By: Samantha S. Daviss
You would think by the year 2014, we could all wrap our
brains around the fact that some women stay at home, and some women work. No
one is a better or worse mother because of it.
I can personally speak from both sides of the fence on this
particular topic. After college I was in the corporate world for a while until
my first child was born; when my oldest was little, I was a stay-at-home mother
with him, until he went to school. Then I unfortunately encountered a bump in
my personal life, a divorce, which in a backwards sort of way “forced” me back
into the work force.
Once I re-entered the work arena, I realized how much I had
missed it. It was hard for me to admit it out loud, I felt like such a horrible
person, saying that I loved to work. I love using my “adult brain”, but I adore
spending every single spare minute with my babies. Holding them, teaching them,
and caring for them. But I’ll be honest, it took me into my 30s until I felt
comfortable enough saying that out loud, and admitting it to myself; that I do
in fact love to work.
I am one of those people that is constantly doing something,
creating something new; if I don’t have nine projects going at once…I am bored.
But once my other two little ones came along, I internally struggled with the
battle—to work or not to work.
Luckily, I was fortunate in two areas, when it came time to
make my decision…I found the most wonderful lady to care for my babies while I
went to work; she is family to us. And so are her kids…we have all grown so
close that she is literally an extension to our family. We love them all so
very much. And my other fortune was that I left the career I had to start
working and training under my dad. So for now our deal is that I work three
days a week until everyone is in school, and then I will go to five days; plus
I get to pick my oldest up from school every single day. I am truly blessed to
have such a great situation.
But nonetheless, even as ideal as my situation is; it was
still a struggle for me. I stayed home with my oldest, so am I jipping my
little ones from my attention, my love, and my devotion to them? I don’t think
so. I feel like I am a better mom because of it. Because once I was able to admit
that I loved to work outside the home; I am better able to focus my attention
on my little ones, when I am with them. It sounds kind of funny, but I have the
best of both worlds, I get to use my “mommy brain” and my “adult brain”, so I
feel like a normal person.
I made a promise to myself (post-divorce) that I would never
not be able to support myself or my family ever again; no matter what may
happen. Who knows, my husband could get injured and I would need to step up and
support our family, but I wasn’t able to do that during my divorce; so I promised
myself that I had been given a gift of a wonderful college education, and I
would never let myself be that vulnerable again.
But with that said, I was also once a full-time stay at home
mommy. And let me just say that is the toughest job you will ever encounter;
college degree or no college degree. You are on the clock from sun up to sun down.
You are the caregiver 24/7—you are the nurse, the teacher, the doctor, the boo
boo fixer, the housekeeper, and the chef. Plus you still have to maintain
enough energy to be happy when your spouse returns home, and remain upbeat for
your child, so they know they are loved and being raised in a positive
environment; not a grumpy, tired, exhausted environment.
But I think the struggle that still remains today is…if you
are a stay-at-home mom; what do you do all day? And to that I answer…what don’t
we do all day?
And to those who question the mothering skills or devotion
to their children of mothers who work…to that I say…I think working mothers are
more in tune with their kids and want to devour the time they have with them,
because they are away from them a good portion of the day.
So until you have walked the walk, don’t talk the talk. It
is a struggle that sadly women must battle daily. They either need to work or
want to work; or they need to stay home or want to stay home. Either way it is
their prerogative. As long as they are good mothers, good wives, and devoted to
their families; I don’t see why it matters what they do in their personal time.
I also don’t understand why it is the year 2014, and there
are some women out there that are CEOs of major corporations; female jet
fighter pilots; engineers; surgeons; I can go on and on…my point being, girls
can do anything boys can do. So why in the year 2014 are we still being
questioned for what we do with our lives, when it involves our children?
Trust me, as females, we are the best ones to put the guilt
on ourselves (we don’t need any outside help from society to do that for us)…should
we work and help contribute to our household income? Or should we stay at home
and raise the kids? It is a burden that we carry around with ourselves every
single day. My question is, why in 2014, are the men not asking themselves the
same questions?
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