The Hardest Job You'll Never Know

In the Tree House: The Hardest Job You’ll Never Know

By: Samantha S. Daviss

As a mother you never know what is right around the next corner. It is like a tornado sneaking in across the plains of Oklahoma. All is calm in your life and then in an instant it is turned upside down. As a mother, I have endured some unexpected life occurrences in the past 12 days. Some have been good and some not so good; but I can say “Thank You” to the good Lord above, that none of them were so severe that they couldn’t be repaired.

As a mother of three boys I feel that we should have (not to coin a phrase from Disney World), but a FastPass to the emergency room. My baby, who just turned two, was casually walking across the parking lot, tripped and ended up with a rock in his forehead; and after much discussion between my husband and I; him not thinking it was too severe, and myself knowing the size of rock that came out of his head…ended up in the E.R. resulting in two stitches.

Shortly thereafter, out oldest ended up in the dental chair for over four hours, having his two front teeth reshaped, rebuilt, and molded to emulate his beautiful former, and might I add…permanent teeth. He knocked out about 75% of his two front teeth after losing a wrestling match to a bean bag chair and two buddies, and of course our tile floor. But as I mentioned, thank goodness, both of these mishaps were completely mendable.

However, the next episode in our lives recently has been the fact that my boys are all growing up…this is something that this mommy doesn’t take lightly or deem plausible at times.  But our middle son is now old enough to play t-ball, and he is absolutely loving it. He is really aggressive and competitive, and will run clear across the field to grab the ball to tag someone out. It is humorous to me to see just how different your children can be. My oldest has always loved sports and wanted to be involved, but he was the kid standing in the outfield picking up daisies and making shapes with them; but our middle child will plow through the field to tag his opponent out without any concern that he took out five teammates along the way. So I wait with anxiousness to see what my third boy will bring to the “show”.

But when you make that decision to become a mother, you never realize that it will be the hardest job you never knew. You aren’t told that you will never again be able to relax again for even a  second in your life in concern for their whereabouts, their safety or their well being. You will never again be able to walk into a movie theater and enjoy two hours of complete silence and relaxation; because you wont allow yourself to completely shut your phone off. As a mother there is not a second goes by that you aren’t on call.

There isn’t a turn of your car key that doesn’t send chills up your spine, whether you are in your car alone or your car is filled with all your babies; for fear that you might or might not return home safely and able to resume life is as it should be, and always has been. All of these little factors that you once took for granted are now major life altering decisions that could change the fate of your life and that of your family’s forever.

We shouldn’t live in fear for the rest of our lives for the “what if” factor, but becoming a mother makes you more aware of your life and the world around you.

There are so many outlying facets that affect your world after you hold that bundle of joy in your arms and watch them grow up; issues that you wouldn’t even think about before you gain the title of mother. Like when you look down at your stomach and see your skin shining in the light from the glorious stretch marks or c-section scar; you don’t view them as a form of depreciation to your body, but as badges of honor and a testament to what you sacrificed for that little person.

Or the fact that your relationship with your husband will never be the same again, you will gain strength where you never thought possible, and the things that were once important are absolutely meaningless now. He will now do things for you or your baby that you would never have thought romantic nine months earlier, but now you see them as the most genuine selfless acts you’ve ever seen one human being do for another…like take the trash out without being asked.

The honor of parenthood and motherhood changes your world in so many ways. You learn to calm yourself in the midst of a crisis to ease the fear and uncertainty your little one is having to endure; when on the inside you are absolutely screaming and sobbing inside hoping that all will be right again in their little world. You learn to hear words you might not want to acknowledge or admit to coming from your teenager’s mouth, but the importance of maintaining that bridge of communication is the most important bond you will ever battle to maintain; and the ability to accept your child for their strengths, weaknesses and errors and love them unconditionally.

As a mother you learn turn a blind eye to things you would never be able to ignore in your previous life. So to all the daughters, mothers and mothers-to-be…you must remember your life will never be the same. Your heart will be exposed for the rest of your life, but you must remain the rock in their lives and comfort them when they need comforting, but you must learn to give them wings and fly when they are ready to see the world for themselves. That release will be the most painful thing you will have to do as a mother, aside from an unspeakable tragedy which I hope no mother has to endure, but they must see the world and life through their eyes, not yours. Their way may be different than how you would do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way.

Remember to love your child in their entirety, not just their attributes, because in the end they make you a better, stronger person.

What Matters Most

In the Tree House: What Matters Most            

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Sadly in the recent past there have been several tragedies that have hit close to home, and some not so (logistically) close to home…but it’s made me recount to myself, my family and those around me just how grateful I am every single day they are in my life.

