How to Survive Life (by Middle Age)

By: Samantha S. Daviss

I’m really not sure what is considered middle-aged any longer. Is it 35, 40, 45? Everyone is so much healthier these days, eating better, and just out living one another that reaching the century mark isn’t that unheard of any more.

But whether you live to 45 or 95, hopefully there are a few things that you realize you MUST know how do to, or at least attempt to do before your time on earth has expired.

I started this list for many reasons: 1) My husband’s career keeps him away from the house a lot at times, so as a woman and a mother, I can’t wait around for him to get home to fix things or do things; 2) This Mother’s Day was an incredible day, as usual there was never a dull moment in our household. It started out with me having to rescue one of our dogs out from under our storage house in our backyard (see, a mother’s duty even abounds to her furry babies too) and the day ended with an impromptu road trip, just me and the boys three hours away to go see our daddy/husband.

My parents raised me to be a strong, independent woman (sometimes I may be a little too independent, or stubborn as my husband likes to remind me) but nonetheless, I am never afraid that I can’t handle anything on my own. I may not physically be able to do it after trying, but I won’t shy away from trying, that’s for sure.

So where I am in my life right now, I feel there are certain things people (not just women) should be able to do or have done, by the time they reach middle age:

1.       Get a passport;

2.       Take a trip by yourself. You need the experience of organizing the trip, packing, getting on the plane, and exploring a new place—all on your own;

3.       Be comfortable sitting alone with yourself. I don’t mean for a few minutes in the car while you wait to pick your kids up at school, I mean really be alone with yourself and your thoughts. It can get scary but we should all know ourselves;

4.       Know how to plunge a toilet;

5.       Know how to change a tire;

6.       Know how to balance your checkbook;

7.       Be aware of the fact that the new person in town is way more intimidated to meet you than you are them, extend your hand for a friendly hello and handshake;

8.       Know how to “sharp shoot” a hole in your yard and plant a tree;

9.       Know how to change a diaper (whether or not you have kids of your own);

10.   Live alone at least once in your life (either in college, after college, or just some point in your life). Don’t go from your parents’ house, to college with a roommate, to marriage without having lived totally and completely alone at some point.

11.   Know how to paint a room;

12.   Know how to use super glue without getting it all over your fingers and sticking them together (impossible…);

13.   Knowing that a controlling person isn’t a strong person, they are an insecure person;

14.   Understand that you need to stop, really stop every day, look around and clear your thoughts. Stop thinking about the dishwasher, the toys on the floor, the PTO meeting tomorrow night; just stop and take time for mind;

15.   Find a mantra, and stick to it. Mine came later in life…it took me getting my heart broken and my world turned upside down, but by golly I found it…and it is “No matter how bad the situation, or the outcome of a situation, if the pain from that situation takes my smile away, then it won, and I lost. I will never ever lose my ability to smile.” Find your own mantra…

16.   Drink more water and more herbal tea;

17.   Know your body, listen to it, and answer when it calls for you;

18.   Unplug. To me this seems odd to write, because growing up, things were so much simpler and slower; but today we have to learn to “unplug”; just like in religion, we all need a day of rest;

19.   Get a massage, try to make it a regular thing, but if not, just get one;

20.   And this is something my family and I live by…get OUTSIDE! We can’t stand to be inside, we are outside the majority of our days, aside from school and work. Our weekends are very rarely spent indoors, and if we are indoors we are probably going crazy.

Life is hard, life is complex; we have more issues than not, but if you break it down and really step back and realize that life is a pretty incredible gift, you just have to know how to make all the tools work then you will realize that life is a pretty cool ride.

A Mommy's Body

By: Samantha S. Daviss

I don’t know why I thought of this or observed it over the Easter weekend; but as I was looking through all of my friends, and some just random people’s photos, that they shared on various social media sites; I saw some of the most gorgeous women I had ever seen in my entire life.

They were beaming from ear to ear with smiles, all surrounded by their families dressed in their Easter best. And then I thought of how we all beat ourselves up for not having the “perfect body” or the “ideal figure”; most of us hoping to acquire the look we had in high school or college.

I’m not saying it isn’t possible, because some women may be fortunate enough to “bounce” back into their former silhouette. But what I realized looking at all of those photos of faces that I have known for many years were the happiest I had ever seen them. Their lives were complete, and they were surrounded by all the little miracles that their bodies had produced over the past few years.

No they may not be the bean poles they once were in high school, or the ideal image of physical perfection they were in college, when they had time to work out at the student rec center, and not be concerned with toting everyone from activity to activity, or going to work, or whatever they do during the day that may keep them from being able to spend hour upon hour in the gym.

And I realized that those little miracles that surrounded their smiling faces of all those mommas, were worth every single stretch mark, every single “muffin top”, every single size we had to go up in pants, and every single new curve we may have acquired over the years because of our little darlings.

