Being the Mom Your Kids will Remember

By: Samantha S. Daviss

As females we are always concerned with how we look, how our outfit fits us, do our shoes and handbag coordinate?...silly minor “girly” things. But as girls we reserve that right to worry about all that stuff.

I recently spent the weekend with one of my girlfriends for a girls’ getaway, and I definitely have a pattern in the women I choose to surround myself with through friendship. They are all extremely strong, independent women that make me proud to call them my friends. They are there when I need them at the drop of a hat, but we don’t need each other to function. But that is just all of our personalities, very strong and independent. But this girlfriend and I were sitting around talking, and we came up with the perfect phrase for all of us, and it is “Ball cap to ball gown”.

That phrase couldn’t be more fitting for my friends and me, but as a mom it is so important to me that my boys understand that I am that same person as their mother. I want them to understand that I am and always will be that mom that will jump in the swimming pool with them, play some water baseball, and out flip them on the diving board.

I may not be feeling extremely comfortable about how I look or feel in my swimsuit, I may not want the rest of the pool to see the cellulite creeping down the back of my legs; but I certainly don’t want my boys to look back on their childhood and NOT remember their mommy rough housing with them in the swimming pool.

I also want my boys to understand that girls can (almost) do anything boys can do. This past weekend my husband and I were out working on our lot that we are about to build on, cutting trees down, moving stones around, moving fences around; basically a lot of manual labor, that I have to admit felt great.

But when I say girls can (almost) do what boys can do; I tried to start our chainsaw and I didn’t have it secured as tightly as I should have and I almost lost a foot. But that is about par for the course for me with my gracefulness. Regardless of my shortcomings in the grace department, I want my boys to remember that mommy helped daddy clear the lot for their house. I don’t want them to have voids in their childhood memory that mommy escaped or ran inside to the air conditioning while daddy did all the work.

Boys are supposed to look up to their dads; as my boys do. They worship the ground he walks on. He plays with them, he teaches them, and most importantly they are his entire world; and the three of them know that about him. Even when he is reprimanding them, they still know their dad loves them.

I am not trying to take that away from my boys, I want them to worship their dad. But I am trying to teach my boys that their mommy is always there for them too. They may not pick a mate like me, and that is okay; but I want them to remember that one minute their mommy was playing in the pool with them or cutting down trees, and the next minute she is all dressed up and ready to go out for and evening on the town.

I don’t want my boys memories void of my involvement in their lives; I need them to know that no matter what happens in their lives I will always be there by their sides cheering them on through victory or defeat.   

I am not saying my way is the right way; but it is my way. And I will always be front and center and in their faces; reminding them to put those electronics down and go outside and play and use their imagination. That it is okay to be the “weird kids on the block” that aren’t allowed to have the electronics in the restaurant; the kids that actually have to sit and talk with their family.

And even though I may annoy them at times, and they may want me out of their way; I will never be out of their memories. I don’t want them to look back on their childhood and remember me as the mother that stood in the kitchen making dinner, or that mom that was always at the spa or shopping. I want them to know their mom can go from “Ball cap to ball gown” in the blink of an eye and they still be my number one priority.

I may have to put my ball gown on in the car on the way to the event (been done before) as to avoid any flying food, play-doh, or any other objects that may damage my gown, but that is the life of a mother with three boys, I guess…but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

The Angry Little Bird

By: Samantha S. Daviss

I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. Is all this anger and impatience really worth living your life like this? I have lived in all three of the largest cities in Texas: Houston, Austin, and Dallas; plus Baton Rouge and the Twin Cities in Minnesota. So I can say this from both sides of the fence.

Although I love the convenience of big city life with the stores, more options, and a larger variety of activities to choose from; at this point in my life I really don’t think I would change my slow-paced rural town lifestyle for anything.

Sure I get frustrated with the limited selection of places to shop and go to; but my thoughts are, head on up to that big city just north of us, get your needs met and come on home. So we did that just the other day. We went up for a quick lunch and then a day filled with entertaining the kiddos, it really was a great day.

I was on a major roadway about to cross over a major freeway in Dallas, when something odd, but not necessarily a-typical happened to my lane. At the light it was lined up directly with the double turning lane in front of me once I made it through the light, or you could jog to the right a bit and continue to stay in the lane going straight through the light, and not have to turn. In fact both of the far right lanes did this, they “juked and jived” to the right a little to accommodate the double turning lanes.