National tragedies that have affected our nation have been the Boston Marathon bombing, the explosion in West, Texas, and most recently the horrific tornadoes that swept through Moore, Oklahoma.

But a little closer to home, a mother and father grieve for the sudden and tragic loss of their baby boy. I can’t even imagine the pain that any of these people are going through; nor will I ever say that I understand what they are feeling. Until you have witnessed the pain first hand, you haven’t earned the battered and broken badge to allow you to express just how painful it is.

All we can do as a community and society is be there for those who have suffered through these excruciating losses. And from all of this heartache we must learn what is truly important in life.

When we are gone people won’t remember us for the house we lived in, the car we drove, the jewelry we wore, or the clothes on our back…but they will remember us for how much we loved, how much we appreciated, and how much we showed those around us what they truly meant to us each and every day we were on this planet.

We are thrown curve balls in life every single day, that we must make sense of; some are more demanding and catastrophic than others, but nonetheless we must figure out how to navigate through life with what we are handed.

That is why it is so very important to enjoy every minute you are together; and to never take for granted that you will see their smiling face at the end of the day; because sadly, the truth of the matter is, you just might not see that dimpled filled face ever again. Just like I have said, never go to bed angry; well, never part ways angry. Always tell the people in your life what they mean to you, because you never know when it could be your last good bye, your last hug, your last smile that you will ever see on that sweet face. Make the time to slow down and realize what is the most important factors of your life. Don’t be in such a rush that you miss out on all the good stuff.

To take a theme from an oldie but goody movie, City Slickers (with Billy Crystal)…there is that one thing in life that means the most to all of us. It is different for every one, but there is that one thing in our lives that is our reason for being; but it is up to you to figure it out.

You never know what tomorrow holds; you must always learn from your past; but most importantly treasure the present, for it is a gift bestowed upon us all.

As I squeezed my boys a little tighter, and tucked them in bed with a few more kisses, and grabbed some extra hugs these past few days, I felt a pain in my gut; some of it a pain of guilt that I was able to do that, and these other families were not; but then I realized these people wouldn’t want me to feel guilt they would want me to treasure the fact that I can do just that…love my boys in the hear and now. However, admittedly so, a lot of my pain was for their grief that they could no longer do what I am able to do; and with that I send my love, prayers and support to all those affected by all of these horrific tragedies both near and far.

To you, I take my hat off and acknowledge your strength, bravery and courage for waking up each morning and trying to make sense of it all. But know that your families, friends, and community are there at every waking moment you need them.

Be the Best You Can Be

In the Tree House: Be the Best you can be

By: Samantha S. Daviss

My most favorite job in the entire world is being “Mommy” to my three little men. I am who I am today because of these three.

It’s funny, as you all know Mother’s Day was this past Sunday, but on that day I sat there feeling an over abundant amount of gratitude for what I have been given through those three. They have made me a stronger, more independent, more caring, and a lot less selfish person. And I couldn’t help but think that when I was in my early twenties, I swore off ever having children; and now the root of my existence is within those three.

They have each added so much to my life. Each one of their little personalities reminds me what is really important in life. And that is to laugh, love, hug, and just be around those that mean the most to you in this lifetime. My oldest adds a little bit of wit and dry humor to my life; my middle one challenges me daily with his (intelligent) questions; and the little one is my love bug that is always plopping his cute little hiney in my lap unannounced.

So even though I am constantly being tugged, dragged, and chauffeuring in three different directions, I wouldn’t change the dark circles (under my eyes), the sleepless nights, or the constant reminders to get homework finished for all the money in the world.

But with the appreciation for my three little men, came the reminder that I wouldn’t have any of it, or enjoy any of it without my best friend by my side. In addition to my favorite job as Mommy, I love being “wife, friend, and partner” to my husband. He drives me crazy sometimes, as I do him (I am certain); but he has also made me a better person because of it all.

I always tell my boys and show my affection to their Daddy, because they need to know, if he and I (my husband and I) don’t work; then none of this works.

So once again I recruited some advice and comments from friends and family on what they do to keep their marriages functioning, healthy and alive, so that spark never flickers out. Because being a good wife is important, but so is being a good husband.

So here are the top 10 collected bits of advice on how to be a great spouse:

10) Stick to your vows. You took them for a reason.

9) Adultery, Abuse, and Abstinence…are pretty big No-Nos in the world of marriage. Meaning, don’t cheat on your spouse (if you do you’re a fool); don’t hit your spouse (if you do, you’re a monster); and share the love with your spouse (if you don’t, you’re lazy and selfish).