I’m not saying exercise is not important. I think it is extremely important. Sadly I don’t get to do it as often as I would like, but I steal every opportunity and spare second I have to exercise; as long as I am not interfering my kids’ activities or needs. My poison is walking. Just a 30 or 45 minute walk does me wonders. I feel better, I have time to clear my head, and more importantly I am doing my heart some good; because after all that is the most important reason to exercise, to stay healthy for your kids so you’re around for them as long as you possibly can be.

So to me seeing a woman with her womanly shape is the most gorgeous thing you can see. She has brought the miracle of life to this earth, and to me that is a blessing that every woman deserves to experience. And you can’t expect your body to be what it once was in your youth; even if you are able to obtain your former silhouette and figure, that is wonderful, but there have been so many changes that have happened to you internally, you may not be able to see; but all the scars and tears, and stretch marks to me are just badges of honor from motherhood.

Moms, don’t be so hard on yourself if you aren’t able to look the way you once looked, or fit back into that skirt you have had your eye on by squeezing back into; enjoy the blessings you brought to this earth.

Just the other night I was lying in a hospital bed next to my oldest son, watching him sleep peacefully from all the anesthesia he was under from his recent surgery on his broken arm (for the second time this year). And I couldn’t help but tear up, because the last time I spent the night with him in a hospital room was during the first 48 hours of his life, just after having him. And I thought about how this amazing (almost) 12 year old little boy has changed my life for the better; how much happiness he has brought me; how much he and I have survived together; and how long our path of life together is yet to come. And through all those thoughts, tears, and smiles and mental path of memories, not once did the thought of “Gee, I don’t have my old figure because of him”; or “Yea I used to be able to fit into those super cute designer jeans before I had him”…not for a second did any of that cross my mind while I thought of our life together; all I thought about was what an amazing little boy that was laying in that bed across from me; and oh how I wished I could take the pain away he was feeling.

So love yourself and the skin you’re in; your Mommy body is an amazing machine, and parts of it have changed, but only for good reason.

Hiring, Must be Highly Qualified for Position

By: Samantha S. Daviss

In our youth, fresh out of college we are all so eager to enter the “grown up world” and start our careers. If you are one of those lucky souls that steps into your dream job, which propagates into your career, then so be it.

Bright eyed and eager we are willing to do most any sort of job, just so we can start earning that paycheck, pay rent, and hopefully have enough left over after bills to have some great fun on the weekends, or as it may be in some cases, during the week.

But after reading the following job description, who in their right mind would apply for this job, nay career?

1.       Must be able to work 135+ hours a week

2.       Ability to work overnight, associate needs are pending

3.       Willingness to forgo any breaks or vacation time

4.       Work mostly standing up and/or bending down

5.       Must be able to lift up to 75 lbs. on a regular basis

6.       Ph.D. in psychology or real-life equivalent

7.       Crisis management skills a must

8.       Ability to manage a minimum of 10-15 projects at one time

9.       Ability to communicate at all levels (basic to advanced)

10.   Ability to improvise

11.   Proficient in handling sticky situations (literally and figuratively)

12.   Ability to coordinate multiple, often conflicting, schedules

13.   Ability to make independent decisions on behalf of others

14.   Ability to work with associates with minimal ability

15.   Ability to work in a chaotic environment

16.   Frequent travel; larger vehicle driving experience a plus

17.   Excellent interpersonal skills and a collaborative approach

18.   Flexible when it comes to surprise requests

19.   Demonstrated knowledge and experience in negotiating, counseling, and the culinary arts

20.   Unlimited patience

21.   Understanding of social media, mobile devices and video games

22.   Understanding of finance

23.   Understanding of medicine

24.   Strong autonomy and Selflessly driven

25.   Valid driver’s license, CPR certification and Red Cross membership recommended but not required

26.   Ability to wear several hats, professional and domestic

27.   Positive disposition at all times

If you answered yes to obtaining any of those abilities, then you just might have found your ideal career or profession.

Oh, but the one thing that was left off that list was the pay….the pay is $0. That’s right you get absolutely no pay, no benefits, just lots of hugs and kisses, cuddle time, and the occasional “Thank You”.

Think you might be interested? If though there is no monetary compensation, the rewards are endless…

So when applying for this position, in the subject of your email, just enter the word “Mom”. That’s right, this is just a partial description, yet a very thorough description of just a single day in the life of a great mom. Remember to thank your mom today for all she does for you, because she doesn’t walk around the house asking for your appreciation, she just does was needs to be done to keep the household moving and functioning in a proper fashion.

Although it is absolutely the most rewarding job on the planet, it is also the toughest. So remember that next time you ask your mom or your wife if your socks have been cleaned and folded…run down the check list first to see what else she has had on her plate for the day…quite possibly it slipped her mind to wash your stinky ol’ socks.

