Mom or Martyr

In the Treehouse: Mom or Martyr

Samantha S. Daviss

As moms and wives, are we really martyrs or do we adhere to our motherly and wifely duties by choice or guilt?

Taking notice not too long ago, maybe with a little envy, that my husband, who is a wonderful father and husband, told me he was running out of the house for an hour to go meet a friend for a drink; this tickled me a little bit.

It tickled me because if I ever even thought of “running” out of the house for an hour, on a whim, would be an act of Congress. I love my life, I love being a mother, and a wife, but all the stars must align before I could “run” anywhere. So why do the men get to do all of the “running”?

So with this thought in my head I mentioned it to my husband a few days later, not out of spite, just a topic of conversation. What instigated it was I had been invited to go to a girlfriends’ house for a vendor show and some “girl time”. I had mentioned it to him a few hours ahead of time, and he told me to go…but then I realized I had homework to complete with my son, dinner to make, baths to fill, and a baby to put to bed. Not that my husband isn’t completely capable of doing all that himself, but it may take a few hours longer.  So with that, I resolved myself to the fact that I wasn’t going to be having “girl time” that evening.

He said “if you had only mentioned your girls’ night a few days ago, it probably could have worked out”. And he is absolutely right, but why? I asked in my head. Why do we have to clear it with the Congressional Party a few days in advance and they (the men) can just bop out of the house whenever they feel like it? Is it because we are martyrs, or we actually know that our households won’t be able to function like the finely tuned greased wheels that they are without us around…or will they just not operate the way we want them to operate?

I think we as women are so set in our ways of doing things, that we aren’t able to accept the fact that life can be done in another fashion, the way our husbands would do it. But on the flip side, even if the house was running smoothly and we could slip out for a few hours with out the house becoming unhinged, why don’t we do it more often? Do we feel guilty, or selfish—is doing something for ourselves such a horrible thing? We need to remember that if we aren’t happy, nobody is happy (at least that’s what I heard somewhere).

So maybe in fact it is a control issue. We get upset with our counterparts, when in fact we need to learn to relinquish some of the responsibilities to our spouse. We need to learn to ask for help. And remember, just because it doesn’t get done “our way” doesn’t mean that it is wrong. We also need to remember, that the men in our lives take time for themselves, to decompress after a long day at work or time at home by maybe playing golf, or a friendly game of poker. So just remember ladies, a little “us” time won’t knock the Earth off its axis.

Smiles in Photographs

In the Tree house: Smiles in photographs

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

I heard the best quote one time from a movie…

“It’s the smiles in the photographs that keep us turning the pages, but everything that happens in between those pictures is life”.

When I heard that, it hit me like a ton of bricks. We all do it, we watch movies, or look at photo albums and remember those moments filled with smiles; or think our lives will be and should be as perfect as they are in the movies. But what we forget is those people aren’t living, they are just acting out a story for us for an hour and a half.

The smiles in the photographs may have been taken immediately after a huge fight you just had with your husband on Thanksgiving Day for his lack of ability to notice that the trash is full. Or that picture of your family in front of the Grand Canyon just after you finished getting on to your two boys for running up to the edge of the canyon at mach 3 and scaring you to death.

So the pictures are always nice to look at and reminisce what you did or where you were to bring you to that point. But remember, it’s the 25 hour car ride with your husband who won’t stop and ask for directions and your two kids in the back seat constantly screaming at each other that is worth living. It may not sound like fun on paper, but if you really sit back and think about the car ride and the memories you are building, those are what stick with you forever.

Not too long ago, we took our kids up to Yellowstone National Park. To be honest I was kind of dreading the trip. It was going to be a long flight with a baby and a bored 8 year old, and then a few more hours in the car. But it turned out to be one of the best vacations I have ever taken, because I got to see the park through my little boys’ eyes.  We saw bears, and elk, and of course the geysers. There was lots of complaining about the sulfur smell, which made me laugh, because I remember going with my parents at around 8 years old and all I did was walk around with a shirt over my nose because of the stink. So needless to say the trip was worth it, and to see the world through my kids’ eyes is priceless.

In fact just the other day, my oldest asked me when we were going back to Yellowstone. So as a parent you know that when they want to go back it was a huge hit. So treasure those moments, treasure all the life experiences that happen in between those photographs. Because the pictures really aren’t us living our lives, they are just moments of us captured in time.

Remember: It’s not how many breaths you take in life, it’s how many situations that take your breath away— is what life is all about.

Life is not perfect, nor would you want it to be, it is all the activities and events filled with frowns, smiles, tears, and giggles that make all the photographs worth keeping. Because you actually know the people in those pictures, and that’s what makes you wanting to keep filling the pages of that photo album.

We all tend to be in such a hurry these days, that we forget to set a little time aside to just crawl into bed with our kiddos and fall asleep with them at night, we are worried about sending that email, or missing our favorite show. But, it’s moments like those that you will never get back, so stop and enjoy the simple things in life; you never know when it could all be over. Because one day that little toothless smile that once filled your photo album will move away and have his own photo album to fill and his ever present smile in your book will become fewer and farther between.

Your Touchstone

In the Tree House: Your Touchstone

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

I realized as I have gotten older, I have become a lot more protective of myself. I don’t want to use the word guarded, but I have had a lot of happenings, experiences and opportunities that have come my way. Some good, some bad, and some, well just indifferent.

But in all my “experiences” I have learned a lot about myself, who I am, and the kind/quality of person I want around me. Now I am not one to place my “measuring stick” in someone else’s face, these are just my standards for those I want around me, need around me, and realize who I want around my family as well.

So therefore, I have figured out who my touchstones are. Now the dictionary defines a touchstone as the following:

touch·stone

noun

1. a test or criterion for the qualities of a thing.

2. a black siliceous stone formerly used to test the purity of gold and silver by the color of the streak produced on it by rubbing it with either metal.

Synonyms
1.  standard, measure, model, pattern.