Which was no big deal, until the very impatient and uptight young lady next to me got so upset with me. I guess her steering wheel was not function properly, because she slammed on her horn not wanting to follow in her lane, she thought she could come into my lane. So I have to blame it on a faulty steering column in her vehicle; that must have been the problem.

But “bless her little heart” (and we all know what that phrase means in Texas)…the poor little thing followed me for not one, not two, but four blocks in Dallas, Texas, only to meet me at the next light; she pulled up next to me, rolled down her window, yelled at me, and showed me a really pretty manicure she must have recently had done, not on her pointer finger or her ring finger, but the one in between. So you see where I am going with this.

I started to respond to her, then I observed at her age, and I just shook my head that she was actually that wrapped up with having to chase me down and reprimand me for something I did, that was completely legal, mind you, and show me just how macho she was. I felt so sorry for her that she actually wasted her time, her energy, and got herself so worked up over something so completely trivial.

I feel like society is so completely skewed on what we need to concern ourselves with. Let’s get upset about the abused children, abused animals, wasted products, our environment…I’m not going to turn this political, but there are so many other things we can focus on. Like maybe my new friend could focus or work harder on being happier, rather than so angry. I mean seriously, she is driving around in her own car, that she is able to afford gasoline for, in a very nice part of Dallas, Texas; so let’s focus on what we have and not what we don’t have…like total and complete lane ownership on a major Dallas road.

I am pretty sure that my supposed traffic violation is not the first she has encountered in the metroplex, so does she just drive around with her manicure in the air? People just need to learn to smile a little bit more, and frown a little bit less.

Pillow Thoughts, the man’s version

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Last week I briefly touched on what rattles through a woman’s head just as she is trying to lay down and rest her weary aching bones to try and squeeze in at least six good hours of sleep. Well that “little project” prompted me to get the man’s nightly ritual of preparing their minds for a restful night’s sleep.

So here is what goes through the man’s head as he snuggles down into deep sleep for the night.......

Just in case you missed it, here it is again…a man’s thoughts before sleeping…………

Yep that’s it. That’s all they think about…NOTHING!

I would like to say all joking aside, this intrigued me into actually diving in to the man’s psyche just a little bit. So my husband and I were driving along together and I asked him, “What do you think about before you go to sleep?”

“Interesting question he said, honestly not much of anything.” So I asked, “You don’t even think about the kids, what you need to get done the next day, work, anything like that?”

“Nope, guys typically think about that way before we lay our heads down to sleep, that checklist is cleared off in our minds. I guess if I were to say we think about anything, it’s things more like the round of golf we played that day. We will replay every single stroke in our heads, trying to figure out how we could have improved our score. Or if we played cards that night with our buddies, we can and will replay every single hand trying to figure out where we went wrong, or what card we SHOULD have played. So I guess it’s a numbers thing with us, not anything we need to accomplish, just numbers.”

I couldn’t believe it was that simple. I lay in bed wondering how I am going to get it all done in the next 24 hours, and with the list I have accrued, I manage to attach about 30 more chores for myself do to. And all they are worried about or get stressed about is how they could have improved on their scores or strokes that day with their buddies.

It is absolutely amazing to me how man and woman can survive together. I always say The Big Guy knew what he was doing when he put us together, but sometimes I wonder if he was having an off day when he came to the Man should Take Woman conclusion.

The other thing that fascinates me, is when my husband and I have a disagreement. Sometimes it takes us both a little while to cool down, but once we do we have always made it a habit to sort of “rehash” our argument, to try and figure out where the major hiccup was in our lack of communication, or misunderstanding to allow the argument to progress to a whole other level. And the realization is astounding to us both.

Typically he said one thing, and I keyed in on something completely different. Or I said something, and he took it that I meant it another way. It is astounding how differently our minds function, process, and hear various things or just basically go through life. As my example of men and women falling asleep differently has proven to be true; so differently that I am not even under the covers before my husband is already in REM sleep.

We are completely different creatures, but regardless of how we maneuver through life, I know my life wouldn’t be complete without my other half.