Starting Over

By: Samantha S. Daviss

“Starting Over” is such a scary phrase, isn’t it? No matter what you are starting over it sounds and feels very intimidating. But really what it should be is a learning lesson. Starting over should be what we like to call in golf “your mulligan”.

I have had to start many things over in my life. I have had to start an exam over, I have had to start a job/career over, I have had to start my place of living over, I have had to start mothering over, and I have had to start my personal life over.

Entering into the unknown can be an extremely scary thing, I will give you that. But it can also be a pretty amazing thing, too. You get to redefine yourself and the choices you made the first time around. For example, with an exam, if you know you messed a couple questions up, then you get to go back and study some more, really nail down the ones you know you missed and take it again, on a clean slate. Yes, having to take the exam again that you struggled with can be scary, daunting, and nerve racking; but you get to improve your score from the last time.

I have had to start my job and career over. The first time I did that, I had been out of the work force for about five years as a stay-at-home mom, so not only did I re-enter the work arena, but I re-entered a whole new career path. My education was in marketing, writing, and advertising; so this new career was a huge leap of faith for me, but it was a great move. And now, about six years ago, I started another career path, as a real estate appraiser, it has nothing to do with my education, but I absolutely love it and it is a great “working mom” job to have.

My husband is currently making a job move, from one flying position to another, with a larger commercial airline. He has to learn all new terms, equipment, colleagues, everything. So yes he is overwhelmed right now and a little nervous too, but he is also very excited. So you see the unknown can be daunting, no doubt, but it can also be your advocate as well.

Moving is probably one of the scariest things a person has to enter into with the unknown of starting over. I have moved to six different cities in my lifetime, all with knowing absolutely NOBODY, when I arrived. But over time you start to figure things out, it gives you the opportunity to define yourself as you see fit, and start a whole new life.

Starting over as a mother is a frightening task as well. You could have just given birth to another child not too long ago, or you could have years and years between each child. But the truth of the matter is, it is the scariest thing you will ever encounter. You will hold this little creature in your arms for the first time and realize, that yet again, they are totally and completely reliant on you for their survival. The other unknown is their different personalities. You have to learn to deal with each child in their own special matter. You can’t have a particular way to parent, scold, teach, or love each child the same because they are all individuals with individual ways of doing and learning.

And starting your personal life over whether it’s due to a loss of your partner or the split between you and your partner. It doesn’t matter, starting over is hard and terrifying. First you have to learn to walk, which is being alone and being comfortable in your own single skin again; and then there is the possibility that you might meet someone new and opening up your heart again to a new person, a new view on life, and new ways of doing things is nerve racking. But again, starting over can also be fun and exciting.

It's all how you look at life and the perspective you put on yourself and everything around you. If you accept things for what they are and move on, instead of trying to make everything fit into a perfect little bubble, then yes you will be scared and disappointed every single time; but if you put your “big girl (or boy) britches on”, and put one foot in front of the other, then a new adventure can be very rewarding.