My definition of a touchstone is not too far off. As I mentioned I do have a figurative measuring stick that I measure people in my life against. And I realize that various people are in your life for various purposes. There is not one person that can satisfy your every need. Even though my husband is ultimately my best friend—he is the one I curl up next to on our bed when I need to cry, or the person that brings me back down to reality when I want to rip someone’s head off, or helps me see a situation from a different view point.

But, then there is my best friend who understands that sometimes in life all you need is a huge glass of wine to make all your worries disappear [or seven and seven in her case], or that chocolate is part of a female’s food pyramid, or that even though I can change my own oil and tires…I really don’t want to.

So you see, people walk into your life for various reasons. Some stay forever, and some come and go while serving their purpose. Just because they go, doesn’t mean you are a bad person or failed at a relationship…it just means that they were your touchstone for a brief period of your life when you needed them.

But to me, my touchstone(s), are the people I can rely on to hold my hand when I need a hand, to pick me up when I have fallen, and to smile with me and for me when I am on top of the world; and that they know I will do the exact same for them.

One of my oldest and dearest friends is definitely one of my most solid touchstones. We met when we were 16 years old; we will be celebrating our 20^th anniversary [of friendship] in June. I can’t believe it. But we couldn’t be more different, yet we were cut from the same cloth. She is from Austria, has a career that travels her all around the United States (and world for that matter), and really has no desires to settle down and raise a family. And myself, I am just the opposite; my career is geared around my three children so I can be home for them, I travel when I am able to [with my family], and I am a Texan born and bred.

But when the two of us are together, or talking on the phone, it is a comedy of errors. We are like one of those jokes… “So this Texan and Austrian walk into a bar…” You get the idea. We are loud, obnoxious [because a loud Austrian accent and a booming Texas drawl are sounds that will resonate in your ears for a very long time], not very graceful, but we always have fun together.

And when it comes to matters of the heart, friendship and being there for one another…we would drop everything to support each other. In fact when I was going through an extremely rough patch in my life, she left her newly pronounced fiancé in New York and flew down to Corsicana, Texas to hold my hand.

Now in my book, that just raised the bar to the ultimate of touchstones. But like I say, I have a lot of touchstones in my life, this is just one friendship that has grow up, grown older, grown wiser, and grown better with age.

So it’s okay to have a lot of friends in your life, I love all of my friends, but there are a few in there that really raise the bar and make you understand and appreciate what your meaning of a touchstone is, and what everyone else has to live up to.

You Think You've Got it Bad

In the Tree house: You Think You’ve got it Bad

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

You know it’s funny that old saying, that things in life are all relative to the person going through the event or situation.  And it is so true; there are some things in life that affect each of us in different ways. But I have to tell you, there are some things that seem so small and trivial to some, but may be of an unremitting magnitude to someone else.

But sometimes you really do need to step back, or have an out of body experience, and really evaluate what is upsetting you or bothering you at that very moment. I know when I feel blue, or get down in the mouth about something, I really have to pick myself up by the boot straps and reevaluate what is important.

I don’t know if you know who J.R. Martinez is, but he is absolutely amazing. At 19 years old he went off to war, full of pride, gusto, and a heart of steel. And one faithful day, his Hum-V was blown up, burning over 80% of his body. You probably recognize his name as one of the finalists on ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, last season. He is the most inspirational person I have ever seen.

For having gone through such a tragedy, the man returned from war completely disfigured, and decided he would make the best of a horrible, horrible situation. And he did just that. He is now a motivational speaker, and probably the most positive, happy human being I have ever seen. I watched him on DWTS (Dancing with the Stars); and not only was he a talented dancer, but just a kind human being all the way through to his core. The type of person I can only hope one day to aspire to emulate. He was friendly to all, always smiled, and cheered on his competitors with such compassion; you could tell that his every move and action was genuinely sincere.

If there is nothing else in the world, I hope that one day everyone can be as kind and sincere as J.R. Martinez. To share the world and this little place we call earth with a few more smiles and a lot less anger and malice.

So when you are feeling down, or your feelings are hurt, or you don’t feel well and you just want that stomach bug to go away so you can get back to normal, think about some of the pain and anguish that J.R. must have gone through to gain “normalcy” back in his life.

And as far as things getting back to normal, what if you had something so tragic in your life happen that you will never be back to “normal”, so to speak, but you won’t go down without a fight? That is the inspiration and footprint that Gabrielle “Gabby” Gifford has left on my heart. With the tragedy that she endured, and the fact that she is even alive, let alone able to sit upright, speak, write and progressively gaining full function of all motor skills, is a miracle in itself.

A few months ago, I watched an interview with her and her husband, and even though at that point her thoughts and vocabulary were extremely limited, just the smile on her sweet face, the love and commitment her husband had for her, and her will to fight and bring normalcy back into her life was a true turning point in my life.

As I have said before, I am only human, I am not numb to the outside world; there are goings on that occur that hurt my feelings, or things happen that may not go exactly as I planned, but when I find myself getting too wrapped up in the petty stuff of daily life, I make myself step back and look at the big picture…

I am happy, healthy, have beautiful children to raise, a loving husband, great friends, and a wonderful family. I haven’t had to fight in a war where I came back with over 80% of my body burned, my freedom is a gift that I never take for granted that those souls hand to me on a silver platter, and I thank them every single day; and I have never been giving a speech, where I was shot in the head and wasn’t sure I was going to survive; and now fighting to bring my life back to some semblance of what it used to be.

For the most part I lead a fairly simple life, my contribution to the world is diminutive, but I love every minute of it, and I try to not allow myself to get too tangled up in or upset by “sweating the small stuff”.

Work Ethic

In the Tree House: Work Ethic

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

Well the time has come as a mother that I must start instilling a genuine hard-working attitude into my oldest son. This has been one of my more difficult challenges to date as a mom. I realize some people have a stronger work ethic than others, and that doesn’t make them better people, it just makes them more of a “Type A” personality.