8) Always keep the lines of communication WIDE open.

7) Be yourself and keep your sense of humor. Don’t take things so seriously, and don’t become someone you’re not.

6) Always put each other first.

5) Never let alcohol navigate or monitor a conversation or argument, because the alcohol will always win.

4) Marry your best friend. Because one day you will wake up, the house will be empty, the noise will be gone…and then you’re STUCK with one another.

3) Keep dating. Never stop dating each other. Make time for yourselves. Not so much so you’re neglecting the kids…but find that balance.

2) As an established wife you should know what you’ve gotten yourself into a long time ago. People do change, they grow and they mature; hopefully a couple will do it together. But remember you can’t change a person.

1)  My (maternal) grandmother always said this to me, and it’s the best piece of advice ever. Always stay up and fight. Never ever go to be angry, sad, or with hurt feelings. One sleepless night is worth more than a bruised and damaged marriage ever could be. Get everything you have to say off your chest before your head hits that pillow. You may have to agree to disagree, but make sure it’s all out there.

No one ever said marriage was easy. But you sure can make it fun if you make sure that you guys stay connected and make time for one another. You just have to keep reminding yourself, that we are all different, but you knew that when you married one another. So if you love them, love all of them; don’t nit-pick at their flaws.

And the most important thing in a marriage is you have to fight for what you started. And by that I mean don’t give up on your life together so easily. Yes things change, yes they may get more difficult because of outlying factors…but if you’re in it for the long haul then fight for it.

I feel that people don’t stick out marriage for the long haul any more. They let outlying factors persuade them too much, or they just flat give up. Give the life you built together the good fight…it may be tough at times, but like I say “It’s gut check time”…when the tough get going, the going gets tough. 

New Moms....

In the Tree House: What a New Mom (or parent) Should Know

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Now typically I am not one to give advice, because the good Lord knows my way is not the right way or the best way. I just say what I think, and give a little insight on how I manage the daily activities, curve balls, and adventures of life.

But I recently attended a very sweet and well-organized baby shower and one of the requests of the hostesses was for each guest to write down one piece of advice to give the soon-to-be mommy. So that gave me an idea and I recruited some of my friends and family to offer up their favorite pieces of motherly advice; be it how to care for the baby, themselves, or just make it through motherhood ALIVE.

What all moms should know:

10) Sleep when the baby sleeps.

9) If there are toys out all over the house, sit back and enjoy them. Because that means your house is full of love, laughter and activity. The laundry will be there tomorrow, the dishes will soon get cleaned, but the time spent playing with your kiddo is irreplaceable.

8) Listen to the advice given by older women…they’ve lived it and learned from it. Remember advice is free.

7) Stop listening to everyone else’s opinions…go with your gut and do what feels right to you and what fits your lifestyle. You’ll learn that not everyone is right and every child is different.

6) Be patient…with them and yourself.

5) Give yourself a little time out when you feel like you are going to explode.

4) Let your children know how much you love them and how proud you are of them each and every day.

3) Do as much as you can together as a family. You don’t realize it, but one day you will wake up, in the not too distant future, and have numerous empty bedrooms that you are staring into and wondering where the time went. (I even do that today, with mine all still at home…but their social lives keep them busy and away sometimes and I miss them like crazy.)

2) Fill each day with laughter. Don’t let the little things in life bring you down…find the humor in it all.

And finally, to new moms…

1)  It’s OKAY….meaning, it’s okay for plans to change. Don’t get so set on one idea that you are completely disappointed when it doesn’t turn out the way you imagined. And this can be anything from your birthing plan (natural or c-section), to how you feed your baby (breast or bottle—sometimes your body just can’t do or produce what is considered the norm in our society), to how a play date or a birthday party goes. Sometimes there are hiccups and things don’t go as smoothly as you would want. So it’s OK, just learn to sit back and roll with the punches. I promise you, those who really love you and care about you, aren’t judging you.

Being a mother is the toughest job in the world. With this “career” comes numerous smaller jobs like being a nurse, a doctor, a teacher, a maid, a cheerleader, a coach, a bank, a chef, a chauffer…but your most important title is that you are their hero!!

Bear in mind, you made these little people, you made the decision to bring them into the world, so it’s your responsibility to devote your entire self to them. You constantly feel like you are failing them, yourself, or society…but just remember it is the toughest job you never get thanked for, your pay is way below minimum wage, and the perks and benefits are gray hair and circles under your eyes…but you wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

Remember, that the kind of people your grandchildren turn out to be is the best evaluator of how good of a parent you were or are to your own children, because we all lead by example.

