotion really is; is allowing that person to be themselves.

I will never forget I had a girlfriend once, who sadly I lost in a horrific car accident right around our 30^th birthdays. When she first came into “our group” of friends, she was very nervous, because she was the new kid on the block and dating one of our guy friends. But to boot she was pregnant (with his baby), but no plans of marriage were on the horizon. I had never met her, but instantly I fell in love with her. She was real, kind, and genuine; someone I knew I would want in my life for a very long time.

Well as the years passed, and we grew closer, she admitted to me that when we first met, she was extremely nervous to meet us all; mainly due to her unexpected pregnancy. But she told me the one thing she loved about me instantly was that I never judged her or made her feel like she was being scrutinized under a microscope. And I simply replied with “Why would I judge you?”

“That baby wasn’t a mistake; it just came a little earlier on your timeline than expected. I got to know you for you; because looking in the mirror I definitely know I’m not perfect.”

And that is how I feel everyone should respond to someone they don’t truly know. Get to know them first then make your own assessment of that person; don’t listen to idle rumors or stories creeping through the grapevine, because you never know… that person may make the biggest most positive impact on your life you could ever imagine.

Dishonesty at the Pump

In the Tree House: Dishonesty at the Pump

By: Samantha S. Daviss                       

Well this week isn’t a funny antic that happened in my house, or another exciting airport adventure. Nope, this week I have to step up on my soapbox about something that has been irritating me for a really long time now, and what happened to my husband and I recently just sent me over the edge of composure.

My husband and I were at the gas station together the other day, I had just finished filling up my vehicle and before we put the gas pump away he went ahead and filled up one of our small plastic gas cans for our lawn mower. Just your normal everyday activity…nothing unusual.

As we were finishing this mundane task, a nice looking older gentleman approached us and asked for some money. Now bare in mind I have a huge and generous heart, as does my husband; and when anyone is in need of help we try to do our part in giving back, but sometimes we have our guard up and feel like we are about to get ripped off.

He told us his vehicle wasn’t parked far away, but he had run out of gas. So my husband quickly thinking, offered some of the gas from our gas can rather than money; which was smart. The man apologized profusely and said he was on a fixed income, and he was truly sorry and really embarrassed.

So as I watched my husband doing his good deed, I thought, well this man seems nice enough, and we are giving him gas and not money. I thought maybe, nay hopefully, this time the request for help was legitimate. They finished up with the gas, my husband came back to the car; and we weren’t even out of the parking lot of the gas station when I noticed this man had driven up to the drive-thru window only to purchase cigarettes.

My emotional top blew off of my head. He gave us an entire story of how he is on a fixed income and can’t afford gas, but yet he has enough money for cigarettes. Well guess what people, we are all on a fixed income if you think about it.

My husband and I both work to provide for our kids, to give them the best life we can give them; and you are taking our hard earned money and gasoline away from us and our family, when clearly you have enough for other priorities in your life.

And I am not just picking on this man. We had a woman approach us in another parking lot looking for gas money, not too long ago. She said her car was stalled out, and pointed to it. So my husband being a good Samaritan gave her a few bucks; and after she had hit up all the folks she could in the parking lot, walked to her car and they (she and her accomplice) sped off together. So apparently they didn’t need gas that badly either, if their car was able to drive away from the scene.

So here is my beef. I am not going to get all political here; I am not going to pound judgment on the government. That topic is for each of us to decide on our own. But what angers me, saddens me, and just down right irks me is the fact that we (my husband and I) are essentially getting robbed in broad daylight.

It saddens me because I have to teach my kids to be thick skinned and not generous people, and not willing to put there neck out there for folks who may really need assistance. I hate the fact that our society has come to this; petty thievery.

I work extremely hard everyday, with multiple jobs mind you, to help contribute to our family’s household income, and then to go and fill my car up with gasoline, and get lied to and robbed; man, I really just can’t believe that my kids are having to grow up in such a world as it is today.

What happened to the good ol’ days of riding our bikes on the street and not worrying about abduction, or getting hit by a car for fear they might not be paying attention due to texting while driving? What happened to actually filling someone’s tank up with gas, and them really not having money?

What happened to just plain old honesty and setting good examples for our children? Think about it folks, we all work hard (or should work hard) for what we have. Handouts are no way to set examples for this next generation, all it’s teaching them is laziness. If you really are in need of aid, then I completely understand, but to lie; turn and get cigarettes or drive away, when clearly you weren’t in need of assistance, then you really need to re-evaluate your lifestyle.

No More Mondays

In the Tree House: No More Mondays

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Another weekend gone, another work week and school week begins. Unfortunately, poor Monday has gotten a bad reputation over the years. It’s the day and the morning that we all dread; jumping out of our warm cozy sheets at the crack of dawn, only to leap into the grind of life again.

Even though technically it is the second day of the week, according to the dictionary; it still gets poo-bahed for being the start of the abhorrent work week.

In the dictionary its definition is as follows:

Mon·day

/ˈmʌn deɪ, -di/ Show Spelled [muhn-dey, -dee] Show IPA

noun

the second day of the week, following Sunday.

---

Origin:
before 1000; Middle English Mone ( n ) day, Old English mōn ( an ) dæg,  translation of Late Latin lūnae diēs  moon's day

But regardless of whether in your calendar it is the first day or the second day of your week, it still rolls around every seven days like clockwork. The dreaded day to get up, put work clothes on, not sweats or comfy clothes; the day to start our first morning off with a cup of Joe, in hopes of waking ourselves up; and the day the kiddos growl their loudest at having to roll out of bed once again and start another long week at school.

Even though it may not be our most favorite of days, it still occurs; and it is still a reminder that whether or not we want it to occur, life is a constant cycle.

But what if you had no more Mondays? How would you feel about it then? What if the previous Friday afternoon, followed by happy hour with friends was your last? What if somewhere during that beautiful sunny weekend you were enjoying with friends and family and possibly your dog, was your last; unbeknownst to you? A tragic accident was on the horizon of your fate and there was nothing you could do about it.

Or what if, you knew your Mondays were limited? You had a terminal illness with no cure, or you have been fighting the good fight to ward it off; but the previous Friday you were told by your doctor that you only had a couple weeks to live? Which means you only had two Mondays left in your life… how would you feel about those “yucky, mean old, depressing” Mondays then?

Not so bad huh?

Or what if that little person you had to drag out of bed to get prepped for school was no longer there to drag out of bed? You might just look at those Mondays a little bit differently huh?

The old adage(s) are to live life to its fullest, to make each day count, to treat each day as if it were your last. I could go on and on with the quips, quotes and clichés, but I won’t.

But I am going to tell you that no matter how tired you are from your fun weekend, or how much you are dreading that presentation you have to give to the Board of Directors at 8:00 a.m. on Monday morning…guess what, you get to do it.

My point being never take for granted what you are given to live each and every day, because one day it could be changed in the blink of an eye. It may not be an instant change, it could be a change that happens over time. Such as a terminal disease waiting to run its course; or the start of your child’s senior year, and the days that they wake up in their bed, in their room, and each cereal at your kitchen table are only numbered until it is their time to start college and their own life.

My personal adage is…Life is ever changing, and we have to learn to adapt and change with it; but never get so down on the monotony in life that your resent it, because that monotony IS life. It’s what makes every day, another day we get to live on this wonderful place we call Earth, with the ones we love the most.

So next time Monday rolls around; instead of dreading getting out of bed, maybe try looking at it as a fresh start. Another week to tackle a personal objective, or another day to see your babies’ smiling faces as they greet the morning, or just another Monday that you were blessed to experience.