I guess I am one of those people. I love to stay busy with work, my boys, the house, everything. In fact at pretty much any given time, you can bet that I have at least two if not three jobs going. And right now I am working three jobs. I have my main job, and then two others that I am juggling. I don’t know why?

My parents did a great job instilling the value of a dollar into my head as a youngster, but even if they hadn’t I think I still would have turned out this way. My brother, who was raised the same way in the same environment as me, didn’t have this work ethic, at least as a teenager. He got better as he got older.

But there is just something about wanting to work and earn my own pay check and contribute to my family that I love. And it is a blessed thing that my generation has been given this opportunity to make the choice to stay home with the kids, or to work.

I was a stay at home mom in my late twenties after I had my first son, and I loved it. It was the best, hardest, and most rewarding job I ever had. But then after my divorce, I had to go back to work. And to be honest with you, I had forgotten how much I loved to work (outside the home). But even when I was a stay at home mom, I still conjured up some jobs to do from the house. I wrote resumes for people, I wrote a book, I even tried my hand at making tile-topped tables (which all ended up in my backyard).

So at some point in my life I have always been working. I always felt bad saying that I liked to work when I was a stay at home mom. I used to always call it using the “adult side” of my brain. I don’t know why I felt guilty for enjoying work. I never neglected my kids, and to this day I still don’t. They will always come first in my life. Work, projects, everything will be put on hold for my babies.

I am fortunate enough to have a career that molds around them though. They are my life and I want them to always understand and know that they will always come first. I will never miss an awards day, or picking them up from school if they are sick, or a field day at school.

But with this side of my personality, I am diligently working on my oldest (and soon my other two) to understand that there are no hand outs in life. Be proud of who you are and where you come from and show your dedication through your work.

I always felt that my generation was given an opportunity to go to college and be respected and treated as an equal to most men, so why not take advantage of this? I worked hard for my degree and I deserve a chance to utilize it. And that is all I want to instill into my kids, is to be proud, work hard, and understand that money definitely does not grow on trees. And one day they will be out on their own without mom and dad there to hold their hands.

Show the world what you are made of and be proud you have the means to work, and work hard.

Why the Rush?

In the Tree House: Why the Rush? 

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

Sometimes I feel like that 83 year-old-man who likes to get up at 5:30 in the morning and head downtown to his favorite coffee shop and talk with the waitress that he has talked to for the past 15 years. They talk about the weather, and the patrons as they pass through the front door, and the "young whipper snappers" that are always in such a hurry these days. And by "young whipper snapper" that age range includes anyone from the age of 65 and younger.

But sadly, that is how I feel sometimes. I feel like the whole world is in such a major rush, and even though I am only 30-something (this will never be revealed), I feel like the world is in such a rush around me. I will admit, I'm not completely innocent. I am a mother of two, a wife, a working woman, and a basket case sometimes. And I do admit that I am in a rush at times, but I just feel like the whole world is in a rush...ALL OF THE TIME. In such a rush that we all miss what is really going on around us. Do we really notice the deer grazing on the side of the highway as we zip to our destination at 75 MPH? Do we lay in the grass with our kids any more and make up shapes out of the clouds floating above?

And to be honest there is no one to blame but ourselves. We have allowed technology to inundate our private and personal lives, to go beyond the walls of our business and professional lives, and take over every aspect of our lives. We now officially live in a world that we no longer communicate with one another by the spoken word, we communicate through typing, texting and social networks on the internet. In fact it has gotten so bad that when we do pick up the phone to talk to someone, we hope that it goes straight to their voice mail, so we don't have to waste time having a full blown conversation. You know I'm right, you know you're guilty of getting a big grin across your face when that fourth ring comes and you know the next one is going to voice mail.

I'll tell you how I got on this tangent. I was driving on I-45 the other day, after Christmas. Surprisingly the traffic wasn't too bad, it was steady but not horrible. But I watched everyone as they zipped by me. I felt like and ant at a picnic about to be squished (and I drive a big vehicle). I stayed back out of the crowded spots and watch the cars whip in and out like the Blue Angels flying in formation in the sky over a crowded audience at an air show. I was amazed what a rush we are all truly in every single day of our lives. As I watched them zip in and out of each other, I spotted a red fox running down the side of the highway, and I wondered how many of those people I was driving  along side actually saw this amazing creature.

Then of course as I kept driving, I was in total silence, and I didn't realize it. I had turned the radio off, I wasn't talking on my phone, and I was alone in the car. And it was wonderful. I was able to think about life and our world today. I know that sounds a little "too deep" for a car ride down I-45, but my husband always tells me my trian of thought is an enigma to him. I can hear a name or a sound and somehow I am able to turn it into my thoughts on a cure for cancer. I don't know if he is more astonished with the fact that I actually think I can cure cancer, or the fact that I did it in a matter of 30 seconds.

Ok, so I digress, but my point is, I was able to think about the world we live in today, and how dependent was have become on our computers, our phones, and all of our gadgets that keep our lives "running". In fact in my circle of friends, I am the "odd man out"...due to the fact that I think I am the only living Generation X-er that is not on Facebook, yes folks you heard correctly, I am not on Facebook. I think I attribute a lot of my stubbornness (in not joining the social networking lifestyle) and wishful thinking that the world will slow down one day due to the time I was able to study abroad in Italy while I was in college.

The Italians have it all figured out, they know how to slow down and have their Siestas everyday from 2-4pm, and close up their businesses and have a cappuccino or glass of wine with their friends and family. They get to work around nine, have lunch, work another hour, take their Siesta, then decide, to close up shop for the day...it is fantastic. They are the most relaxed and happy culture I have ever had the pleasure of being around.

Don't misunderstand me, we wouldn't be where we are today without all of these wonderful gadgets, but it wasn't too long ago that we were able to survive without the texting, the roaring down the highway and the chatter on Facebook.