Cleaner Closet = Cleaner Soul

In the Tree House: Cleaner Closet = Cleaner Soul

By: Samantha S. Daviss

This last week was crazy busy for me. Our entire office moved into our beautiful brand new office building. We are all so excited for the fresh smell of a new coat of paint, bigger office space, newer amenities; and just an all around new clean work environment.

I don’t know about you, but every spring I try to do a nice general “spring cleaning”. My rule is if I haven’t worn it, looked at it, or used it in the past year…then it’s time to say “adios amigo”.  My girlfriend and I always have a huge annual garage sale in March or April every year (sometimes if we have collected enough stuff, we will have one semi-annually as well). It just feels so good sometimes to cleanse and get of clothes that are worn out, you are tired of seeing or wearing, or just don’t fit right any more.

But I digress, during this move to our new office I took it as a cleansing and organizing opportunity. I wiped every single picture frame down with a Clorox wipe, and I filed every loose piece of paper either in the appropriate file folder or hole punched it and slapped it in its coordinating notebook. It took me three full days of working through lunch to finally reach and obtain this accomplishment, but after the exhaustion wore off I felt fantastic both inside and out.

In addition to my cleaning and organizing spree, I got a little creative with my color palette selection in my office. The colors are based on a beautiful Tuscan sunflower painting that I found, so my walls are a wonderfully cheery and bright Tuscan turquoise and rich mustard-yellow ceiling as an accent. I know it may sound grotesque in your mind, but every time I walk in my new office, I just smile. It makes me feel happy, cheery and bright.

I figure if I have to be stuck in a room for eight or so hours a day, behind my computer, filling out paperwork and away from my kids, so I might as well create a happy environment in which to fulfill all my tasks. But what makes me even happier about my new office is that everything has its place. It is all organized, labeled, and where it belongs to make my life just a little bit tidier.

I know it may sound completely odd, but by insides, my soul, just feels cleaner and more alive knowing that I have personally organized, placed and cleaned every single item in my office just as they should be to make my work environment a well oiled machine.

In addition to organizing and cleaning all of my items as they were put away in my new office, I purged old items that I knew I would never have a use for in the future. I threw out at least three huge boxes of unwanted papers, old files, and just odd office paraphernalia that I knew I didn’t need.

Now there were a few files that I rummaged through that needed to be organized a little better than what they had been, but they were files from “a former life” I once knew, but is just a mere blip on my radar of life now; nonetheless they must be filed and stored for possible future use.

It’s funny what time will do; how it will completely change the perspective on an event that was the axis or the bane of your existence day in and day out, and now they are just old pieces of paper collecting dust on a shelf in your new office.

So whether or not you literally need to cleanse your life, or figuratively, to help you move past something in your life…today is the day. Set your goals, prioritize your list of what needs to be done now and what can maybe be put on the back burner; but remember, just because it’s on the back burner doesn’t mean it is to be ignored.

Start your cleanse today, pick a small area of your home or office and just start sifting through it all. You will be amazed at what you find, what you don’t need, and how much cleaner your soul feels when you are finished.

Accomplishment

In the Tree House: Accomplishment

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Whether you are aware of it or not, every single day of your life holds some sort of fulfilled accomplishment. We all have those days that we feel just drag on; the same monotonous routine day in and day out thinking our lives really aren’t serving a purpose to ourselves or those around us.

We may feel that our simple existence holds no effect on those around us, or just humanity in general. I am not talking about depression or lacking the will to live, I am just talking about the fact that sometimes life can be mundane, and mind-numbing in a word.

But you must realize that every single day of your life is full of accomplishment and achievement for yourself and those around you. Every single choice, decision, and move you make affects all those around you in a positive (or negative) light.

For example, a wife and mother may have completed what seems to be extremely simple tasks for the day which was a quick run to the grocery store, a load of laundry, and possibly preparing dinner for the family. Now to you, that is the same routine you manage every day, but as far as accomplishing something…it is colossal. Because in those three humdrum responsibilities you managed to provide food for your family, offered them clean clothes for the days yet to come, and you’re going to serve up a delicious meal for them full of love and nutrients that they wouldn’t otherwise receive, if it weren’t for your mundane errands.

Even the simplest choices you make offer some sort of accomplishment for yourself and those around you; but you must set those as priorities and follow them as they will determine where your life goes next. I reflect back to the movie “Sliding Doors”, starring Gwyneth Paltrow, in which a simple decision to get on a particular subway train changes the course of her character’s life forever. And that is how I feel about daily life decisions, or as most would call it fate—you must look forward to where you want your life to conclude, and step firmly in that direction.