For the Boys...

By: Samantha S. Daviss

 

It’s official, I have decided to not bring any of my nice decorative pieces out of hiding until my last one is off to college. I may not be able to see my collectibles, due to deteriorating eye sight by that age; but at least everything will be intact.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my boys for the world; and as I have always said I don’t think I could handle having a little girl. But must they destroy everything that gets in their way? This past weekend within a 24-hour period they managed to rip the lid off my stainless steel trash can, and put a huge scratch down to the metal in the back of my car. I’ve learned to accept it…I try to stay calm, but seriously?? Can I have nothing nice out to view and enjoy? Oh well, the joys of being a mother of boys (and their friends).

Even though they are rough and tumble on the outside, they are all still just little boys at heart, and they all have a special place in their hearts for their mommy and daddy. And I feel that sometimes in today’s day and age of rush, rush rush, go, go, go…we forget to sit down and just talk to our boys; give them a hug, or let them know that no matter what is bothering them they are free to cry, open up, or just lean on our shoulders. Stereotypically, boys feel they should keep everything bottled up inside; but that is doing nothing but harming them.

I had the best conversation with my oldest son last night driving home from Dallas, and sometimes that’s all it takes, is an hour of alone time, and they are like a massive dam, once one drop of water breaks through, the communication dam is broken and they just start spilling all their thoughts and feelings like a flood.

I’ve modified and enhanced a list of things all boys should hear from their mothers, but mainly their fathers (step fathers, uncles, grandfathers…whoever their male role model is in life)…it’s important they know some of these things. These boys are our next generation of men; and what we expect out of them as men, husbands, fathers, and grown sons. This list may help them understand how to navigate through life, or it may be a way for you as a parent to start a much needed conversation with your son:

1.       Go for a woman that you perceive to be “out of your league.” You may be pleasantly surprised.

2.       Never make love with anyone that doesn’t want it as much as you.

3.       Never throw the first punch, unless they are an immediate threat.

4.       Sex is a personally decision, it should be between two consenting people; not the men’s locker room.

5.       Never make your first date to the movies…be creative.

6.       Learn to wet shave & shave with the grain on your first go-around.

7.       Nothing looks more “badass” than a well-tailored suit.

8.       Always look a person in the eye when speaking to them.

9.       Always be the first to extend your hand for a proper hand shake, and stand up when doing so.

10.   Every hat should serve a purpose.

11.   Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

12.   Brush your teeth before you put on your tie—BUT never wear a clip on tie.

13.   A small amount of your paycheck should go into your savings…every month.

14.   Call your parents every week—no matter how old you are.

15.   Always…compliment her shoes and/or her handbag. She put a lot of effort into her ensemble…take notice and say something. She did it for you!!!

16.   Never leave a pint [of beer] unfinished.

17.   Fake confidence, it will come…but don’t be arrogant. There IS a difference.

18.   Be aware of your body language.

19.   Speak to her as you would want to be spoken to.

20.   The only reason to ever point a gun at another human is if you intend to shoot them.

21.   Never lend something you can’t afford to lose.

22.   Reach for her hand more than she reaches for yours—it’s not a competition.

23.   Ask more than you answer. Everyone enjoys talking about themselves.

24.   Surprise her every once in a while.

25.   Buy high quality tools—you’ll only buy them once.

26.   Keep a change of clothes at the office.

27.   Manliness is not only being able to take care of yourself, but others as well.

28.   Go with the decision that will make for a good story.

29.   Nice guys don’t finish last…boring guys do.

30.   Never cheat…if you want to end it, end it! Be a man---better yet be a classy man! Karma baby, Karma!

31.   No matter their job or status in life, everyone deserves your respect.

32.   The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility; bad things happen, it’s your job to overcome them.

33.   Never stop learning

34.   Always go out in public dressed like you’re about to meet the love of your life—even if you already have met her, dress like it…she’ll feel valued.

35.   Don’t change yourself just to make someone happy, unless that someone is you!! (this goes for the girls too)

36.   If you’re the smartest person in the room...you’re in the wrong room.

37.   Women find confidence sexy as (well you know…); but you must recognize the difference between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is the biggest turn off for women…just FYI!

38.   Do whatever you want to do in life, but be the best at it.

39.   No one is on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at the office…Enjoy your life!

40.   Find the love of your life…she’s out there. Hang on to her, and tell her every day she is in fact the love of your life. Remember, waking up to her is your greatest accomplishment.

 

My boys are my whole world (including my husband). They are my everything. They are my future. I am raising them to be the kind of young men that any girl would be proud to take home to her parents. I know I have succeeded as a mother if my boys find the love of their lives, are happy in their careers, and raise good, kind caring children themselves.