So it is my challenge that we all try to take a day in 2011 to live without or phones, computers and social networking. I know, after this article I need to guard my doors, but I promise, once you give up the dependency, it is almost like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.

Who we were and who we’ve become

In the Tree house: Who we were and who we’ve become  

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

It’s funny as parents, to look back on our youth and remember thinking that there would never have been a time in our adolescence that another human being would have controlled our lives in such a manner that we redesign our lives, our homes, even our vehicles around them…but the fact of the matter is…we as parents do just that. Our entire lives revolve around our kids.

What made me think of this was the fact that I was talking to a girlfriend on the phone and she told me they were breaking ground on their new home. I was thrilled for them, and then she went on to tell me that they are designing their son’s room with all of his buddies in mind. And that made me laugh. She said they were buying bunk beds, and all sorts of things. I think it is great, but isn’t it amazing how one little person can completely control our every move?

Take me for example; I recently got the “car of my dreams”. Sounds kind of funny huh? A mom having the car of her dreams. Usually when you hear that you think Ferrari or Lamborghini, but not this mom…I got a fully loaded SUV. Heck yea! I rule the roadways now. It’s like a little moving city, I love it. I love looking in my backseat and seeing my kiddos all comfy and safe in this monstrosity of a vehicle. And who would have thought, that as a teenager running around in my Mustang that my dream car would have been an SUV? In fact, as a teenager, who would have thought that any of us would have conformed our lives around these little people that we would lay our lives down for?

I think of life like a great big circle (well, hence the coined term “Circle of Life”). As babies we need all the attention, as adolescence we crave all the attention, and in our 20’s we ARE all the attention. Then as we start to grow up a bit, in our 30’s our attention starts to veer away towards our spouses and possibly kids; our 40’s are all about the kids and their school lessons and sporting events; then our 50’s all the attention is focused on getting those little rug rats out of the house and on their own; and our 60’s come back to the attention being about us again, possibly enjoying retirement and travel. And if you are lucky, your 70’s are about craving the attention again from the grandkids, and if you are lucky enough to experience your 80’s, they are about needing the attention again as our bodies begin to give out on us from time to time.

But as I mentioned when we are in our youth, our prime, we would never even fathom another human being controlling our lives. Determining which car we will drive, which house we will buy, which career we will choose—all without saying a word to us. Because as parents that’s what we do, our entire world becomes our children. We redirect our goals and our dreams in order for theirs to come to fruition, and in so doing we don’t even lose a wink of sleep over it, because we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Our children are our lives. And you know what, you know you made all the right decisions and choices for them when your grandchildren turn out to be good people, because that means you did something right along the way. And all of those wonderful “sacrifices” you made were worth ever effort.

So remember, the next time your “dream car” turns out to be an SUV, just remember you can look “cool” in that too; and the next time you aren’t living in that high rise condominium in the heart of the metroplex, just open your backdoor to your huge yard and listen to all the laughter and squealing of the kids running around on the green grass.

Whewww

In the Tree House: Whewww

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Well it’s all over!! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season starting with Thanksgiving all the way through the New Year.

My husband and I were sitting around laughing yesterday and just how “pooped” we are. We feel extremely blessed to have had such fun-filled holidays with friends and family, so don’t think we are ungrateful or taking anything for granted…but we are pooped!

We have always been fairly low key folks by the time New Year’s Eve rolls around, we love to be with our friends and celebrate, but we have never been the types to want to go out to the crowded parties, or big hotel parties in Dallas to ring in the new year, we are much more laid back than that.

But we think we figured out why we are so low key, aside from the obvious that we aren’t getting any younger and we have three kids we are chasing after all the time. But by the time New Year’s Eve arrives, we are so ready to climb into a cave and just hibernate like the bears do during winter. Whewwww, we “gotta” say we are so glad it’s over. We are definitely ready  for some normalcy back in our lives, if you can call it that.

We have enjoyed every minute of every second of the holidays, but “life as it were” is pretty darn good too. Luckily no weight was gained over the holidays, but sadly none was lost…so of course the obligatory New Year’s resolution will commence starting today. The black eyed peas have been eaten, the last drop of champagne drunk, and now it’s off to healthy eating and some form of exercise daily (fingers crossed).

I’ve decided to look at eating and exercise differently, rather than as an external component of needing to be thin or look good, but rather to make sure my insides are healthy so I can be stronger longer for my boys and their kids one day. I’m trying to take the vanity out of it all…and I think that has really helped me to press on to get fit and stay fit; from the inside looking out.

I’ve never been a huge resolution maker, because let’s face it…within the first 48 hours they are completely forgotten and ignored, so I try to just take the year and make a better me! Amp up the exercise, and stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t let the trivial things in life bother me so much. There will always be something or someone out there that bothers you, or you bother them…and that’s okay, because if we all got along and were all exactly alike, the world would be pretty darn boring, right?

So I’ve learned to cherish what I have and try to improve on what is right in front of me. For example, friendships…I honor and cherish those friends that I have had my entire life, and love that they knew me, (and knew way too much about me) before the Face Book era. And then there are those friendships that are developed or developing that I treasure as well. Because as we grow, new aspects to our lives develop within ourselves and our personalities allowing new people in to fill holes that we didn’t even know existed in our lives.

But my final gift or promise to myself over the next year and years to come is to give myself a little more “me” time. Take the time to sit and read my book, or go on that walk, or make it to my hairstylist more than twice a year. I’ve always felt guilty about taking “me” time, which meant I was taking time and attention away from my boys; but I read something recently that said to stay fully charged and fully focused as a mom, you have to almost force yourself to take some personal time, because if you don’t you are burning your candle at both ends and not being near as effective as a mother as you could be. So don’t think of it as a guilty pleasure, but more of a time to recharge those batteries.

And my final gift to myself is to actively pursue and fulfill a life long dream of mine. Can’t say what it is (I’m big on superstition, don’t want to jinx it)…but this year is the year for it to happen, I can feel it. So pick a goal out that you have always wanted to achieve and do it…no more excuses!!