Our accomplishments are all around us in every move we make…from forgetting something at home and needing to go back to retrieve it, may have resulted in the prevention of a car accident. Or the decision to buy an extra book at the book fair and donating it to the library may have altered a small child’s ability and desire to want to learn how to read.

In those two quick decisions you accomplished two very positive results; the preservation of the loss of a life (or lives); and the expansion of one child’s mind. You must learn to reach into your soul and stop pitying yourself and the repetitiveness of life and find the beauty of what all of your daily accomplishments have to offer the world around you.

Learn to appreciate every moment in life as if it were a gift given to you, not as moments of your life being ripped away from you out of pure torture and boredom. We all have rolls that we must play in this world; some people’s accomplishments are more overt than other—like a researcher finding a cure for cancer; or the president of the United States; or the person who brought down the world’s most abhorrent terrorist. But it’s the people that stand behind those few individuals that got them where they are today.

As an individual on this planet you must realize that no part is to small and the world is our stage; so play the part you were meant to play, and find happiness and joy in every single move you make.  You must learn, nay strive to expect the best from each feat that you provide in every moment of every day and as a result of that attitude it will be those accomplishments that bring you to where you are today, and will take you to where you are headed “tomorrow”. Take pride in every single progression and accomplishment you allow yourself to achieve.

The "Weirdo" at the Airport

In the Tree House: The “Weirdo” in the Airport

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Another Daviss adventure is under our belts. Our travel experience and airport experience went fairly smoothly considering we were travelling with three boys, four suitcases, a stroller and two car seats. But we did make it through everything unscathed, and returned safely.

However, we did have one minor setback on this trip… I won’t go into detail, but I will mention that our three year old is newly potty trained, we were trapped on the rental car shuttle bus for a bit, and my husband had an empty cup…so again, I won’t paint a picture for you, I will just leave that up to your imagination. So maybe our clan was lacking a little dignity and class for those 45 seconds, but another story for the books, and no wet pants. Chalk it up to a life experience.

Remember the character “Pig Pen” from Charlie Brown? That is how I feel when our group comes through the airport. Organized chaos. I know what we are doing and where we are going; I typically have everything organized, children accounted for, and all the luggage in order; but we come barreling through like a little dust storm or miniature hurricane, sort of like Pig Pen always did. Full force, and unstoppable. In a way it makes travelling so much easier for us, because they see us coming, so everyone just instantly clears a path for us.

And yes we are typically the ones getting stared at, because of our unruly force of nature; but when you have the opportunity to travel; do you ever really take the time to check out your surroundings? Do you ever really look around at the people sitting next to you at the gate waiting for your plane, or the people in line behind you at security?

Well if you don’t…START! There are some really amazing, and interesting people in the world. To me, there is no need to go anywhere to see other folks, just go to the airport or bus station and you can entertain yourself for hours. Or if you are starting to feel down about yourself or out of sorts…just go to one of these places and you will feel so much better about yourself than you have in a long time.

My favorite travelers are those that have the Blue Tooth earpiece in on the opposite from where you are standing in relation to them, and they are carrying on a full blown conversation (what looks to be) with themselves. It always looks to me like they are talking to an imaginary friend.

But the traveler I fear the most is the one that has been living out in the bush, or wherever they decided to “discover” themselves, and then they are headed home to civilization, but decide to return without using the modern conveniences that we offer today, like a shower or deodorant. And then you are stuck next to them for four hours on the next flight. I don’t judge people, but a bar of soap isn’t passing judgment, it’s just reality.

Or how about the weirdo, leaning against the railing, with just a backpack, a sports coat and jeans on, and Tevo sandals (with socks I might add), just watching everyone pass by. Is he getting story ideas for his next novel, is he contemplating what to do on his trip he is about to embark on, or is he just a weirdo standing there watching every body as they walk by?

That is one of my favorite parts of travelling; is observing the people around me. They absolutely fascinate me. In fact my husband and I play a game, and make up stories about those around us…like where they are going, where they have been, are they running from the law, or have they just met their mistress on a secret hideaway vacation (masquerading as a business trip)? And then there is me, who will just start talking to a brick wall…I love to talk to people and get to know them, on a temporary level…it makes for such great stories. Plus you never know what you can gain or learn from a complete stranger. So learn to enjoy your surroundings and those around you…you have no idea how absolutely fascinating people can truly be.