Maybe the Vows we Should be saying??

By: Samantha S Daviss

 

I am all for tradition and saying traditional wedding vows. Marriage to me is a sacred covenant that I think some people enter into too lightly. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not belittling or making light of the traditional wedding vows that are said in front of God, family, friends, and everyone. In fact my husband and I had the traditional wedding vows at our wedding, in addition to vows we wrote ourselves.

 

So please understand that I do classify all wedding vows, traditional or not, into the same category…BINDING.

 

But if you aren’t willing to stay with that person “until death do you part”, or “for richer or for poorer”, “in sickness and in health”…and if you aren’t willing to stay faithful to that person for the rest of your life then A) stop reading this & B) you shouldn’t have gotten married.

 

Marriage is a commitment, a promise, a lifetime of sharing yourself with another person. It is not a temporary act that you enter into lightly, and when the tough gets going…you bail. No that’s not marriage, that’s dating, or dating around, for lack of a better term. If you don’t already love that person enough to stay with them when they lose their job, or get sick or you all hit a rough patch; then maybe that person or marriage isn’t for you.

 

So with the basics of matrimonial promises aside, there are a few additional vows I feel we should let our betrothed know in advance. And these are the same things we should continue to tell them on a daily or weekly basis, just to let them know we love them for who they are, the person they have become, and the person they want to become.

 

You have to be a fool if you think that bright eyed little co-ed you took to your fraternity formal isn’t going to change into a mature and nurturing woman once she enters the work force and becomes a mother. Hopefully she will change for the better, but you must understand that we all grow and change. That is what life experiences are all about…growth and change, and you as a spouse need to understand and accept those changes, and hopefully you all will grow together.

 

These promises, I feel, will add to, or increase your marital bliss:

 

1)      I love and adore you for the person you are today, and the person you wish to become, and hope to become in the future;

2)      I will promise to always treat you with autonomy, and realize that you are still you; I know our lives will become intertwined, but you are still an individual;

3)      I promise to never talk disrespectfully to you, you are the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with; I will always keep you on a pedestal, but still recognize that we all have our faults;

4)      I promise to understand and honor your deepest thoughts, wishes, dreams, and aspirations; and be supportive of you to obtain those goals;

5)      I want to meet your needs and desires, not out of obligation, but because your happiness is my happiness;

6)      I may not always agree with your thoughts or visions, but I promise to keep an open mind and an open ear to hear your side;

7)      I will never abandon you in your hour of need, and only be there for you in your moments of achievement; I promise to be there for both misfortune and triumph;

8)      I will be willing to understand your likes and dislikes, still remembering you are an individual; but somehow managing to make them a part of my life as well;

9)      I hope to keep our lives together full of excitement, passion, and fun;

10)  I always want you to know that waking up next to you every morning is my greatest accomplishment;

11)  I assure you that no matter what life tosses our way, we will endure, fight, and overcome any tribulation as a team;

12)  I promise to put your feelings before my thoughts, after all compassion trumps logic, any day;

13)  I promise we will never go to bed angry, we will stay up and work it through; and I will tell you every day exactly what you mean to me.

 

Marriage is challenging, marriage is work, and marriage takes effort. But if you put as much time into your marriage as you do yourself, then you are set for life. This is a choice you made, not a job, not a chore, an obligation…a choice. You chose to be with this one individual for the rest of your time on this earth. So let them know what they mean to you every single day you take a breath. Because I promise…one day, you could wake up and it’s gone in an instant.

 

Cherish your partner, because at the end of the day, they are who you tell your deepest darkest secrets to, they are the one that is there when the house is empty and quiet, and they are the one that is there for you when you need them the most.