Where were You?

In the Tree House: Where were you?...

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

As I was emailing my column over for this week, I always put in the subject line what issue date it is for, and as I turned and looked at my calendar and typed in the words “September 11^th” I knew I had to save that originally written column for another date.

I can’t believe that it has been 10 years since that fateful day. I always remember my parents talking about where they were when JFK was shot, or where they were when Martin Luther King was shot. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be one of those people, or at least I hoped I wouldn’t have been, one of those people that had a story to tell my children… “I remember exactly where I was on September 11, 2001”.

I was living in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I had just gotten home from a wonderful morning walk in the cool September weather, when I got a phone call from my mom wondering if my brother was OK. I had no idea what she was talking about, and she told me to turn on the news. (My brother was working for the government at that time, so we were fearful for his safety.)

Once I realized what was going on, I was frozen. I sat on the corner of my bed, motionless watching the television in awe. I will never forget, I was watching Diane Sawyer and Charles Gibson on Good Morning America, and they were talking about a plane that had crashed into the first World Trade Center Tower. And during their broadcast, the second plane hit, I could see it happen over their left shoulders.

For a moment I was totally confused. I thought they were just replaying the recording of the first tower being hit, when it dawned on me that it was a second plane hitting the second tower. I was stunned; the realization of what was actually happening didn’t quite resonate with me for the longest time. You know how people talk about out-of-body experiences; well I think I had one of those that day. I couldn’t believe that it was happening…I couldn’t believe that it was happening on American soil…and I couldn’t believe that someone of such a warped mastermind was able to come up with such a God awful plan.

Who were these people? What was happening? All four planes went down within such a short period of time of one another that I couldn’t keep it all straight in my mind. I couldn’t believe that such a catastrophic event was happening to us. I realized its magnitude when my friend from Austria called me to check on me and to give her blessing to America and Americans alike. Right then and there is when it hit me, we were under attack, and the entire world knows it.

I know that sounds kind of odd that it took me so long to realize the magnitude of 9/11, but as I said I was in such shock… just an innocent 20-something year old woman sitting on the edge of her bed one Tuesday morning after taking her morning walk as she always did; only to come home and find out her country was under attack.

So when my kids ask me where I was on September 11, I know exactly where I was; but still to this day the clarity of it all is still a little hazy, I can’t believe that something like this happened during my lifetime.

So every time you see the “new” skyline of New York, or complain about the TSA lines, or the security at national monuments. Just remember those 3,500+ people that lost their lives that cool September morning, and remember all the babies that never met or don’t remember their fallen parents from that dreadful day. We are all in this together, so take a little time to yourself today and remember those lost lives of 9/11/01 and thank our troops for all they have done over the past decade to keep us out of harm’s way.

God Bless America!!

When in Rome

In the Tree House: When In Roam (#13)

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

If you have the travel bug and you like to visit new and exciting places; or you only have one trip in your life to take…then may I suggest Italy?

Those Italians they have it figured out. They stop working in the middle of the day to take what they call a Siesta, which is just another excuse for them to close their place of business, and go join their friends for a cup of café or a beer. It is wonderful. The entire country shuts down from 2-4 pm. So your expectations aren’t very high, because you know nothing will be open.

They know how to live life. Their primary focus is not on working or earning money it is about enjoying time with those they love, their culture, and spending time alone. They know they have a beautiful country with an abundance of history to enjoy, and they take advantage of that.

Don’t get me wrong, they too have joined the rat race of cell phones and technology, but it is not their life, not like it is here in America. When they are with friends and family, they are really there with them. They aren’t texting someone else that is not there, or speaking on the phone over the conversation at the table that is currently going on.

So having been blessed with the opportunity to visit Italy, I say “When in Rome, do as the Romans.” Don’t get me wrong, I am more proud to be an American than anything. I know there are people all over the world who are literally dying to become a citizen of this country. But I am not talking in political terms; I am talking in cultural terms. Sometimes I forget or get wrapped up in life, but I always try to remember to keep things simple.  For example when I am out with all of our friends for dinner, for some reason I always take the time to sit back and just watch the goings on for a moment. Because I feel so blessed that we are all there, sitting and enjoying each other’s company, and not texting or Facebooking. We are there in the moment.

The Italians get it. They understand what life is all about. I don’t think Americans understand what life is all about, or should be about. We are all in such a rush all of the time. We get two to three weeks vacation a year, the Italians; they get a month to two months vacation a year. I just feel sorry for us sometimes. I sit and I watch us all as we run around from our jobs, to home, to activities.

The times I treasure the most are in the fall and the spring, when my kids and I and my husband all go outside and sit in the front yard and enjoy each other’s company while the kids play or run around.

That is what life is all about. It is not about Facebook, and who is doing what, or texting and missing what is going on right in front of your face. Life is about you and your loved ones and what is going on right now at this moment.

If I am teaching my kids anything, I hope it is how to enjoy life. I want them to realize that there is more out there than their everyday routine, and that they should enjoy each other, their friends, and their family. Because one day, it could all be gone.

And that is why I love the Italians so much, they are loving, friendly, and all in all they are happy people. Because they have it figured out. They understand that life isn’t what you have but who you have.

When do We Really Know Ourselves?

In the Tree House: When Do We Really Know Ourselves?  

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

At some point in our lives we all travel down the path of discovery. Some of us take this journey when we are 20 and some of us take the journey when we are 60; and then some of us are too afraid to really get to know the person inside ourselves, and our journey of self reflection and discovery is never taken.

I know some people feel you need to be a little more “advanced in years” to have achieved your self discovery. But I disagree. Sometimes it can be an adventure you have taken, or a land that you have visited that allowed you to take the time to find your inner self or your inner peace for that matter.

When I say you have “discovered yourself” I simply mean… what kind of person you want to be, and regardless of your upbringing, being able to stand on your own two feet and decide the path you want to take, not the path you think others feel you should take. You are confident in yourself and the decisions you make without the manipulation of friends, parents, teachers, spouse or anyone else of influence in your life.

I also feel that your self discovery can come from an event that occurred in your life or even a job or activity that you took part in; any of these milestones can help you find the person you are. For example, if you decided to go on a mission trip at the age of 22, and you found yourself through aiding others, and you were allowed enough “quiet time” to really reflect on who you are; I don’t feel like you need to have aged or be more mature in years to know who you are.

Now to me there is a difference in knowing what you want to do and what you want out of life, and knowing who you are. And with that said I am talking about knowing who you are, being comfortable in your own skin. Really knowing what you believe in.

Are you the kind of person who can recognize your own flaws, and try to fix them? Are you the kind of person who can stand up for your own beliefs without the influence of others? Are you able to know right from wrong? Are you able to realize that the path you are taking may influence the rest of the people in your life, whether the outcome maybe good or bad? And most importantly, are you able to realize that you are not perfect? That every action you take has an equal and opposite reaction to those around you?

That is what self discovery is…in my mind. My discovery came when I was at the ripe old age of 30. I had gone through several life-changes experiences all within about a 4 month period, and right then and there I realized the person I was. I had always been pretty comfortable in my own skin, with the slight knowledge of who I am, but these experiences put me over the top. I don’t know if they made me grow up faster, or really forced me to take the time to reflect on who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. But these experiences gave me strength, a backbone if you will; something I hadn’t had in years.

I realized that not everyone in the world likes me, and that’s OK. I also discovered that I don’t like everyone in the world, and that’s OK too. It’s OK to say “No” to people, in a kind gentle manner; but the most important thing I learned was I didn’t have to apologize for everything.

I always felt that I had to make everything perfect for everyone in my life, and as we all know that is physically and emotionally an unrealistic goal. So the first thing I did, upon my discovery, was to stop apologizing for everything that happened in my life and those around me and just let life run its course.

Life is a rollercoaster, there are going to be lots of ups and downs and you just have to accept it for what it is, and not make excuses or justify your every action. When you have that figured out, and you are able to springboard off your past, and not let it dictate your future, then to me, you have discovered yourself.

What do YOU want to Give?

In the Tree House: What do you want to give?

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

Well since today is Christmas Day, I thought it very apropos to write about this wonderful season of giving and the true meaning of Christmas.

I read the most wonderful quote the other day in regards to teaching your children the correct thing to do; in addition, it’s not a bad reminder for us “old folks” either…

      First: Ask your children “What do you want to give others for Christmas?”

      Second: Then ask them “What would you like for Christmas?”

“The first fosters generosity of heart and outward focus, and the second can breed selfishness if not tempered by the first.” –author unknown

I thought this was wonderful. Because unfortunately with all of the hustle and bustle of the holidays, regardless of your religious beliefs, we seem to lose sight for the reason of the season, especially the youngsters. I seem to hear more “Oh and Mom, can I add this to my Santa list?” Or “Since I asked Santa for this…I want to ask you to get me this.”

I just think it is so very important that we all remember what we are celebrating. On Christmas Day we are celebrating our Lord and Savior’s birth; or you may be celebrating the eight days of Hanukkah. Regardless of your beliefs, we all need to focus outwardly, not focus on our inner desires and wants.

Now, trust me, I understand that is hard for a little person to understand. But if we allow them to be a part of community service, or even help with the purchasing of gifts for others, they will feel a sense of fulfillment and honor when handing out gifts to others.

In fact in our household it is a tradition that we have our kiddo play “Santa” in regards to handing out all the presents to his other siblings, parents and grandparents. That way he understands that it is not just all about ripping open packages to see if the next is better than the previous.

I also encourage him to purchase a gift for his little brothers and for his dad. And as the little ones get older I will expect the same for them. And I always notice there is a sense of pride and excitement when he picks the gift out, wraps them, and presents them to his family.

We also try to find a tree filled with tags on it, to give to a deserving family that is in need of toys or clothes for their children. My life lesson to all my children is to appreciate what you have each and every day, because one day it could be taken from you in the blink of an eye. And we need to remember what the holidays are all about, and it’s not presents and toys from Santa, it is about the birth of Jesus and spending time with friends and family.

All I wish this season is the very best and brightest for you and yours. May your stockings be filled with love and joy and your trees (or menorah) surrounded with smiles, laughter, and family.

Lockdown

In the Tree House: Under Lockdown

By: Samantha S. Daviss

I’m not sure who lost their mind more in the 96 hours of quarantined lockdown that my 19 month old and I endured together this last weekend.

I knew he was feeling bad early last week, because he was a little cranky and wasn’t sleeping well through the night, and towards the end of the week his fever starting to spike. Come to find out, he not only had the flu, but to top things off he had strep throat. So luckily my parents were available to take the two older boys in order to prevent this mess from spreading.

Needless to say from Thursday to Sunday, was an adventure. The first two days were tough because the baby was still feeling puny. So we stuck to fluids, meds, and lots of naps. Then by the third day, the fever finally broke, and we were so bored that we just went for a drive in the truck with all the dogs and to get Mommy a cup of coffee. Mainly just so the two of us could see the light of day.

By the end of the third day, we were both turning circles around each other with absolute boredom. It was actually kind of funny. We took lots of baths, lots of showers, and played in the backyard some, but no too much because the temperatures outside were dropping.

We worked on new words, we did puzzles together, and we played all sorts of games. I have to admit, even though it was under “yucky” circumstances, it was kind of fun to have some alone bonding time together, seeing how he is the caboose (#3) of our brood and has really never had one-on-one Mommy time. So we did take advantage of that. But with my husband having been out of town…the baby garble was starting to get to me and the lack of getting to play with his brothers was starting to get to him.

By day four (Sunday), I think we both had officially lost our minds. He was so bored and feeling such cabin fever, that he actually ran up to the glass door of our front door and started beating on it like he was some sort of caged animal. I couldn’t help but laugh, because I was feeling the same way.

There are only so many ways you can fly toy airplanes, so many naps you can take, so many loads of laundry you can do before you start to lose your mind. But we wanted to be safe, lay low and get well, and definitely not infect any one else.

So needless to say, by Sunday, the fever had been gone for over 24 hours, and our big outing (at least 5 times) that day was to walk to the end of our sidewalk and back, considering the temperatures outside were now in the low 40s.

We were down to the final hours of my husband coming home and his brothers returning to the house. I have never used so many Clorox wipes or so many cans of Lysol in my life, but our house was completely disinfected from top to bottom. We decided to take one more bath, then eat, and in the mean time of waiting for everyone to return home…he and I decided it was time to “rock” out to some 80s music together. And I have to say, this little guy loves to dance so when the 80s started blaring on our stereo, his little feet started moving…and we were startled by the surprise of our “Daddy” sneaking in the back door, just standing there watching us dance.

Even though he and I were starting to lose our minds, there was one point during all of this that I realized this was a once in a life time opportunity for he and I to bond and have some alone time; but I also realized just how much I missed all the noise and chaos of our home. The first day was nice, second day was okay, then the last two days it was just down right weird with everyone gone.

So even though you may get tired and burned out…just remember that all the chaos and noise in your life can be taken away in a heartbeat so always tell those you love just how you feel. Luckily mine was just a temporary silence, but sometimes that silence is permanent and can be absolutely deafening.

The HArdest Part of Parenting...is being a Parent

In the Tree House: The hardest part about being a parent is…Parenting

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

Just the other day my oldest and I were sitting on the floor laughing and playing together, and he looked over and me and said “Mom, when I am a parent, I am never going to get mad at my kids”. And I responded with “Well sweetie, I said the very same thing when I was younger…but you know why Daddy and I get on to you guys sometimes? It’s because we want the three of you to grow up and be kind and responsible men. And we are responsible for teaching you right from wrong, so unfortunately, you will have to be more than just a friend to your kids, you will have to be their “mean ol’ parents too”.”  He just smiled, giggled and we went back to playing.

But that made me realize, that the toughest part of being a parent, is the parenting part. I always feel like good cop, bad cop. Praising them, telling them how great or funny they are; and then I turn on a dime, like I am some sort of demon possessed with all of these rules and regulations and expectations. However, like I have always preached to my kids, if you do it the first time I say or ask, then the demon will stay at bay.

When we are young, we dream of having a family and running, laughing, and playing with our kids; but the part our dreams don’t portray (or the skewed perception that movies and TV offer us) is that there is no fighting or disciplining; it all manages to work itself out without any fights, and everyone ends up sitting around the breakfast table eating cookies and milk, smiling at one another. Well we all, as parents, know that is the furthest from the truth.

The reality of parenting is brutal and exhausting, but the smiles, hugs and laughter make it all worthwhile. For example last night, our middle one was splashing and playing in the bathtub, having the best time; and I stood there videotaping him, laughing and giggling right along side him; when the “parent” side of me suddenly kicked in, realizing I had to stop him because there was about a foot of water on my bathroom floor, the walls were soaked and there weren’t enough towels in Texas to soak up his mess. Even though it was the funniest and cutest thing I had ever seen, and he was just having a ball; the results were ruthless.

So there in lies my problem, parent or friend? I figure you can be both, but there is an extremely fine line. Be there to listen and help through problems or concerns of growing adolescents as their friend, but there are still needs for structure, boundaries, rules and expectations. So if you tell them “No” or that they have to stop, they will only be hurt (and possible “hate” you) for a moment. It will pass. There is this little bond between parents and children called unconditional love…and it really is a thing. No matter what you all do and say to each other, that bond formed from birth (on both sides of the fence) is an everlasting and truthful bond that will (hopefully) never be broken.

You just have to keep reminding yourself, those little people you created will always be your best friends; but your priority in life is to make them the best people they can possibly be, to themselves and to those around them.

Time in the Blind

In the Tree House: Time in the Blind

By: Samantha S. Daviss

In today’s day and age we are all moving at such a phenomenal rate, it’s hard just to keep up with ourselves, let alone our kids and still carve out “quality family time”. But I tell you what; complete isolation is the best remedy for that problem.

We recently snuck away for a weekend to our deer lease to enjoy a little Texas Hunting Season, you know the 5^th season in Texas…because here we have winter, spring, summer and fall, and of course Hunting/Football season…so that makes five seasons. And it is always such a great opportunity for us to get away from cell phones, internet, and television, and solely focus on each other, being outside, and having fun.

As we spent the weekend together, I forgot how much I enjoyed the “olden days”, you know about two decades or so ago when cell phones and the internet were obsolete? But thanks to Al Gore (who apparently invented the internet) we have been bombarded, and our brains and bodies are working in overload mode. I really do think we get overloaded with all the new technologies and information being thrown at us from numerous technological portals.

So that is why I always love escaping to the unknown, land of no cell service or internet, on our lease. To not only give me time to focus 100% of my attention on my kids and family, but also on myself. I love nothing more than to sit in the silence of the deer blind and watch the sun rise or set, depending on the hunt time, and enjoying the sounds of absolutely nothing.

I think we all forget what silence really sounds like…the old saying “Silence is Golden”, really has true meaning behind it. We all forget how to just sit in silence and be okay with ourselves without a bunch of people around, and just be alone with our thoughts. And I fear that sometimes that is why we all stay so busy, is to avoid those silent moments in our lives, alone with our selves and our thoughts. But personally, I have found it to be very healing and healthy.

But the flip side of being out on the lease alone, really gives you time to not only reconnect with yourself, but your kids too. I was lucky enough to sit in the blind with my 10 year old one afternoon hunt, and it was a time I will cherish forever. Without any distractions, no TV, no iPods, no cell phones, no iPads, no Xbox…you get the idea. It was just he and I sitting in the blind together, talking.

We talked about school, things that may have been bothering him in life, at home, or at school. We laughed a lot, and we talked a lot. It was my opportunity to stay connected to my son. He and I have a fantastic relationship, we tell each other everything; and this time alone together just reinforced that bond.

He and I also had a lot of fun together too. At one point we got so bored waiting for the feeder to go off, and the deer to come wandering in; that we found a pen in my hunting bag, and we started drawing on each other’s faces. I made a mustache on him, and he gave me a goat T on my chin; then we proceeded to each give one another “earrings”.

So there was maybe a little less hunting going on and a little more laughter and fun. But I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

There always seems to be time for sports, activities, friends, parties, school work, and all the other stuff that goes on in life, but there never seems to be enough time to just sit together, hang out and talk as a family. So that is my 2013 resolution, is to definitely carve out some “isolation time” for myself and my family, without the interruption of phones and all the other gadgets that we have in our lives.

I realize that not everyone is a hunter, or even a fan of hunting…but if you can afford the luxury of some isolated alone time with yourself and your family, I highly recommend it; even if it’s just in your own backyard.

This Seat is Taken

In the Tree House: This Seat is Taken

By: Samantha S. Daviss

I’ve noticed a major change in human nature as of recent. I don’t mean yesterday, I mean over the last 3 or 4 decades. People need, nay want, “their space”. Now Europeans aren’t quite as closed off as Americans, but I am not saying it is just Americans, but it seems to be a little more prevalent here than most places.

And I, again, am tending to blame it on technology. I feel technology has digressingly affected our social skills, almost to the point that they don’t exist any longer. We are so wrapped up in our phones and computers, that we have forgotten how to touch, feel, and personally interact with human beings on a “three dimensional” level.

This recently happened to my mother in a movie theater. And as she pointed out, she is a relatively nice smelling lady, not scary looking, and has really impeccable hygiene, so I am not sure that was the issue. But she and my dad went to a movie together, and it was opening day for this particular movie, so as you can suspect the theater was fairly crowded.

So as we are all aware, people skip seats between their movie-going neighbors, as if they have some sort of disease. And it is never two seats or four seats so couples can sit next to each other, it is always odd numbers like one seat or three seats. But in this particular instance, as I mentioned the theater was crowded, so my mom sat down next to what seemed to be a nice looking young man there with his two friends. And the minute she sat down he “huffed” and scooted forward in his chair and turned his back towards her. Now she wasn’t bothering him, talking to him or ogling over him; THEN… suddenly he got up and moved down to the end of the row two people away.

Now was that really necessary? Do people really need that much personal space? Because if they do, then don’t go to a movie theater where there will be other people. I just feel that we as a society have lost touch with other humans. We don’t know how to interact or enjoy the company of others around them.

For example, if that young man was placed on an airplane next to a stranger, he can’t go anywhere…so here is what I do when I am next to a stranger; I say hello, and start up a very casual conversation. Especially on an airplane…why not? You’re going to be sitting next to them for the next few hours, so why not be friendly and get to know them?

People, or strangers, really aren’t that scary; in fact to me, the human race and various people fascinate me. My best friend always teases me and tells me that I could become friends with a brick wall. In fact this weekend we were talking about our personalities, and she told me that to some people I may come across a little strong, but in a good way. I am the type to start talking to you and become hard-fast friends ; where it would take a normal person a few months to get to know someone on that same level, as I just did in a few hours. She was also joking with me saying that I tell everybody about myself, whether they care or not. But that’s just me, there are no heirs about me, I am who I am…and I just love to talk and get to know different folks that make up this wonderful world.

I understand we all need our own space, and time and “elbow room”; but there is absolutely no need to be blatantly rude about it. And if you have such fear of being near other people, then don’t put yourself in a situation that involves strangers being around you, like a movie theater, amusement park, or a park bench for that matter.

The Past is the Past

In the Tree House: The Past is the Past (#26)

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

Sometimes there are occurrences in life that make us so angry that we are unable to release those feelings of anger, betrayal, or just plan hatred. But did you know that too much harbored anger can cause mental, physical and emotional damage to your body?

It’s true, the physical evidence lies within high blood pressure and we all know what that will lead to. Also, on the physical side, if you harbor too much anger it starts to show in your physical make up. Your hair may turn gray faster, your skin will age sooner, and honestly your body language says it all. The way you carry yourself, your posture, and just overall mannerisms is a tell tale sign that you are a miserable person.

The mental aspect affects you in a way that you may not realize. It makes you a mean angry person, and you then lose the ability to find the good in life, people and the world for that matter. You see the world as a glass half empty, rather than a glass half full kind of person. Everything people do in your eyes is, ridiculous or ludicrous.

And that old saying, it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Well it is true. It takes 37 muscles in your face to frown and 22 muscles to smile. So smile. You’ll conserve energy.

Also, what’s the point of being angry for so long? If you have something to say to someone, then say it. Get it off your chest. Or if you have chosen to write them out of your life completely, then let it go. Don’t come back and haunt those five years down the line with some mean and deceitful trick or mind game. If you are done with them, then be done with them.

As the old saying goes, “You’ve made your bed, now you must lie in it”. And that is so true. If you have decided to wash your hands of a person that was once a big part of your life, then you must release them and release yourself of them.

I recently had an incident in which a family member, that I was once close to but haven’t had much to do with in the past few years, decided to contact another member of my family through an outside source.

At first I was a little dumbfounded, because this person made the conscientious effort to remove themselves completely from my life, and now they have made contact with a part of my life, so-to-speak, to play mind games. I just don’t understand people’s maliciousness sometimes. If you are angry and harbor those feelings then that is for you to handle and deal with, you don’t have to come back and “haunt” the person that you have removed from your life.

Let’s move on. And as Ellen DeGeneres always says “Be kind to one another”. That is what makes our world go round, the love, support, and admiration we hold for one another, because without that the world is a very dark and gloomy place.